Choice Mom

This all started with a 39 year old friend that desires to have children. She enlisted me to do the research IUI Artificial insemination. This was a topic I knew absolutely nothing about. I always wanted children. I desire more than one, being that I am an only child. I always wanted a sibling. I had the fairytale in mind. I would have a husband, house, and three children. Well I have the house that is all I have in my fairytale.

My friend who are married are not making marriage look appealing. My fairytale never included conflict and divorce. With this IUI investigation I finally connected the dots that my desire for children does not have to be banished by my single status.

I know plenty of single mothers. Granted they did not choose to be a single parent. The choice was made for them as a reality of life. I told a friend of my thoughts and desire for a child. Her first response was all the financial expenses with a child.  I had to agree. Even though I make a decent salary, I still feel I have a hard time supporting myself. Daycare, Diaper and Milk in my monthly budget as it is would not be possible. Also my profession and it time constraints are an issue. I cannot leave a child in daycare for 12 hours a day. Also living so far from family doesn’t help with single motherhood.

My mom would love for me to come home. I mentioned my thoughts of having a baby by myself. I was waiting for her to tell me to be patient and I would be married.  I was shocked she was cool with the idea. She wants grandchildren in the worst way. I am the only one who can make that happen for her.

Others issues makes the idea of coming home difficult. The housing market makes it impossible to unload this house I bought eight years ago. The only way to get out from under it would be foreclosure. Not a present worry since I’m still employed. It ties my hands for leaving the south.  I could always rent it. That comes with its own set of issues. I have a lot to think about. All these cons do not take away my desire for children. I am 35 and counting. I don’t have many years to come up with a plan.

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2 thoughts on “Choice Mom

  1. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

    Yes, being a woman of color can sometimes make things harder. It seems like the pressure comes from inside our community. My friends and mother are still trying to grasp my choice.

    I understand what you mean about being able to afford a child but if you wait until you can “afford” it, you’ll never have children. Besides, your entire outlook on money will be different once you have a child (so I hear).

    Single friends with children will never understand why we choose this path because they were either left to go it alone or they struggle with custody issues everyday.

    Marriage doesn’t have to be out of the question. Only it is now Plan B. You have forever to find The One; biology isn’t that forgiving.

    You have it in you to make the right choices now and to develop the plan now that will make comfortable beginning this journey.

    Any job that requires 60 hour weeks means that you’re one smart cookie. You got this!

    • Well I am an accountant. Been doing it for over 10 years. I also live very far from Home. I swear I would be back home if I could sell this house. I just don’t want to leave it to property management for a renter. I guess that might be my only choice. I have a lot of thinking to do. When I get home I am going to read more of your blog. I have been addicted to these blogs lately.

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