I don’t have many friends. I guess I wouldn’t consider them a lot. Also the friends I have in my life now are so much different from when I was young. When I was young I talked to my friends all the time. I felt I couldn’t live with out them.

Now I have friends I might talk to once a year. I love them even though we don’t connect often. There is no one I talk to every day. I had a close friend that we aren’t really speaking at the moment. We have went through this on and off thing for years.

I still love her even thought I am not ready to talk to her. I know that might sound awful but it is how I feel.

A friend of mine might be moving here. It is hard for me to get excited because I am so ready to leave this state in the dust. We will see, what her plans are.  I do miss my crew of friends I use to hang out with when I was young. That was when life seemed so full of excitement. Now my life seems so boring!!

Doctor dude and I talked last night. I really like this guy. Well let me put it in perspective his personality so far!!


Funny Confusion

Two co-workers thought I was the woman who won the 70 million in the lottery. Granted I do not want to talk about it. It is one thing when they win out of your state. The winning ticket was bought very close to my house. The woman who won even has my profession.

To close for comfort. I am very jealous also. Oh well life goes on. I thought it was hilarious that my co workers thought it was me. Damn I wish it was.

My vacation went to quick. I didn’t do anything which I enjoyed. I did watch too much ID discovery channel. I need to stop, it is all about people getting killed. Not an uplifting channel. There are a lot of programs concerning death on T.V. these days.

I did work on my friends daughters blanket. I have made a great deal of progress. I am embarrassed that is sat in a corner for two years. I determined to get it in the mail in a few weeks. I might have to cross my fingers on that. I need to complete the things I start.

Half measures avail me nothing. I am a big half measure person.  I want more than nothing.

Doctor dude hadn’t called in four days. I thought here we go again he got a girlfriend. Which is the reason I thought he stopped calling me before. I sent him a text message that read,”I guess you forgot about me again.   I like messing with him. Even if he has a girlfriend not much I could say about it. We have never met. If I meet someone exciting tomorrow I am not going to worry about him either.

He called my home phone. That was odd, not many people use my home phone number. I answered and I said I was shocked you called me on this number. He said I been calling your cell for hours and keep getting the answering machine. I looked at my cell and damn it was turned off. I laughed to myself. I was trying to reset it and forgot to turn it back on.

Wow he had been calling me for hours. He didn’t want to leave a message. He went to the next phone number to get in touch. I have to say I was flattered that he put in that much effort to talk to me. That was something I would have never have expected from him. Maybe he likes me more than I realize. We will see but it did put a big smile on my face!!!

I am so LAME!!

I feel like an old young person. I discovered this song that I really like. It has been out for years. Someone told me about it randomly. I am really into music of the 80’s and 90’s. The kids singing this song were probably born in the 80’s. I am so old!!  No Air Jordan Sparks is on my new list of faves!!

I had vacation days and I was board. My friend is safe at home recovering. Thank god she is alright. Then I sat home doing nothing switching the channels and playing my Sims 3 game. My game was jacked up and I spent hours trying to fix it. When I finally figured it out, it was a simple problem. I feel like an idiot. I actually posted the problem on a technical board. Did I mention my house was looking crazy. All parts of the house were a mess.

I talked to my stay at home mom friend. She is home due to a layoff. I asked her what does she do being home all the time. She said when the baby is there she is busy. When the baby is not there she is also board. I finally cleaned the house. While I was talking to her the kitchen and bedroom and living room was presentable. I do so much cleaning talking on the phone. A couple of loads of laundry. I was down to the underwear I don’t like in the back of my drawer. House work always goes quicker when I am talking to someone.

Then I finally took a shower and got out of my PJ’s. Meaning my sweats tee shirt and fluffy socks. Yes I walked the dog in that outfit. I have to admit I walk the dog looking like a homeless person. I guess if there were any handsome men in my neighborhood then I would take more of an effort. The one guy that is hot I think is gay. Other then the young hoodlums hit on me. I wish I could move the hell out of here. One guy called me a bitch when he tried to talk to me. I ignored him continued to talk on my cell and prayed Pedro shit faster. So when the bitch comment came across I was happy as hell I ignored his ass.

After the shower I felt so fresh and so clean. Clearly I been in the south to long to quoting OutKast.

With my clean body I put on clean clothes and went to the nail shop. I finally treated myself to a Mani, Pedi, and eyebrows. I sent doctor dude a picture of my great looking feet. I am not going to say what he texts back. It did put a smile on face, big time.

While my toes were getting pampered the nail technician was telling me about herself. She is very friendly and talkative. Sometimes you are not in the mood but she was so bubble she put a smile on my face.

