Single Again!!

I don’t know how long this will last or is it permanent. The last time we broke up it lasted for a day. Who knows, it all came to ahead last night. I have tried to be understanding of this travel thing. The lack of contact was getting to me. It might be all for the best. We will see what happens. I am still focussed on having my baby. How I am going to go about it now? I have no idea. I need to refocus and figure it out.

We might get back together, or not. Either way I am a solider in life. I am very resilient as my aunt tells me. I just feel no one deserves my tears anymore. I have cried over to many men over the years.

I put on my big girl panties and whatever comes about I will deal with. I talked to my friend I met at the single mom’s by choice group. She is in a similar situation. Dealing with a guy she thought would take her out of that single mom by choice group. The key word is thought. Keep me in your prayers. My cousin is in town and has invited me to his friend’s birthday party. I am getting dressed up and plan on having a great time.

My life has never gone according to any plan I had. This is no different.

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Update to my sob story!!

I have to say I am still upset. I am over it I guess. Well I am more disappointed than upset. The boyfriend and I talked again. I asked him if I was pushing him into this. I don’t know if I really wanted the answer. I couldn’t stop myself from asking. He said no I was not pushing him. He would tell me if he didn’t want to be a part of this. Then I asked him if he thought I was overreacting. He said yes. I expected that, and he is right. Then he said but that is you. I didn’t get offended by that, because it is true. When I get my mind focused on something my OCD turns on. It is nice he knows me enough not to let my issues bother him.

I asked him if he would take a day off next month. To my surprise he said yes without any prodding. That put a big smile on my face. I told him when AF comes I will count and let him know what day to take. Then I will take one-off also. I hope it isn’t Thanksgiving. That would upset my world big time. I have no family plans. He could be going home to see his family.

I am not going to think that way. Positive thinking needs to start. I bought a few scratch tickets today. If I win I told him I am sending him to spill his seed in a cup at the RE. So then I don’t have to worry when he is in town or not. LOL.

All this is not the outcome I wanted, but better than I expected.

When will my stars align!!!

Ok so this was a missed month and I guess I have to suck it up. He is in another part of the state somewhere. I am beyond disappointed. I know I have to put my big girl draws on and work it out. He has to work and keep his job. I do understand that believe me I do. As I go to my job everyday and need my paycheck to keep a roof over my head.

I believe he didn’t want to disappoint me. I just didn’t get the reaction I wanted. Actually I didn’t know what reaction I expected. “We have next month” so casually was not what I wanted. Am I pushing this on him? A question I have asked him and he said “no he wants children”. I guess he just not going to share my semi depression because he missed the big O this month.

I know there is nothing he can do. I get that. I just don’t know what to do with my feelings around the situation. Second month of finding the O and no boyfriend. My friend said I should work on the relationship. I get that!!! I do. My focus is both actually. 

I feel like I am in a long distance situation. In his defence he told me how his job would affect a relationship. I signed up eyes open. I don’t know what to do? I know I am overacting but I am ready for things to work out in my favor.

I am also concerned if this relationship isn’t working, and I am pushing this baby thing so much that I am not seeing it.

I don’t want to wait another month!!!

I finally got the happy face. Yes my method of using the cheap OPK than confirming with the expensive Clear-blue easy works. This morning I thought I was going to get the happy face. The cheap OPK looked like two solid double line. The second line might have been lighter. Well I used two clear blue’s to find no happy face.

I knew I was going to see that happy face soon. I tested tonight the lines were both dark on the cheap OPK. So I used another expensive Clear-blue to confirm. Yeppie a happy face. Now 12 to 48 hours I will be ovulating. I want to put my soy isoflavones to work. I want to achieve the BFP.

Here is the issue the boyfriend is three hours away working. I am hoping he will make it to my house tonight. I do not want to wait another month. I know he has to work. I appreciate he has a job in this economy. Every time I watch the news my heart sinks for all those with no employment. I just need to catch a break. I am going to throw up smoke signals to the heavens to get this man here.

Social Media Benefits

Image representing YouTube as depicted in Crun...

Image via CrunchBase

I have a Facebook page. Two written blogs. One personal I don’t share with certain family and friends. They would be judgemental and I could be talking about them. One I could careless who reads. I have a YouTube channel. Which I talk about natural hair and randomness of my life. I cannot see myself using twitter.

This all started when I wrote a book that a friend and I self published. It isn’t selling well so I don’t even want to discuss that issue. Well that is when I started in social media.

Then I got addicted to YouTube. Some of the tutorials and people lives on video. I never thought my life was that interesting. Also I wasn’t sure how much I would actually share on YouTube. I bought a camcorder because I was excited to get stated. It sat in its box for months. I kept thinking to myself would I really put myself out there. Then one day I said why not. What do I have to lose.

So I have 39 videos and climbing. Tutorials, opinions, product reviews. It is my own little news cast. When I am pregnant, I will chronicle it in weekly videos.

The boyfriend doesn’t understand this in any way. He actually refuses for me to even take a picture of him. I would never go behind his back and put it out there without his approval. I told him when the kids are here I am taking pictures. I won’t put him online, but my kids will have pictures of him. He will have to get over it.

I don’t know how social media has become my thing, but it is. My blogs and YouTube channel takes all my attention. I am not that big into Facebook. I go on there once a month maybe.

Well all this to say I did a video on service I was not pleased with. Yes I went on a rant and it was not pretty. The word sucks and never use them again came out. Which I was being honest . I was shocked by what happened next. The store I was complaining about contacted me via my YouTube channel. I guess they want to correct the issue.  They posted this long comment apologizing for the issues I encountered. They gave me contact information to give them a chance to make it better.

