If it isn’t one thing!!

The AC in my truck has a mind of its own. It wants to work sometimes. I really don’t feel like sitting in the car shop. I think I have no choice. We have a heat wave starting today. It will be over 100 degrees for a while. Joy, Joy my hour commute is going to be terrific. I went out at lunch to run some errands and it worked. Hopefully in five pm traffic I will have the same luck.

A friend called and might be interested in my property. Yay!! As I said I could careless who buys it. Just someone buy it dammit. I am still in my scratch ticket fantasies. It is the only thing keeping my sane at the moment. TGIF, I am so glad it is Friday. I wish my work was done and I was heading home. I have several hours to go. I am not motivated at all. Motivation and a paycheck. I have to suck it up and do what I have to, I need my paycheck.

My co workers smacking is driving me crazy. It is hard to sit at this desk and not yell over the cube do you realize you smack all day!! I know she doesn’t realize how noisy¬†and un cute her mouth sounds are. I also have no right to say anything. I try to turn my music up, it doesn’t help that much. I need ear phones. It wouldn’t work well with my job. I need to be able to hear people and answer the phone. I am ready to go home and go back to bed.

My cousin is coming into town today. Also I have to carry my dog to the grass because the news informed me his paw pads would be burnt on the concrete. I am sure he is going to hate me carrying him. He will have to get over it. Either me carrying him or burnt paws. Big fun for me!!!

Counter offer!

If the bank lowers the price my past buyer might be in the game again. I am praying for good things. I also have been forcing everyone else to pray for me. Am I ready to pack up my house of nine years. No, not exactly!! I will pack when I get the good news that my house is sold.

As soon as this goes through I am starting something I can’t take back. I have to say I am stressed about the outcome of this situation. Blind faith is so difficult.

I have a place to live after the sale of the house. Which will be temporary before the big move back up north. I want everything to happen now!!! I know that isn’t realistic and I am living in a dream world. My fantasies have always been better than my reality.

The nice thing is I believe I have several dates when I touch down in Massachusetts. We will see if these men online stay interested long enough to take me on date. ūüôā

This needs to happen

They lady next door wasn’t interested. She directed me to her realtor daughter who might have someone interested. I need major positive vibes my way. I could careless who buys it. Just get it off my hands. If things worked easily It wouldn’t be my life.

So many things on my mind. I am ready to get this one-off¬†my mind!! Home ownership was very overrated in my case. I am sure a lot of people feel that way. So trying to do the right thing and short sale instead of foreclosed seems like a big ass struggle. I have half the battle the bank. But if they came in any where close to what my buyer was willing to pay I wouldn’t be complaining my ass off on this blog.¬† I would be worried about packing and moving.

I know god is working for me in the background. Patients is not my thing. I am going to try my best and have some blind faith all will work out. I have had baby brain for about a week. I keep thinking about having a baby. I have to stay off Facebook. All people with their new baby pictures are making me jealous.

My friend also informed me today I look like a 13-year-old with all this acne I have. I have never had bad skin. This issue is due to the DHEA I am taking for my own AMH results. It is supposed to help with my egg quality. The bad skin is a side effect. Yah me!!! I will live!!

Family Drama defused!

This took so much out of me. My aunt and I had a long talk last night. We cleared everything up and all is good in the world. It still concerns me how this drama took me down so easily. One of the reason it is great to remain very far from family. It made me think am I going home to the firing squad.

My cousin loving reminded me I am going home for a purpose. Yes I am. I would like to have a great experience at home. I don’t know if that is going to be possible. I haven’t moved yet and they already had me in tears for two days.

On a better note. I might have a new buyer for my house. Yeppie!!! My next door neighbor is a renter. I asked for his landlord number. I called her yesterday and she might be interested. Here is to hope.  I will call her in about an hour and pray for good news.

My life is going up and down. My father said I should focus on first things first. I need to get rid of this house, then move. I can’t do anything about what is going on in Boston. So I need to let it go. Easier said then done. I am glad my aunt and I cleared everything up. I felt a severe hole in my heart with what I thought happened. I couldn’t let it go. It was on my mind for two days. I am glad that hole is fulled with the love she has for me.

I told her we have had are petty arguments but this was totally different. She felt the same way and was really sorry. She explained what happened and I realized my mom bleu it into a full scale drama. I have to watch what I believe these days.  Why am I moving home again??? Yeah that is right to have babies. I have to remember that!!!

Family Drama!

I asked myself after this weekend. Why do I want to move home? Am I insane? I called my mother to ask¬†had she talked to my aunt¬†. She hadn’t called me all day which is unusual.

I should have left dead dogs lie. I love my aunt. But over the years we have a love hate relationship. I have let a lot of resentments go where she is concern. That would mean something to her if she ever thought she did anything wrong. It is hard to say what you need to say, to someone who is the forever victim. A person who is very selfish and her pain trumps anyone elses.

She did something this weekend that hurt my soul so bad. Now my mom feels guilty for telling me what happened. I am the type¬†that because we have the same blood does not give you a pass. I called her several times to discuss this. I did leave a very bad message on her answering machine. Which I was going to apologize about. She wouldn’t pick up the phone. I talked to my cousin about it. I felt bad putting him in the middle. But I have no one else to feel my pain.