She met her husband in the Bahamas on vacation. He worked at the airport. They dated long distance for a year and got married. Wow how can that happen to me!!! It was a great story. She seemed like a very happy person. I need to be more like this woman. Her demeanor puts smiles on others. She was randomly my technician. I only let the owner do my eyebrows. I don’t care who does the fingers and toes. I left there smiling and told her I wished her look on having a second child.  I don’t think it was random I got her. God knows what he was doing!!

Vacation Days!!

I have a few days of vacation. My friend made it through her surgery. Even thought it was a basic surgery you never know. I will be picking her up from the hospital tomorrow. I made use of my day off. I got the emission and paid my registration for 2012. I will never understand why Georgia does that mess on your birthday.

A reminder I did not want. My birthday is on its way. 37 is a number I am not looking forward to. I am grateful to be alive. I just thought I would have a family by now. That makes me very sad. Still money and lack of man are the factors keeping me from the dream of my own family.

Well I am glad I made it another year. I know many people who didn’t make it this far. Facebook keeps me abreast of all the death of my generation. Especially a guy I knew since the eight grade. He was my cousin best friend. He died at 34 and left behind two kids.

So I know I need to be grateful. I don’t know how to balanced being pissed off for my lack of family. Another thing to do, balance Bitterness with blessings.

Well on my next few days off I will accomplish a few things. Mr. Shitty paints is getting a haircut. My dog is looking raged. He doesn’t mind, but I do. I take care of my dog, even thought he doesn’t looks like it at the moment.

I think I might make it to the nail shop and get a mani, pedi and eyebrows. I haven’t splurged on myself in a while. I usually don’t go in the winter. Who is going to see my feet?

I need to do something nice for myself. Maybe that will put me in a better mood. Then I am hitting Redbox and playing my Sims and hanging out.

Doctor dude has been consistent with his calls. Half the time he is falling asleep on the phone. I still appreciate his efforts. Even thought we are on different coast. We will see how it goes. I am trying my best to keep hope alive.

Helping Others!

I use to have a problem of saying no. If anyone asked me to do something I would jump and do it. I had a big people pleasing issue. I have tamed that need to be liked. I try to do things out of the kindness of my heart. Not to be liked or getting anything in return.

I helped a friend organize her job responsibilities. I was shocked when she asked me for help. She said I was the most organized person she knows. I was thinking in what world am I organized. I have about five years of paperwork stacked in a room. I did what she asked and gave her a routine of what she could do at work. The next day she told me it worked beyond her expectation. That her co workers were even commenting on her progress.

That put a smile on my face big time. It might have been an on the outside looking in type of help. She told me what she did at work and I never working in that profession gave her a plan. I was glad to help.  I was not convinced that I could help her at all. You never see yourself the way others see you.

Another friend called me in desperate need of a ride home from the car dealership. We live five minutes from each other. I swung by picked her up. Us single ladies need to be there for each other. She has been there for me in many ways. I consider her one of my closest friends. I am not a selfish person. Sometimes family members made that out to be a bad thing. I had a friend that was old enough to be my mom. She told me that was one of my best qualities. She hoped no one changed that part of me.

I also took a few days off work to help another friend. I was told by a family member that I was going above and beyond. That kind of hurt my feelings. Was she calling me a sap? She felt I was being taken advantage of? I have vacation days I have to use before I loose. Also I don’t mind helping when I can. Then I had to take into consideration which family member was making the comments. She can be very selfish.

Sometimes I wonder will I ever get back what I give out. I try not to focus on things like that. God knows my heart and I will be blessed through him. I do not do anything I don’t want to do.

A neighbor was sick. I called her while I was at the store and asked her if she needed anything. She is single with a two-year old. One of my Single mother by choice sisters. She needed some food for the baby and some ginger for her sick stomach. It feels good to help people. I do not feel taken advantage of. I feel blessed. Which looking at my life there are many blessing. I always believed Karma is a BITCH.

I was talking to that same family member. I mention Doctor dude and a few thing he did that made me smile. She instantly went to negative. I told her I don’t want to hear her negativity. She said what do you mean. I said when I stated something positive, you had four negative things to say in two sentences. She said what are you keeping count. I said I don’t have time for that, I have enough of my own negative thoughts.  She said she was sorry!!

It is true I can be negative enough on my own. I don’t need any help and I refuse to keep my mouth closed about it. Well anyone who knows me I never keep my mouth closed about how I feel!! Might be a character flaw but that is me!!

Save Me!!

Have a nice day

Today has just been one of those days. I am tired of everything including my job. I am ready for my life to go in a different direction and a different place.

