No longer a Risk taker

Boston Common (TV series)

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I moved to Georgia with nothing. I had a 1997 Mazda 626 with a hitch on the back. Which had a small TV 19 inch, clothes and books. I was sick of Boston. I was sick of my family. I was sick of always running into people who knew the old me. The fat no self-esteem girl. I wanted different. I was sick of snow. I was sick of living at home.

I did not come to this conclusion on my own. I went to this big party around Christmas. I ran into this girl who stole my fake boyfriend when I was 16. Yes I was in love with this green-eyed boy who road the church van with me and my cousin.  I didn’t attend this church. I went to their outing they had on Friday nights.

I was in love with him. Well my version of staring and wishing and praying he would notice me. He noticed her and they had one of those quick teenage romances. I wouldn’t have cared, but she knew I was in love with him. So needless to stay I still had a grudge against the bitch. So when I ran into her at the party 9 years after she stole my fake boyfriend I wasn’t happy to see her. I should have been more mature I was 25.  I was also no longer the fat outcast. I was the tall thin and sexy new girl on the block. Oh well moving on.

She moved to Atlanta. She was in town visiting her mom. She was telling me all about it. I said that is nice and tried to get away from her. Then she said you should move their too. I said no I couldn’t do that. Not that I wanted to stay in Boston. I always wanted to leave. I tried to get my best friend to move with me several times. We always did a lot of talking and no moving.

Then the statement came out. I know she was being a bitch. The words stuck and hurt my soul. Well you are 25 and you live at home with your mother. You don’t want to be 30 living at home with your mother.

I went home that night thinking about that statement. I love my mother, but I didn’t want to live with her the rest of my life. A childhood friend who was a nomad since graduating high school. She moved state to state with ease. She said you will never be truly independent until you leave your home state.

I had no fear. I was leaving. When I decided I was on a mission. I got a second job to save money. I was leaving in exactly six months.  I quite my job, packed my stuff and was off. My cousin took the drive with me to my new home state. My mother cried. My uncle told me I wouldn’t make it and would be back. I told him god had my back and I truly believed it.

I slept on a sleep sofa at my cousins house in my new state. I got a job in about two months. Then I moved into an apartment with a guy I known for three weeks. Yes that is right  I hadn’t even known him a month. We met on the train and I was smitten. I didn’t move in with him because of that. I was trying to get the hell out of my cousin house. The situation had run its course. I was about to be homeless if I didn’t make a move.

The guy and I lasted a total of three months. I kicked him out and I have been on my own ever since.  How about him and I are still friends. I talked to him a few weeks ago.

Eleven years several jobs a house purchase a dog addition. I am still here, still kicking.

That was the biggest risk of my life. I took that risk with ease. I want to know where is that girl. I want her back. I need to find the old me and breathe life into her. I knew no obstacles. I miss her.

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