Married Men

121- A Married Man

121- A Married Man (Photo credit: Holtsman)

Over the years I have had many married men hit on me. What I find interesting is the fact that they don’t hide that they are married. It goes to show how many women don’t care, that is why these men feel so comfortable. Needless to say I have never dated anyones husband on purpose. Now if he takes the ring off and makes up lies to cover his tracks I can’t say I am innocent.

All this to say a acquaintance from my past called. A guy I met through a friend 11 years ago. We were supposed to have a date. It never quite happened. I was attracted to him and him clearly me. Neither one of us was that interested to make it happen.

Well several years back a mutual acquaintance told him he got married. I thought that was nice. I only talked to him on email. So I sent him a congrats on the wedding. I was getting the feeling he didn’t want me to know. I didn’t even think about it I rare come into contract with this person.

Last year he called out the blue and asked me out. He dressed it up like we would be going with a bunch of people. It made me feel real uncomfortable. He never called back to confirm so I let it go.

Then two weeks ago he called out the blue. We chit chatted for a few minutes. Then he said you don’t keep in touch. I said you are married.

He found that to be insulting and said we can still talk. I let him know I don’t carry on with married men. Oh his wife isn’t like that. Really I said!! Well if we were such good friend I would have me the woman. They have been married for four years. I said talking to someone twice in four years does not constitute friendship. He protested he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

I told him I have no idea what is going on in his marriage. Also I could careless. I don’t create friendship with married men. If we were truly friends before you got married then fine. This situation was just uncomfortable. I let him know I will respect your wife the way I would want to be respected if I was married.

In my opinion he was trying to hard to change my mind. Why was I all of sudden important? The conversation left on a sour note. I can’t say he would be missed. He wasn’t really a part of my life at all. He needs to find the woman who doesn’t mind sharing him with his wife. I MIND!!

Also I don’t need his wife calling me with any drama. Been there done that. The ones who slip off the ring and tell the lies, wives some how found my number.

In those situation I told them he is yours and keep him. I hate drama. I try to avoid it. Also Karma is a bitch. I have enough bad Karma with relationships. I don’t need any more!!!

NW Cryo

Sperm (album)

I spent my birthday looking at a sperm bank website NW CRYO. Yes that is right, picking out the sperm if I was ready to make the leap.
I have to say I am in love with the prices at this place 270 a vile. They also have open ID. Open ID doesn’t change the price. I have to admit the list of donors is not long. Compared to some of the other sites.

I am a cheap person. I don’t want a bargain basement baby. I just can’t see pay 600+ for sperm. Thinking back to my dating history would any guy I dated sperm be worth 600+ to me. I have to say hell no. That goes to show the men I dated. These men I  could have possible had children with and I wouldn’t give their sperm that high of a price tag.

The truth is I know more about these sperm candidates then any man I had sex with. No man I have dated told me all their medical information. Parents medical information. The biggest questions is do you have any STD’s. I never asked if cancer, smoking, alcoholism ran in their families.

When I went to reproductive seminar the woman said cheaper sperm does not mean bad. She is the one who emailed me the list of the cheaper sperm banks.

Well I have him picked out for now. I enjoyed the process. I am staying positive that something will happen to make this a reality.

Birthday Present to myself!

Happy Birthday

Image via Wikipedia

I was told today I should do something for myself. I have to say I am stumped with that. I don’t deny myself things. I am not into material things. Clothes, electronics, furniture never striked my fancy.

The only time I buy clothes is if I am going to an event. Which it is pitiful because I really need some work clothes in a bad way. I refuse to buy them until I get to my goal weight. Plus I work in an office with women and a bunch of married men. Who cares how I look going to work. I know I don’t.

Electronics has never been my thing. Other than the Sims 3 game I refuse to figure out anything electronic. I don’t even have a DVR because I don’t want to pay for it. The new Sims game is coming out next week. I was always going to purchase it regardless of it being my birthday. So that isn’t anything special.

Furniture, Other than my bedroom set everything in my house was given to me. I only spent about 900 bucks on the whole set. So clearly furniture isn’t my thing either.

I have nothing I am motivated to buy or do. I could get a Mani, Pedi. I don’t feel like it. So that wouldn’t work.

Today is my father’s birthday also. I was born on his 30th birthday. So he is 67 today. I am a horrible daughter. I totally flaked on the card. Oh well I am sure he will live. He did send me a text saying Happy Birthday and of course I replied.