If doctor dude asked me to go to Vegas and jump the broom today I would. Just in desperate need for change in my life. I know I could be opening a whole nother can a worms with that past statement. It is still how I feel. Me being me I did send that to him in a text message. Of course I had LOL after the message with a smiley face.

I was half kidding. I am just in that place today. I go to this place more than I like to admit.

If some money came into to my life that would be just as good. I told Doctor dude if I get some money I am going straight to get clinic and get knocked up. He didn’t like hearing that at all. I have to say I am not to worried about how he feels. I have a fantasy with him no real reality has happened.

 My praying fell off as soon as I committed to do it. I am so undisciplined it is sickening.

I am going to try to start today. I am making no promises this time. I am going to try is all I am going to commit too. I am ecstatic is Friday. No big plans on the horizon. A lot of errands I wish I could palm off on someone else. When your are single that person does not exist. So pretty much I am going to have to suck it up and take care of my business.

I have never wrote about this before. I doubt anyone at my job reads this blog. I sit in a cube. The people who sit around me drives me crazy with the constant sounds they make all day. I have never been around such a noisy bunch in my life. One is smacking on ice all day. Also beating up a bottle filled with ice to get the ice out. I hear every noise that comes out of her mouth. It drives me crazy. I try to turn up my radio and concentrate on something else. Sometimes that works sometimes it doesn’t. Now you might think I am over reacting. People have come by my cube and asked me what is that noise. I explained to them what it is and one comment was that was not sexy. I could do nothing but laugh. Hearing a smacking sound all day is not sexy. I also have another person next to my cube that sucks on his teeth for twenty minutes after he eats.

It is crazy. I can’t really tell them to stop. I tried telling him to stop sucking on his teeth. That didn’t go over well. So now I leave it alone. I feel people have no office etiquette these days.

Such as stinking up the break room cooking fish in the microwave. When I worked at another job this woman would open tuna fish then put the can in her trash can outside her office for us to smell all day. She would be in her office with an air freshener. One day I told her the whole office was talking about her. She was in shock. I said if you don’t want to smell tuna what makes you think we do.

I swear some people only care about themselves.

Paula Dean WHO?

English: Image of Paula Deen taken as part of ...

I had no idea who Paula Dean was until I watched the news. When I say I am not a fan or reality T.V. , cooking show was included. I also do not watch HD TV and any home design shows. When I found out who she was and what she did I was applaud.

Then I read someones else blast this woman also. Everything is about greed and money. I was talking to my aunt and she said everything that woman cooked was drenched in butter, grease and anything fattening she could stick in her recipes. As the man stated in his article a hamburger with a donut in between. She didn’t and would not promote a lighter option. Living in a obesse nation the U.S. Obesity is running crazy in children and adults. I agree with the man blasting her, she was trying to kill people.  She cooked that way and was proud of it period.

Now this woman has type 2 diabetes. They actually reported she had it for a long while. I don’t have a problem if she realized she was wrong. Wanted to rectify her actions and what she has done. She waited until she was endorsed by and by a pharmaceutical company before coming out with her medical issues. The medical issues she put on herself by the way she was cooking and eating.

It is all about money. I am sure this woman could careless about the public. She made her millions killing people with her recipes. Now she is going to make her millions saving them with diabetic drugs.

The man in the article called her two-faced in so many words. I totally agree!! That is are culture. How can I make a buck off people!! Damn SHAME.

Fears and more Fears!!

My doctor friend is trying to convince me to visit him in PA. I am not a risk taker. He is a stranger. I don’t feel he is serial killer, but who knows. We have talked on and off for three years. I am sticking to my guns he needs to come see me. I watch too much T.V. with all these random missing women. I refuse to be on unsolved mysteries. When I go on dates now I make sure and give someone the guys information. He has me in fantasy mode again. Why is it so hard for me to stay out of that place. He makes a lot of money as a surgeon. I started talking to him when he was a broke resident. Money doesn’t sway me. I am not materialistic at all. Even if I had money I wouldn’t spend it willy nilly and on unneccessary things. He has a very expensive truck. I told him I would want a Honda regardless of how much money I have. They are good Cars/Trucks and last.

I am like my grandmother in that area. My grandmother was not poor at all. She owned several properties and a summer home. She could also be seen in the goodwill looking for a good deal. That was Nana, and I am just like her. I don’t own one designer thing. With being six feet tall I buy what fits and looks good. I could careless whose name is on it. Also I refuse to spend a lot of money on anything.

I know a few people who brand drop. Meaning I have Coach bag. Or this Donna Karen. Well yah for them it doesn’t impress or move me at all. My pocketbook could be worth ten bucks and I am just as happy with it. That is me and I don’t fault people for who they are.

