Finally a good Date!

I went on a date yesterday. It wasn’t planned. We were talking I reminded him that we live close together. A plan came together to meet at Starbucks. I had to use my GPS of course. I had no idea where I was going. The Starbucks was closed. So technology being what it is. He got on his phone and found another Starbucks. Then we were off. Well we ended up at Applebees. He got some food, I a decaf coffee. I am working on losing this weight. A lot of conversation we are in the parking lot making out. OMG how old am I. Can I say I had fun. The making out moved to the car. Followed with more making out and more conversation.

We met around 8 pm. I didn’t get home until 12:45. I had a great time. I didn’t realize how bad I needed some male attention.

Now the bad news. All we can be, is friends. This man has a lot on his plate. I also have plans of my own. I have no intention with getting involved with a man who has no time for me. Been there got the tee-shirt. It was nice thought. I also don’t know how to back track from making out to friends. I am going to have to work that out some kind of way.

I told him we need to just be friends. He agreed but I am not sure he really agreed. The man can say yes then push the envelope when ever possible. I am not falling for that crap. Okay I am going to try not to fall for that crap. I am not emotionally there to be played with. So life goes on. We do have a date on Sunday. I got to get it together before then.

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Lottery Dreams!!

 

I know I day-dream a lot. I did that even before I got into playing the lottery. I believe it is the Pisces in me. I always had a great fantasy world.

I talked to my dad yesterday. He said he was one number away from winning the 100k on Mass cash. I was thinking damn that could have been my ticket out. I asked him and how much would you have given me. Of course I get the “there you go again “LOL. He ended up with 250 bucks. Nothing that would help me in the long run presently. Then he said” if you win what would you give me. I said what do you want”. He comes back with “nothing I am fine.”

My mother and father both are not takers. They are really givers. My mother more so than my father. My fathering being very very cheap. I am cheap so I guess I get that from him.

My lack of patients had me in my dream world more often. I am not crazy I know the difference between reality and fantasy. I don’t want any of my friends calling some service to come get me because they read this blog.

There is nothing wrong with dreams. What would I do if I had no dreams. I would have nothing to expire toward. Dreaming puts a smile on my face in many ways. Sometimes it has help me get through a hellish work day. Which I have had more than usually do to I am ready to go to the next phase of my life.

Life is full of surprises. I know my life has been stranger than fiction. I couldn’t have dreamed most of this shit up.  So for now I am enjoying my freedom of fantasy!!!

 

Lord I need PATIENTS

 

Patients Included

 

I am having such a hard time with patients. I am ready to have my babies yesterday. I know I am blessed, everything went in my favor. House is gone check, Money coming in check. I want the money now and the moving done and insemination and pregnancy to happen right now.

 

I am already pissed off I don’t have a husband. Now when I finally make the hardest choice in my life. Which I am still having a hard time dealing with. I have to wait even longer.

 

I have so many fears. Yet I am beyond ready to get this party started. Why do I want twins?  I would love to go through this process once. Have a sibling for this child that has only one true parent. My mom is a twin so there is hope. Plus I heard older women have more twins, Black women have more twins and tall women have more twins. Check, Check, Check. Am I scared to death to have two babies at once. HELL YES!!! But I will work it out. Like I work out everything in my life.

 

I could just get up and go and let the chips fall. I don’t want to leave in total financial disarray. I am trying to be smart. When I really don’t want to be. I am trying to be responsible when I want to throw up my hands and say I don’t give a shit. I am trying to act like a grown up. When I want to stomp my feet and say why me. Why do I have to go through this crap. Why do I have to be different. Why can’t I have a baby with having sex and not in an office. An office I can’t get to yet until I move to Boston get a job and have some health insurance.

 

Life is stranger than fiction. My life seems so fictional at this moment. I am not living on my own. I been on my own for 12 years. I am giving up my dog. I know my heart will break but it has to be done. I am moving to a place I barely like to visit. All due to my need to have a child.

 

Something I thought would come with the husband first. The husband dream I had to lay to rest in my mind. The fairytale that might come true in another time but not in time for a child. The fear of having fertility issues. The fear of being pregnant alone. The fear of who will really help when my children are born. It is easy to say how much you will help when they aren’t here yet. When they are fictional thoughts in your mind.

 

Cut in dry I am a ball full of fear with no patients. I HAVE ISSUES!!!

 

My body!

I have had a love hate relationship with my body. Okay to be honest more hate than love. I was a very overweight teen that lead to a very overweight young adult. I also hate exercise. I haven’t grown out of that one. Well My almost 300 pounds is at a normal weight. Even thought I desire to lose another 20 pounds. My aunt disagrees and I am sure my mother will also. But I need to please myself not them.