She finally called me. For an emergency situation nothing to do with the issues. I tried to help and tried to discuss the issue and I got a I am sorry which she was yelling and didn’t sound sincere at all.¬† I yelled back you called me don’t yell at me. If she thinks I am accepting that apology she is on crack. I called my cousin and told him he better talk to her because I will never speak to her again. I hate to say it but he knows I will do it.

My cousin and I briefly talked and he said she was going to talk to me tomorrow. I will make it clear. I am not coming home to drama. We need to see what her explanation for herself is in this situation. I let a lot of things go with this aunt. This issue it isn’t going to happen. So we will see!! I am a grown woman and do not have to deal with crap.

Family does not get a pass to treat me like crap!!! We will see if she calls or not!! I am just so feed up. As a friend said you can pick your family you are just stuck with your family.

Good News/ Bad News

The bank approved my short sale. But (there is always a but) they counter at 10k more than what was offered. So my buyer is gone. All is not lost. I need to find a new buyer. My house has been posted again and I am praying a new buyer will appear quickly.

My realtor said we have a time limit. If I can not find a buyer then I have to do the process again. Which I don’t want to do that. Please old Please buyer appear. It is still a great deal!! I am working on staying positive and letting good things happen. I am nervous. I always been told fear and faith doesn’t work in the same heart.

I need more faith and less fear!!

Staying positive round 2

No news is good news I guess. I haven’t heard anything from my bank or my realtor. I don’t know if that is good or bad. I emailed him for an update. I am going to call him today or tomorrow and see what is going on.

I am still working on being positive. Two friends had great things happen to them. One, her car was fixed for free which was great and a long story. Anytime you don’t have to pay money is a great day. Another friend moving violation was dismissed. Great things do happen. I have to believe they will happen to me also.

I am excited, nervous and every other emotion about my plans. Moving back to the place I ran away from. Boston is a very small place. Yes it is a city, but I went to first grade through college in Massachusetts. I know I will run into people left and right. It is not like when I moved to Atlanta. I was new and no one knew me. It was great.

I decided when I move home I am going to treat Boston like a new city I never been to. I am going to explore and try different things. I really didn’t appreciate the city when I was there. I meet people who say they love Boston. I can’t say that has been my experience. Maybe I haven’t taken the time or effort to love it.

Meetup.com has a lot of groups I can join. Start a new social circle. I am going to be off and running when I finally get settled in my mother’s house. That is so humbling. Moving back to the house you were raised in. sacrifices had to be made to achieve all I want.

It is a positive my mother wants me home. She never wanted me to leave. I am her only child. We lived with my grandmother, so having everyone in a house is not a foreign concept.

I know my mom’s house and maybe Boston will not be my finally stop. It is a change for now.

First things first!!! Shortsale my house and move out!! That is going to be my prayer every night. That step one goes smoothly!!!

Staying positive

Nothing to complain about today. Which is a great thing. I am just staying positive with everything going on in my life. I also made a decision. I might start home insemination when I am ready to TTC. I am going to give that a short first. So back to charting my cycles. This month by shot. We will see if I missed it.

Short sale Phase 2

I believe I made it through phase 1. They are coming to appraise the property. I wanted to ask so many question. Does this mean everything is good and it is going through? No clear answer on that. But I made it to the next step. 

regardless this is a good sign. 30-60 days I hopefully  no longer will be a home owner. I will be homeless. My first option to move might fall through. Thank god for plan B. My friends who are going to adopt my dog are willing to take me in for how long I need. They are so great!! It is a beautiful thing to have great friends.

I am going to keep praying that everything works out!! A friend of mine who had three children. Two through IVF said she truly believes she got her kids from praying everyday. I need to get on that band wagon. I am running on blind faith here, that I am doing the right thing!!!

Checking in!

Nothing much going on. I am waiting for my short sale to move through the channels. Father’s day is coming up. I sent my dad a card. He made me very resentful¬†this week. Which is interesting with father’s day coming up. His wife died a few years ago. His wife not my mother being she is the ex-wife.

My father has no children with his wife. He has a lot of step children and grandchildren. Which I always been jealous of the grandchildren. They have had my father in a way I have never had him. Checking homework, school functions, picking up and dropping to school. My father never checked my homework or picked me up from school, and was not at many school functions.

Well he has given his 18-year-old¬†step grandchild a car. His old car and bought another one. I have to say I was totally pissed. Then the young buck crashed the car after having it for three months. My father is fixing it to give it back to him. I said excuse me!!! I was totally upset. Then these bull shit words came out of his mouth. I would have done it for you. That is when I really got irate. He corrected himself. I didn’t have the means to do it for you. I knew there needed to be a lot of correction in that statement. I put myself through college. Meaning two or three-part time jobs at a time. I didn’t have my own car until I was 21. My grandmother left me a car when she died. I know I should let it go and I am a big girl. But I was very upset about this yesterday.

My father never understood how I felt about his additional family. He ignores what he does not want to see. It didn’t help that his wife and I hated each other. I can’t change what my father does with his money. I need to let it go but it is difficult. God help me. God in Devil out!!!