It is too funny that my father learned to text. When my mother finally learns I think hell would have frozen over.

I really want to rewind the clock ten years. Can I have that? Can anyone make that happen?

If I didn’t own this house in this blood sucking housing market I could make my dreams come true. As far as the baby is concerned. The man situation is something beyond my control.

My irrational playing of scratch tickets is not getting me closer to a baby. I was reading the news. This woman won 100,000 and then a million on scratch tickets. The same woman. I am like damn really. I didn’t need to hear that.

That crap is so random. I feel like my life has been so random lately. I did go to a party this weekend. A big waste of time. It was posted on this dating website. These folks were so beyond my age bracket. I should have given my mother the invite.

I am leaving work early and try to have a decent birthday. Wish me luck!!

Jealous?

When did the green eye monster start growing in me? When did other people life seems so much better than mine. I don’t know when this happened. I don’t like it.

These thoughts of things being unfair. No husband, no babies. Independence is something I do have. A lot of these women I am envying do not have that.

I guess I am not jealous I am envious. I don’t want their husband or there kids. I want my own. The one hand-picked for me. With the divorce rate so high the statistics of that equals the statistics of me winning the lottery.

I don’t know that many happy marriages. I desire something that I rarely see work. I don’t know why that is? I am sick of being alone is the bottom line.

The ex texted me. He wanted to know if I needed anything. I let him know via text you weren’t there when I was with you why would you be there now.

He said I was being mean. Like I really cared. I am sick of his drama. Then he said I could be dead next year. WTF!!! He was sick and went to the doctor and his acid reflux could be stomach cancer.

Damn I had mixed emotions. I don’t like the man but I don’t want anything to happen to him. I told him I would pray for him. That is all I can do. I cannot put myself out there for him. Especially when I know he would not do the same. I do care about him and I did ask god to keep him safe.

On a brighter note Doctor dude said he might be able to visit me next month. I told him don’t get my hopes up. We will see. I also have two winning scratch tickets. I have no idea how much. I am saving that for my birthday. Yes I will be 37 in a few days. I have to say I am not happy about it at all. I want my time back.

The time I wasted. The time I didn’t live up to my potential. The time I wasted on useless people.  I want it back!!!

Being Sick is no fun!

I woke up this morning feeling ill. I have been feeling this way for a long time. Stomach issues have pledge me for a few months. I am a non doctor person. I do make it to a yearly physical. Any other aches and pains I feel It will get better eventually.

I am acting like I don’t pay high premiums for health insurance. I might as well use it. I pay enough for it. I don’t like the inconvenience of being sick. I called my doctor hoping to be seen today. Of course that didn’t happen. I got an appointment for tomorrow. I will be leaving work early to take care of myself. Something I should have done a few months ago. The nurse on the phone gave me a lecture about waiting to deal with this issue.

So I laid on the couch sick with my dog. He loves to snuggle on the couch.

My aunt called me this morning screaming the house is burning down and the phone went dead. My mind went crazy and I called her back. It was the house next to hers. She was outside praying the fire did not travel to her house. I finally caught my breath. Thank you god she is not homeless. Thank god she is alive. I thanked god for a lot in that moment.

On a brighter note something I wrote for the SMBC website was posted. I feel so important.

It deals with Money issues.

I hope to get a prescription and be well. Positive thinking!!

Not Excited

I haven’t been excited about anything in a long time. Even thinking about Doctor Dude doesn’t bring me fake excitement. My life is become so humdrum. I think my dog is even bored with the routine. He tries to get us to walk different ways in the evening. He probably thinks his mommy is so predictable.

My life has become very predictable. It is kind of pathetic. When I first moved here I was a mover and a shaker. I was going out having fun. Those things don’t excite me anymore.

Meeting new men doesn’t excite me anymore. My disappointment meter with men have over flown. It is hard to muster excitement when they are concerned.

My gloomy  gus attitude needs to change. I talk to other people and there lives sound just as boring as mine. Is that what happens later in life. Is that why people have mid-life crisis, to muster some excitement. Prayer works, I am going to pray for excitement and happiness. Not drama, excitement just to be clear.