I have to say I was beyond shocked. I do not have a big following on this channel. I have one video that did get 5,000 + hits. I have no idea why that video is popular and what I did right. The others are not popular at all. Not even the video talking about this chain store. When they emailed me I had a total  of four hits. It had only been up three days.

Well I contacted them via email, as they requested. They are going to get back to me in the next 24 hours. I am very curious what will happened next. I will kept you posted. The powers of social media. More videos will be going up with any problems encounter from now on. You can believe that!!!  🙂

Weekend Activities

My friends birthday activities was very fun. We went to a jazz club. The service was really bad. I didn’t eat anything, but I couldn’t get a second refill on my three dollar soda.

I did have fun hanging with the girls. We laugh we joked and had a great time. I met some new people and tried to play matchmaker with a guy at the bar and one of the women at my table. I have no idea if it will work out, but I tried. My friend got drunk. It was funny, because I don’t think she meant to. Three guys bought her shots for her birthday. I was the designated driver. Since I don’t drink it wasn’t a big deal. On the way home she was falling asleep in the car. I am glad she enjoyed her birthday.

On the baby front. I am tracking my ovulation. Also trying to coordinate the boyfriends work schedule with my ovulation schedule. I am trying to stay positive that it will work out. Stressing does not help with trying to get pregnant.

I am also wondering if soy isoflavones will push my ovulation back.  The RE told me that clomid pushes it back 90% of the time. If soy is supposed to do the same thing as clomid, than it is possible.

Well I am tracking twice a day not to miss it. I tried doing the basal temp thing. I was not consistent and couldn’t remember to take my temp before I went to the bathroom. I gave it the good old college try. I am keeping hope alive!!!

Finally Friday

I am so happy it is Friday!!! I hope I get a nap in this weekend. I have been so tired lately. I have no idea if it is the isoflavones that has kicked my butt. My five days of taking them are over. Now we will see if I get the BFP like the other stories I have read.

I am staying positive that my constantly traveling boyfriend will be in town. Or close enough to drive when I get the double lines. Yes I said drive. I am pushing for this so efforts need to be made. One time I was going to go on one of his work trips. I had no one to take my dog. Well I could have asked one couple but it was so last minute. Boyfriend tried to find a motel that would let me bring my pain in the ass dog. No luck on that one so no dice.

My co-worker and I are obsessed with getting pregnant. Well I am more obsessed and taking her along for the ride. It is nice to have people on the same page.

I am hitting a club this weekend. I am a little self conscious. I haven’t been to a club in a long damn time. I am not buying anything new. I use to do that for going out. Since I have a man presently no new purchases will be made. Purchases were made when I was looking for a man. That is the logic I would use when putting down the plastic for an outfit I would wear once maybe twice.

It is my friend’s birthday. I have no idea what to get her. She is an easy friend and appreciate anything. I have to work my brain. I usually get her something inexpensive that she can use. My mind has been blank. It isn’t that big of deal. We don’t exchange gifts all the time. I might just buy her a drink at the club. Maybe I will be her designated driver. That could be a great birthday present. I don’t drink so it wouldn’t be a big deal for me.

Five is not coming quick enough. I can’t wait to get into traffic and feel free for a couple of days. God please let this weekend go slow!!! I am no rush to get back to work!!!

Soy Isoflavones Day 3

I knew I  should have saved that last entry. I lost my post for today and had to do it again. Well I had no side effects today Yeppie!!!. I had a headache after I took it last night but that went away and I have been good.  I just want that BFP. It is funny that pills that were under ten bucks might give me a baby. I been reading all the success stories online.  I would have never heard of it, if I didn’t read a whole lot of blogs. Thanks for people sharing I am on my way to baby success.

Also that lottery ticket I was waiting to scratch. Well I won a free ticket. The fantasy was worth a lot more than the ticket!!!

The boyfriend said he doesn’t understand why I blog. As he said putting all your business out there. This is a man who isn’t into any kind of social media. I respect his privacy but hey I have joined the new generation. I like sharing and receiving comments and possible helping someone else. He is very old school which is fine. I have agreed never to put anything of him online and all is good with us.

He is not the only one I know adverse to the internet. I guess I have always been an open book. Also not many people know I have a blog. I only share the link with people I would tell these things to anyway. Also I love the comments I get from strangers. Especially strangers in other countries I would have never connected with any other way. Most of us share that desire to have children bond. A bond he just doesn’t understand.

Soy Isoflavones Day 2

I took my second dose of 200mg around the same time yesterday. I had a slight headache yesterday. Well this go round I woke up sweaty again. I guess another hot flash and I had a bad headache. Which lasted most of the day. It just went a way about an hour ago. The two advils might be the cause of my relief. I am hoping all this leads to the big fat positive.

I have been trying to do more research about using soy for fertility. I find more questions than I find answers. Maybe I just suck at searching the net. That could be totally possible. I already ovulate, and a lot of women who take this don’t ovulate or ovulate very late. I ovulate very early, day ten last month.

The twin thing has been in my head lately. I am trying to push it out but it keeps popping up. I can’t talk to the boyfriend about it. He has the usual lame guy answers why are you worried about it. You are not pregnant yet. He has a point but damn humor me for a min. Both our mothers are twins it might be a serious concern.

I just added a video. This woman got pregnant using Soy isoflavone. This video is explaining what she did. A later video announces her pregnancy.

If you can’t see the video here is the link