I know the only way to get my body to look close to what I want I need to exercise. More precisely weight train. Especially since I don’t have baby money right now. So I sure don’t have plastic surgery money. A personal trainer told me years ago. Cardio and eating right you will lose weight. But you will be a smaller version of yourself. To make changes to your body you need to weight train. My weight loss has been going incredibly slow. Which makes me want to eat. Like WTF am I doing all this for not to lose weight. I am still in my size 10 at six-foot tall. So I think to myself what the hell am I bitching about. I can’t be this crazy. I use to bitch when I wore a size 24 now I am bitching at a size 10. A size I never thought I dreamed I would ever be in life.

I was actually an eight for a few years. Which the clothes in my closet remind me all the time. Well today I put on these paints. I wear the same stuff to work every week. So I noticed a difference. The pants were loose around the waist. My biggest problem area my stomach.

I was so excited and happy and rejuvenated to go to the gym today. It took over a month but I finally see some damn success from going to the gym. I have noticed I am stronger and can do more than when I started. I know me!! I was about to throw in the towel and get back to my lazy routine of life.

NEW SCRATCH TICKET NEWS!! 

I have a winning ticket. If you read my blog you know I will wait to scratch it. But will this be money I need to move to Boston and have my TWINS!!!! STAY TUNED!!!

Baby dust to a friend who had an IUI the other day. You know who you are!!!

I know I am not crazy!!!

Mr Dee or short guy has shown his ass. To me it is shocking he showed his ass in three days. I am going to start from the beginning. He emailed me out of the blue after about two years. He found me online after I blew him off several years before. Then two years after that I get an email saying I was thinking about you. He invited me out to dinner for his birthday. I told him my plans including the baby. He started with you aren’t moving in five months. Me and you are going to make it happen (in so many words) I am going to have to call your parents and tell them you aren’t coming blah blah blah. So big talk I invited him to my friends 40’s birthday party. He said he wanted to go.

Well I had to call this fool three times to find out he wasn’t going to this party. The first time to make sure he got the address. Then he tells me he is going to a friends party and will bring the guys from there to this party. Okay that sounds good. Second time he mentions nothing. Then an hour and half before the party is over I text him. He says save me a dance. I say you are on your way. Then you will not believe this shit. I am not going to make it. I was like WTF!!!

Common curtsey is something always lacking in the men I meet. But it gets worse. I am not a chick to put up with crap or hold my tongue. I told him I wouldn’t be going to the movies. Then it seemed he still didn’t get the point. I then text!! (god forbid a man can have an argument verbally, Since texting all these punks hide behind their cell phones) I let him know he was not the guy for me and good luck in your search.

You know this asshole said I wasn’t trying to make you my woman. You said you were leaving in five months. You just wanted someone to hang out with. Now I don’t know this guy. Maybe he smokes crack in his free time. But that is exactly what he said. I am going to have to call your parents to tell them you aren’t going back to Boston. Also did I mention after he stood me up. The next text was are were you missing me today.

I know I am not crazy. God spared me from this punk ass fool. I just can’t see how this can all go down in three days. Then you wonder why I want to be a Single Mother by choice.

Yesterday was different!

I think I am an attractive girl. But two men gave me a compliment yesterday. Both in gas stations. One guy stopped me and told me I was beautiful and the other guy tried to get my phone number. He wasn’t my type so my I have a boyfriend answer flew out my mouth. But damn it is nice to get some male attention.

New guy did call. I was going to call him short guy. But for this blog I am going to call him Dee. Dee actually returned my phone call. He was going to a comedy show. His birthday was the other day. Sounds like his friends are taking him out for the big 41.

I asked him to invite some guy friends to my friends birthday party on Saturday. I am looking forward to dressing up and shaking what my mama gave me!!.

I need a night of fun. I made it to 19 days of working out. I am so proud of myself. I usually flake by now. I wasn’t going to go yesterday but changed my mind out of guilt. I don’t care why I showed up but glad I did.

My SMC friend and I had a pity party yesterday of why aren’t we married and blah, blah. No need to go into it. It is nice to have someone to feel your pain.  If another married friend tells me marriage isn’t all that again I will scream my head off.

Dee has big dreams of us working out. At least that is what he told me on our date. I think I need to be more optimistic than I usually am. Who knows right!! I thought I would be married with  two kids by now.  So clearly I don’t know shit.

My sudden attention from men might be from my new makeup mission. I have always been a tom boy and never really wore makeup. Unless going out. Well I got into wearing makeup daily. I love YouTube. I found this girl who has a lot of tutorials that has hooked me up. I feel like I actually know something. With my new phone I watch a few of her tutorials  before I go to bed. It does make me feel better about myself. My skin was breaking out bad. So with the make up you can’t see it anymore. Thank god.

Check her out!!

I am back!!