On another note Doctor Dude received his present. He asked me how I knew he like dark chocolate. How about I had no idea it just looked pretty in the picture. Also it was inexpensive that sold me. I told him it was a lucky guess. Hey I will take my brownie points. I didn’t want to say I didn’t really think about it. Which I didn’t

I made someone happy. That is cool. Now I need to work on myself!! Which has always been extreme hard for me!!

It is over!!

Valentines day is over. I survived! I guess my issue with the day is the reminder that I am single. Who the hell wants to be reminded of that. Doctor dude sent a text and called. He said the gift reached the office. One of the office managers is going to bring it to him at the other office today.

I hope he enjoys it.

Light at the end of the tunnel. I did win  on my lottery scratch ticket. I have no idea how much. I am going to enjoy the fantasy of it being the top prize for the rest of the week. There will be a completely different tone to this blog if I did win the top prize. Not that money can buy you everything but it can get the party started.

I need to fantasized to get me through the week. I am so unmotivated. I would lay in bed for a week if I could.

I am not depressed. I can diagnose that pretty quickly. I am dissatisfied with my circumstances. My co-worker offered to buy the ticket from me again. It makes me laugh. My delayed gratification is his gambling opportunity.

A friend is going through drama with custody of her child. Hearing her issues makes the sperm donor thing look great!! Not that I can judge every situation by her circumstances. The grass isn’t always greener. Everyone has issues and problems.

I told my friend she will receive her daughter blanket in about a week. I wasn’t paying extra for quick shipping. She waited two years, another week won’t hurt. No more promises of blankets. I am done on that front. My next blanket will be for a child I give birth to.

Vacation is over!!

I had a few days off. The vacation has come to an end. I am not to happy about it.  Especially since it went quickly and was packed full of problems.

I went to a meet up event. This guy was hitting on me. He felt he should psycho analyze me. With in ten minutes and a few non of his business questions, he comes up with a diagnoses. I don’t really want to be married. Wow really!! He asked me before his diagnose. If I was married, have children or boyfriend. He also wanted to know about the past men in my life. Now anyone reading my blog knows all these issues are a big sore part of my life.

I went to the left on this man. I told him why was he trying to diagnose me with five minutes of conversation? This was not good bar talk. I came her to have a good time. Not for this crap. If relationships are so damn easy where is your wife?? He was divorced. Oh I see, so what the hell is wrong with you. He apologized and didn’t want to talk to me anymore. He pissed me off. I didn’t really meet anyone and went home.

Then I went to the dealership for a recall on my truck. Of course they found something wrong other than the recall. I refuse to let a dealership work on the car. I went to my mechanic today. He agreed with the dealership that it needed to be fixed. Six hundred bucks later my issues was fixed. Two hundred less than the dealership. I was planning to get a tune up. That clearly will be pushed back. This expense was not in my budget to the plastic was used.

I did my taxes today finally. It took forever and was more drama than I anticipated. I had to contact the turbo tax chat line for help. Hours later it was done thank god.

Then I talked to Doctor dude for more bad news. I told him he would be having a surprise. Well he works out of three offices. He made it sound so damn complicated I wish I hadn’t sent him shit. Then it seems he will not be visiting me anytime soon. I know he has a busy schedule. He wants me to come there. I would if we have met before. I am sticking to my guns. He will have to come here first. Sounds like it might never happen. If it doesn’t it wasn’t meant to be. Oh well I am over it. I need to focus on my and what I need to do, I can’t worry about him.

We will see if he steps up to the plate. The ball is in his court.

Valentines Day

Anthropomorphic Valentine, circa 1950–1960

In my adult life I always hated this day. I never have a significant other on this day. The few times I have they never have acknowledge the day at all. When I was a child through my late teens my mom would buy me a Valentine gift. Whatever our issues we have had over the years I love my mother deeply. She is a special woman. I haven’t always appreciated her type of special. Don’t get me wrong the woman can be completely crazy. I know she always loved me with all she had.

Well I sent Doctor dude a Valentine, chocolate covered Oreo’s. I don’t know why. I got an email from this gift place I order from. I thought why not. I do that from time to time. Things out of the ordinary. I have never met this man. I wanted a Valentine so I claimed him.
I didn’t order from my usual gift place. I went to Amazon and got something on the cheap. Did I mention I have no idea where this man lives. I sent it to his office. With the 3-5 day shipping it should be there on the 14th.

So I have a Valentine this year. He doesn’t know it!! My secret. If he does or does not appreciate it, it made me feel good. That is all that counts.