I am trying not to be. It isn’t working. It seems like everyone is pregnant and I am not in the exclusive club. I love my friends children. I love when they talk about them and I see there pictures on cards and Facebook.
It is also a reminder of what I do not have and want so badly. How did I end up being the jilted one. I would have never predicted this ever being my circumstances. I had such a bright future with so many possibilities.
I never thought of a time clock being attached to my eggs. Who the hell thinks about that. Someone should have warned me. I might not have listened. I feel so blind sided by time. By lack of a man and babies.
To make is worse it isn’t like I haven’t been trying. If I meet another man who states I can’t believe you are single I am going to slap him upside the head. Or what is wrong with you. You never been married and have no kids. What is being divorced and paying or getting child support a mark of something right!! Is using a condom so I didn’t get a disease or have children un planned is wrong all of a sudden. Is it my fault the men of my life never really wanted to commit. Or I didn’t want someone’s last name just because they asked knowing we were not compatible and would have ended up in divorce.
What did I do wrong. I have a lot of friends in jacked up marriages. Why do I find myself jealous of bad relationships. I know it is crazy. It makes me think what did I do wrong!!
I am tired of being baby less and man less. I am straight tired of dating and all the bullshit that comes with it. What does that leave me. In a rock in a hard damn place. I am going to start praying my ass off for some answer. I guess all I have left is god!!!