I think my friends and family think I have dropped the single mom by choice idea. This is so far from the truth. I have been trying to find information. I found a single mom by choice group in my city. I went to their holiday party. I received a wealth of information. I was also thrilled to see other women of color there. I bonded with a few of the ladies. They were very nice and gracious in answering my questions.
My biggest problem is fear. Most of my fears are financial. So before I delve into my fears there are many other things I need to take care of first.
1) Parkinson’s disease specialist– With my dopamine deficiency I needed a specialist. The people who take the medication I use have Parkinson’s disease. I started with the list of Neurologist given by my insurance company. They did not list their specialty so after six calls I was annoyed. They see Parkinson’s patients but were not specialist. I was concerned if the state of Georgia had specialist for what I needed. Finally success after many more calls.
After explaining my situation I was told I needed to consult a high risk OBGYN also.
2) High Risk OBGYN- I know the medication I take can have effect on a fetus. I take 25/100 Carbidopa/Levodopa which according to doctor Google Levodopa passes through the placenta and absorb by the fetus. I have many questions.
a) Will my medications give my anticipated baby birth defects?
b) Are there any alternative medications?
c) Will I have to get off the medication completely?
d) Will I be able to work if I proceed forward?
Finally I got an appointment with both on the same day. The search to get some answers begins. Before I make any decisions I need to know what I am getting into.
Single Mom By Choice Blog
The journey I am on started very randomly. It all began with a guy I met online. We talked on the phone for about a week. I of course told him about my life in great detail. We had several intense conversations. That weekend we met at a restaurant of his choice. He even brought information about my medical condition that he found online.
By the end of the lunch we settled that we were going to be friends. We continued the date at a local pool hall. He shared his cigarettes (yes I smoke working on quitting.) He told me I had energy. I was weary he might be crazy, but intrigued by what he was telling me. He asked me if I ever seen the movie the secret. I remember the secret from my mom mentioning it in 2006. She seen it on Oprah and was really into it. I just yes her to death and put no effort into learning what it was about. He told me he was going to buy me a book: Working with the law, 11 truth principles for successful living by Raymond Holliwell.
The next day I went to my neighbor’s house looking to borrow some movies. I downgraded my cable because Comcast is to damn expensive. I had a bunch of movie channels; I had to admit I never watched. I was going through his countless movies. After flipping through a bunch of horror, and actions flicks the movie The Secret appeared. It was less than 12 hours after the secret was presented to me at the pool hall. I asked my neighbor why he had this movie. He said he had it for his mom. Now this was a sign, my journey began that day. I watched the movie and started to think of the possibilities. A week later true to his word I had the book: Working with the law in my hand. I knew my life was about to change.
I have been on 100+ dates. Yes I’m one of the originally internet daters. It all started in 1995 when my aunt found AOL. My first dating site “Only You” I think. It doesn’t exist anymore. Then I moved to AOL love. There were many others. I haven’t always been looking for a soul mate. I actual don’t know what I was looking for. I had no direction in my dating past. The internet had a line to an unlimited population of men. That unlimited population always made me think there is something better. This is not a good concept to have while dating.
I do have a strong northern personality. Now that I live in the south it doesn’t translate well. In the late 90’s I had more hits than misses. Now I have more misses than anything. I feel some of this has to do with age. I was very carefree in my youth. Now age has brought me the knowledge of what I need in a man.
Knowing what I want has given me freedom from wasting my time with men I see clear cut red flags. When I saw a red flag I would end the communication. They would always want to continue as friends. If I was friends with every man online I met I wouldn’t have time to work. I usually shrugged it off and move on. My serial dating has been retired. I still internet date, but I am more selective with who I choose to spend my time with. I have also opened myself up to dating outside my race. My friends have given me mixed results with this choice to open up my dating world to other races. A few friends acted like I was defying my race. Others felt whatever way I found love they were all for it.
I know who I am. A black woman who was born and living in the United States. I have dealt with racism first hand. It doesn’t make me less of who I am to date outside of my race.
The truth of the matter is I love black men. If the one for me shows up I would have no problem jumping in with both feet. Black woman are the least likely to date outside of their race. They are also the ones not getting married. There are a lot of factors that go into that. I am not trying to figure out society. My choice is to be with the man who love me the way I need to be loved no matter what color he is.
This all started with a 39 year old friend that desires to have children. She enlisted me to do the research IUI Artificial insemination. This was a topic I knew absolutely nothing about. I always wanted children. I desire more than one, being that I am an only child. I always wanted a sibling. I had the fairytale in mind. I would have a husband, house, and three children. Well I have the house that is all I have in my fairytale.
My friend who are married are not making marriage look appealing. My fairytale never included conflict and divorce. With this IUI investigation I finally connected the dots that my desire for children does not have to be banished by my single status.
I know plenty of single mothers. Granted they did not choose to be a single parent. The choice was made for them as a reality of life. I told a friend of my thoughts and desire for a child. Her first response was all the financial expenses with a child. I had to agree. Even though I make a decent salary, I still feel I have a hard time supporting myself. Daycare, Diaper and Milk in my monthly budget as it is would not be possible. Also my profession and it time constraints are an issue. I cannot leave a child in daycare for 12 hours a day. Also living so far from family doesn’t help with single motherhood.
My mom would love for me to come home. I mentioned my thoughts of having a baby by myself. I was waiting for her to tell me to be patient and I would be married. I was shocked she was cool with the idea. She wants grandchildren in the worst way. I am the only one who can make that happen for her.
Others issues makes the idea of coming home difficult. The housing market makes it impossible to unload this house I bought eight years ago. The only way to get out from under it would be foreclosure. Not a present worry since I’m still employed. It ties my hands for leaving the south. I could always rent it. That comes with its own set of issues. I have a lot to think about. All these cons do not take away my desire for children. I am 35 and counting. I don’t have many years to come up with a plan.