I know I suffer from depression. I had doctors tell me it isn’t severe enough to go on medication. I am grateful for that. It still no fun to deal with.
I was so excited about the process of getting rid of my house. Then when I found out I needed to be in default to even be considered. It just took me for a tail spin. I talked to one of my single mother by choice friends. She said it perfectly. I am sick of being responsible. I am responsible for everything in my life. All my choices affect me and only me. I would love a partnership. A co counsel on my life and decisions.
I know it is what it is. Bitching about it won’t change it. Depression brings food and I know I gained back all I have lost. I know I have lost my sanity with every bite. I have to get it together.
I am going back to my program for food this week. I can at least go back home slim and trim and feeling good. These 30 damn pounds seem so impossible. Just like my unmanageable life. I know some of this is self-created drama. The poor me’s. Other than this blog I really haven’t expressed it to anyone. It just goes around and around in my head. I need to let it out.
On a brighter note I am miss popular on the dating site when I switched it to Massachusetts. I really wasn’t expecting that. It is a bit of an ego boost.
Now I am obsessed with insemination stories on YouTube. THey are mostly lesbian couples. The story have gotten me hooked. Now I am following their pregnancies week to week. I am trying to keep my body ready for when I am ready to do my insemination. I am taking a prenatal, DHEA. I am going to go back to acupuncture when I get out of my house.
I miss the acupuncture. I need to relax, and the acupuncture did help. The DHEA is giving me side affects. I didn’t realize it until my friend mention another friend was dealing with the side affects. I have acne and my hair is falling out. Thank god I have enough hair on my head to go around so it doesn’t make a difference. Also extra hair growth. I haven’t really noticed that thank god.
I bought another scratch ticket today. I am really going to have to work on this!!