A friend of mine wanted to go to a Seminar at a local reproductive clinic. We were the first ones there. As we sat there waiting for it to start couples seem to pile into the room. I whispered to my friend they are going to think we are lesbians. She looked at me like I was crazy. Clearly the seminar was not focused on single mothers by choice. It was geared to couples with fertility issues.
The statistics were very depressing. It really made my thinking about this at 36 look bleak. It took later bringing this to my single mother by choice group to make me feel better. I have no reason to think I have fertility issues. None of these statistics could apply to me. Also to even think you have fertility problems a couple would have to try for a year to have a child. I haven’t done the baby dance in so long it is hard to even think about. Not that I haven’t had the opportunity. I was tired of sleeping with men I had no future with. Even when performing the act to have a child I was always protected so pregnancy wouldn’t happen. Plus I am beyond per node about diseases.
Now with my desire to have children, I look back and realize I had an abundance of chances to get pregnant. I never thought I would be at the point of wanting to do it by myself. Especially with growing having a father that wasn’t that involved in my life. That was the last thing I wanted was to be a single mom.
It is funny how things change with time. Now I am sitting in this seminar with couples that want a child as I do. Being an accountant I am all about dollars and cents. I bombarded the doctor with questions concerning the cost of this process. The doctor was more into telling us the benefits of using their clinic. He mentioned how much the air conditioner cost during the tour. I felt it was a sales pitch. There are three different practices in the area that I know of. I am sure they all want the business of the infertile. That is there bread and butter.
My point was I am a middle class woman without the second income of a partner. Struggling in a bad economy to pay the bills and stay sane. Reading all the blogs and talking to a woman who did home insemination. I start thinking should I try to do it at home. It would make the expense greatly decrease. Then the realization, that I am not that kind of woman. The do it yourself kinds. Hats off to them but I know that is not me. I am the pay someone to do it and spare myself the drama. Well with research there are clinics that are not fertility clinics that will do an IUI for less the cost. When I am ready to make that move that is where I will start. The doctor actually gave me a referral to the The Feminist Woman’s Health Center. I read their webpage and they cater to Lesbian and Single Moms. It sounds perfect for my possible single mom status.
I am still in the thinking stage and have to plan if I am really going to do this. My friend made an appointment to have her first consultation. She is turning 39 and time is of the essence. Even though I know I could handle being a single mother if I had to. It still feels like a loss. A loss of the dream of the family I never had and wanted to give to my children. I have the loss of a man by my side in life and to share in the joy of our family.
I have to face the fact that even if I have a child by myself it does not mean I will not find that man. Or even if I found that man would he be all I imagined. There are no guarantees with anything. The icing on the cake was the doctor told my friend and I health insurance does not cover same sex couples. We looked at each other and broke out laughing. I let him know I was not a lesbian.