Life has been very routine. I go to work and come home. I might go to a meeting or the gym. Other than that my life has been pretty blah. I spent Thanksgiving with the dogs of the house. They kept me company while my roommates were out at a friend’s house. They asked me to come. I have so many eating restrictions I didn’t want to deal with a friend of a friends cooking.
I did enjoy the days off. A SMC friend had her baby. So happy for her and so ready to get started for myself. I bought my mom a new refrigerator and a dryer. My aunt when out for black Friday and purchased it. I am paying her back on installments. Trying to get everything ready for my arrival. Which I wish was now. No scratch ticket winning to move me to Boston faster.
I renewed my subscription to the single mother by choice forum. So it is officially been over a year having a baby by myself has been my pursuit They also published another one of my articles. I have been looking at jobs in Boston. It is so hard to find something when you are sick of what you do. I look at the descriptions and think I don’t want to do that shit. I am sick of doing it now.
All a means to an end. I have met some guys online. They seem to lose interest after a while with me being in another state. Even letting them know it will be a few short months doesn’t help the situation. Oh well life goes on!!. Male attention would be nice but not required. I wish I had something more interesting to report. Well I do have one good thing. My credit score didn’t take as much of beaten with my short-sale Thank god, that made me feel great!!!
Not much going on in my life. I actually go to bed pretty early most nights. My roommates take care of my dog. So my responsibility are pretty small these days. My dog loves them a lot. Which I love and slightly jealous. They also feed him all kinds of food he never got with me. He also sleeps on there bed and is spoiled beyond belief by them. So clearly he might miss me but he will be fine.
I actually need to get a life. I know it seems lame. But I feel like my life will begin once I am in Massachusetts. Ready to do all I have been planning for. I swear weekly I get the question when are you coming back. Right now February is the month. When I am not to sure. It is creeping up quick.
I still have many unscracted, scratched tickets. I am going to get to that tonight. I think I would be pissed off if I had some money I didn’t know about. LMAO!!!!!
I have been addicted to Youtube for a few years now. I watch videos about everything from pregnancy to how to’s and so on. I fell in love with this one YouTube family. They had been on YouTube for a multiple of years when I started watching their videos. They had two children together. He already had two children. Which made the grand total of four kids. Then they were married it seemed so grand. They showed the kids progress and so on. Their videos ranged from random to funny. Their relationship seemed so great. They did things as a family. They worked a lot to keep the family going.
Well yesterday they had an announcement. I was thinking are they pregnant again? I wonder what it could be. I listen closely for the news.
They are getting a divorce. My mouth dropped. Of course they didn’t reveal much of how this relationship came to an end. They mentioned they haven’t lived together in months. A six-year relationship down the tubes. I felt bad for them.
The soon to be ex-wife did say something that makes sense We only know them for ten minute segments of their lives. We don’t know what happens day-to-day. There stresses and problems.
When I think of being a SMC I get depressed. Sometimes I think of how lonely it could be. I have to push that out my mind. Clearly all the relationships I have been in didn’t work. Or I would still be in them.
If I had children out of those relationship, I would be a single parent. It just wouldn’t have been my choice from the start.
I looked at this family with envy of something I wish I had. The truth is I am not a fly on the wall in their house. I don’t know if either of them cheated, abusive, can’t manage money. There is a lot of factors to make a relationship work. Clearly I haven’t mastered relationships myself.
The demise of a YouTube family makes me think of my life and what I need to do. I need to push through with my dreams. They might not happen another way.