I have been MIA for a little while. I have been busy with a few things. My aunt and I had a great time. How can you love someone who drives you completely crazy. I love my aunt but she can drive anyone to drink. It is her way all the time. She doesn’t like to hear the words no. Which as an adult and not a child I can say when I want.

She is the type to sit in a store for hours. I am not. I left her in a store and had to pick her up later. I had other things to do. She also feels that if she buys you things you owe her in a way. I don’t play that game at all. I am me period. No matter what you purchase. I didn’t ask you to buy me anything so it is up to you if you do so. I have to say again I do love this woman. But she is very controlling. After the first day or arguing because she wanted to tell me what to do every few minutes we got into a groove and had a great time. The first night she called her son and said I kept yelling at her.

It took her literally two hours to get ready in the morning. We were late. To something she set up for us to do. I never seen someone take two damn hours to wash your ass and get dressed. I was done and sat there for an hour waiting for her. Did I mention I am not the most patient person. She said I am just like my mother. Which I am, we get up get ready and out the door. This is my mother’s twin sister. Every time my mom goes somewhere with her she says “She better not be late and have me waiting”. I called my mom the first day. She said is she acting up yet. So clearly we all know my aunts antics.

We went to the MLK center, acupuncture, met my roommates, Ate out a lot, went shopping. So we did a lot in four days. Then I took Monday off for myself. She said maybe I can come back for acupuncture again. I said it interesting that you come visit 10 years after your last visit. When I no longer have a home and now you have to stay in a hotel. Yes the last time she was here was ten years ago. I never said my family made any kind of sence.

Other than that I went on a date two days ago. Shocking!!! This guy I met in 2008 sent me an email.

I was at a club for a friend’s birthday in 2008. This handsome guy was infatuated with me.  The problem I had been he was 5’8. I am six-foot in my flat feet. I had heels on that night which made me 6’2. So I thought it was that short man fetish. Yes short men love me for some reason. He was very persistent, but I blew him off and left the club. Fast forward a few years. He ran into me online. The world is so small with the internet involved. I don’t remember what happened but we talked for a little. I guess I lost interest and that just faded.

Now two days ago. I get an email from him. I was thinking about you. I thought damn I was thinking about him to. Due to the fact now I live on his side of town. I been looking for a friend to hang with until I move. It was his birthday and he wanted to go out to dinner. I told him I felt bad. I really didn’t have the money to take him out to dinner. Wasn’t in my budget. I spent a lot of money with my aunts visit. He said no problem he would take me he wanted the company.

Okay so we had dinner. It was nice. I went for broke and told him my baby plans and the whole deal. He said if you would have given me a chance we could have been married and had our kids right now. Yeah, sounds good but we don’t even know each other. He has a tall girl fetish and that is what is fueling this attention towards me. He isn’t that talkative. But a lot of men are not. I invited him to my friend’s birthday party. She said she needed more men. I thought why not. Then yesterday I text him and asked him if he wanted to go the two dollar movie with me on Sunday. He said yes. Well other than a text I haven’t heard from him.

I never said I didn’t want to be married and have my children that way. I am not going to take just anything to do it. I can get over the height thing. But our personalities need to mesh. Also I am sick of lack of attention from men. So we will see if he puts in the effort or what. I have my plan A. If he want to make himself a strong plan B we will see.

I plan to be out of here in five months. We will see what happens. We make plans god laughs. I guess I need to be more optimistic!!!!

I am still here!!

I have been busy!! Especially at work, which is where I usually type my blogs!!( Did I say that) LOL.

Life has not been that interesting. Many men online, no dates. I think I am attractive. It is funny to me how, I get so much attention. Then they have this failure to launch. Oh well can’t do anything about it and don’t care. I want my babies. The more I deal with these foolish ass men. The more I think of being a SMC.

Everyone keeps asking me when am I moving. Okay my aunt keeps asking. I told her if she wants to open her check book and give to the move back home fund, I will be home very quickly.

The truth is I support myself. I need to strategically handle my finances before going anywhere.

My roommate situation has been lovely. They are great. They make me feel welcome. Because I feel like they are helping me so much. I try to be as helpful as possible. I always wash my dishes and pitch in with the dogs. I don’t keep my room straight all the time. I feel that is my room so that is okay. It isn’t dirty or anything. Thank god for good friends.

I have been working out but played hooky yesterday. I am going to get back on track tomorrow. I want that beach body. I don’t know if that is going to happen without surgery. Best believe if I had surgery money I would get it done without a thought. Well after I give birth. No reason to mess up a perfectly good tummy tuck!!

All in all life is good. The only thing standing in my way is cold hard cash. My aunt is coming to visit me this week. We should have fun or she will drive me crazy. I am hoping for the fun part! She is my mother’s twin sister and drama is her name. I love her a lot but she could drive someone to drink!!