I scratched my winning ticket. No bells and whistles this time. I did win 50 bucks. I have no complaints. I reinvested and will be putting my new lottery tickets on my night stand for later.
My weekend was uneventful. Boyfriend was out-of-town as usual. When I talked to him, he said his traveling should be winding down soon. Music to my ears. I said finally we can spend sometime. Personally I think he is sick of working every weekend.
I met a new friend this weekend. I actually met her before but we talked for three hours this weekend. It was such a great conversation. We kept saying we were so shocked we are so much alike. You can never tell someones story by looking at them. She is also going to work on having children. Even if it is by herself. I told her I have all the information she will need.
She was thrilled and couldn’t wait to get home to get the information I emailed her. It is nice to find another woman who feels as I do. It is a sisterhood. She assumed I was a lot younger than her. I must have a baby face. I have looked at this face for 36 years. I have been mistaken for being in my twenties. Once for being a teenager. When I smoked I was always carded. I would tell the clerk I know I look over 18. There were times I thought I looked older than it should. I have never thought it looked younger.
When we were talking and I told her I wanted a baby. She said I wouldn’t understand her desire because she was older than I was. I was wondering how old she thought I was. Or better yet how old was she? I thought we were around the same age. I said I am 36 how old are you? She screamed “we are the same age.”
A lot of people consider 36 young. I have been told you got time. Stop worrying about it. In baby making years 36 is not young at all. How do I know? All these damn seminars I have been to have told me so. Now granted I could plop out a baby or two with no problem. Which is my plan!!. 36 is still not young in baby making years.
I have a friend that is concerned about me. God love her!! I understand why she is concerned. She feels I am not happy in this relationship. I would have to say I am not bubbling over thrilled. I am not in hell either. I am in rocky point. I explained to her the fairytale relationship never came. Now I am in the reality relationship. Do I love this man. I think I have always loved him. Am I deliriously happy with the situation as it is. Hell no! Who wants someone who is never around? Do I have the right to complain? Not really. He told me this up front. I had a choice to accept it or not. I made the choice to accept it. I do have the right to change my mind in the future.
I am taking it day by day. I cannot predict the future. If I could I would not have waited around this long for Mr. Right to show up. Yeah I was one of those if I just be patient women. Not to say I wanted just anyone. I still will not accept just anyone.
I would have had my children by now. That is exactly what I would have done if I had the crystal ball. I wouldn’t have believed anyone if they told me at 25-34 that I would not be married or have children at 36. So here is where I am. Firmly in reality. I cannot visit anyone in fantasy or fairy tales anymore. I no longer believe when anyone tells me it will happen be patient. FUCK PATIENTS!!!