Mystery of Youth

A Video that described Atlanta when I got here:

I have been to most of the clubs in the video

I was invincible with endless possibilities. My youth is over and reality verses possibility is the gift of age. I hated high school I was fat and unpopular. I did have boyfriends from the city I lived. None in the suburbia I was bused to school. Good friends were created, many I still have in my life at present. College was going to be an exciting new phase. The experience turned out to be even worse than high school. Now I am stuck on a college campus and did not have my city to retreat to. My weight spiked with depression and the basic bad college eating habits. I just took eating to deal with my issues to new heights.

My twenties are where I blossomed. Losing 100 pounds was the biggest factor in my change. I looked better than I did in my teenage years. Then I decided to change my world completely. I moved to Atlanta the hot city to be at the time. I wanted to go where no one knew my name. I was no longer the ex fat girl. My total recreation began. I could go and buy clothes out of stores I never even bothered to go into before. Men who would have never looked at me in my fat days were suddenly interested. I parted like I had something to prove. Having late nights at clubs was a regular occurrence. New city no friends I would go alone. I had cousin in town but they all had kids. I did not want to plan my fun behind their baby sitting schedules. I was free from the past of the old me and having fun with the new me. I knew no fear. My friends at home were shocked by my new found self esteem. I was living the life of youth. Dancing, dating casual encounters with very handsome men. There were a few relationships in between. Still I had no worries, no pressure. I really didn’t take much seriously. I still had endless possibilities on my mind. Time passes beyond quickly. 10 years have passed and at the speed of lightning. Now I am 36 and possibilities do not seem endless. They are still there but they don’t seem endless. Partying is no longer attractive. Causal encounters are no longer a part of my life. Dating has decreased dramatically. I no longer waste my time with men with no possible future, no matter how handsome they are. My life has done a 180. Most of my friends are married with kids. At times I wondered if my single condition was a product of my misguided youth.  My youth made me feel there would always be time. Now the time has slipped away. Carefree is how I spent those years. Looking back I enjoyed life. I cannot look back and say I didn’t enjoy my twenties to the fullest. Marriage and kids were an afterthought at that time. I was in no hurry to get married. Until I met one man and wanted to marry him. Clearly that didn’t work out since my status is still single never married on any form I fill out. I was actually asked three different times to get married. Well no rings were bought but marriage was discussed. I was not trying to hear it; I had too much life to live. Marriage would always be a possibilities one day. I would never have imagined I would be single at this age. That never played out in my thoughts. I had no concept of my child bearing window closing in on me. If I had this recollection earlier would I have changed my past actions? Would I have taken a better look at the men who passed through my life? Instead of just thinking one would always be available when I was ready? I cannot rewrite the past all I have is the present and future. I know I am taking things more seriously now.


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