Back to the fantasy Doctor dude is throwing out the if we get married situation. I might have started it but he put his two cents in. He said I wouldn’t have to work!! You know that is music to my ears. I would do something. I am not the sit at home type of chick. Not having to report to a job would be winning the lottery ten times over. That is the fantasy in my mind. I have to meet this man in person and see if we vibe. There are several steps that need to happen before marriage. Granted I have heard the story of they met and three days later are married. I sincerely doubt that will ever be my story. I can’t predict the future but I don’t see it.

On a lighter note I had a presentation today. I nailed it. I was so nervous my hand was shaking but they couldn’t see it. I got claps and someone mentioned how I do a great job. It was really nice and uplifting. I haven’t done a presentation since 1995 in college. I did well even with the fears. I have to say I am really glad it is over and done with. It has been on my mind for three weeks. Now I can free up those brain waves for something else. Something non stressful would be great!!


Snow White

Image by statelyenglishmanor via Flickr

The guy from the gas station didn’t call. Oh well, I am not sweating it. I will also not call him. He asked for my number he needs to use it. I am not going to be the aggressive one any longer. For some reason aggressive women always seem to come off desperate. I know what I want I am not desperate.

If he calls are not I appreciate the boast to my ego.

On a bad note the ex sent me a text message. I responded with one word answers. How are you he asked. I said fine. I was just checking on you he types. I said okay. With my non use of vocabulary I felt he got the picture. He didn’t respond after that.

I do not have hate in my heart for the man. That doesn’t translate to I don’t think he is an ass and a jerk. I think he is both of those things. I am trying to make sure I don’t let me run havoc on my life again.

The big issue with him is the disappointment of the baby dreams. I was so ready to be knocked up. I should have known from my past nothing is that easy in my life. Everything has to be difficult and hard.

He always try to come back in my life when he is lonely. I am no longer his consolation prize. I am not even going to let my head go into my fantasy of him. That is when I let myself forget the reality of him constantly letting me down. I am staying firm in reality!!

A friend of mine and I talked about fairy tales that messed us up. Snow white, Cinderella. The prince saves us and we live happily ever after. Why does the woman always needs to be saved? What happens after the marriage? They might not live happily ever after and get divorced in six months.

The problem is the happily ever after. No one life is problem free and there will be points of unhappy and disappointment. The belief of a lifetime worth of happiness and perfection is a load of crap I wish wasn’t drilled into me with fairy tales.

Another friend complained that a girl we went to high school wouldn’t let her daughter watch fairy tales. For the same points I stated above. I never really thought about it until now. I think I agree. They are not necessary for a child to grow. I don’t want my child to have the realities of life before they are ready. I also don’t want to ram into their heads a fictional version that will never do them any good in the future.

All these thought and no baby. I might be putting the cart before the horse.

Not as Planned!

I didn’t go to the Fernbank museum. He did contact me via text message to ask if we could meet. It ended up being at irish bar that a band he liked was performing. I was a little upset. My Fernbank dreams down the drain. Now I have to settle with a regular date at a bar. Oh yeah did I mention I was the one who had to do the driving this time. Oh joy for me. I accepted it, since I rain checked on him last week.

The date was ok. We talked for three hours. He is an ultra intellectual. I could see he analyses everything. I also felt he was a major liberal. I don’t have a problem with anyone political beliefs. Certain things he said bothered me. He has what I would call white guilt. He said should I apologize for being white. He sounded like he wanted to hand out apologize for all things white man has done wrong. I thought oh lawd really!! I said well what did you do exactly that you have to apologize for? Meaning him personal not the white man. After those comments I lost interest big time. I personally make no apologizes for my race.  I can’t be blamed for everything done wrong. The conversation went downhill after that. He did give me some good thoughts about my blogging. Granted I didn’t tell him about this blog. I told him about the blog I don’t care who reads it.

Today is looking up big time. I went to the gas station to buy the job lottery tickets for the pool. Also to buy my personal lottery tickets and scratch tickets. Friday was payday so my usually activities. This cute guy was in there. He brought his tickets and were scratching them at the counter. I smiled and did my transaction and left. While I was driving away I was staring at him. He said something to me. I was almost out of the gas station.  I rolled down the window and backed up. He started flirting and I started smiling.

He asked me if I was single. We chit chatted and exchanged numbers. I asked him if he has any children. He said “two”. I told him I didn’t have any but will one day. He said” I make cute babies”. Now I am really smiling!!!.

I haven’t been flirted with in a random public place in so long. It made my day, week, and year so far. The little things can mean so much. We will see what happens!! Things might be looking up for 2012!!