Getting Fat and not happy!!

Milk Shake

 

My size 12 are getting tight. I know the road this is taking me. I am not happy. Is it my fault. YES!! Still not happy about it.

 

I was talking to a friend from the very restrictive program I was in for six years. I still might go back to. Presently taking a break from.

 

Well we decided to help each other. We created our diet plan. I have gotten into snacking. I don’t think that is a bad thing. Per say!! Yes it is when we are talking chips and other junk food.

 

So our plan is pretty much the plan that got me to a small size 8. With a few exceptions. Such as fruit is used for snacks. Some fruits will not be added. Banana  watermelon and a few others.

 

We will talk every night about the next day. The key we decided is honesty. I am excited she is not!!!. The funny thing is this all started from what I read last night. From the book Think like a thin person. It stated there are two types of thin people. The one who is naturally thin. Then the other that works at it. The one who works at it will restrict their diet if they eat too much at one meal or gain weight. People with weight problems complain about not being allowed to eat what they want.

 

I thought it was hilarious  So did my friend. We are both complainers of not being thin and allowed to eat what we want. So when I told her about the book she busted out laughing. I knew she would. We are both in the same boat with it.

 

So we start on Saturday. I am going grocery shopping tomorrow to get ready. You know as always when I am ready to start again. I have to say my good bye’s to my food. I love ice cream milk shakes. I always get sugar-free ice cream. I am going to stop at Brewster s on the way home.

 

My roommate and I have been car pooling and I let her know that will be a stop. I have to say my good byes. I hope I don’t say good-bye and hello in the next week.

 

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2 WEEKS!!

Zumba for Japan

 

My first consultation will be in two weeks. I have so many feelings. Nervous, Fear, Ready. I have no idea what is going to happen. I know I am going to ask can I do an IUI as soon as possible.

 

This is so Life changing. I haven’t received my first pay check on my new job. I am already spending the money.

 

I still have a bunch of scratch tickets un scratched in my room. I usually scratch when I am having a bad day. It looks like I haven’t had a bad day in a long while.

 

I went to my first Zumba class last night. I was looking at myself in the mirror while trying to Zumba. I am an uncoordinated mess. But hey I do feel I lost a bunch a calories. My hips just don’t work that way. I am so stiff compared to the instructor. She was shaking those hips and booty in a way I envied. The class was a block from my house and only four bucks. I have no complaints. I am going tonight. I need to lose this weight. I wish motivation was something you could purchase!!!

 

Doctor Dude is Back!

I was reading something about being Catfished. I guess that is MTV term for someone playing online like they are someone else. Even thought I didn’t come up with the phrase. I surely been figuring out who was full of shit for a long time.

Some of the ways to figure out if someone is real I been using for years. If the pictures look like they stepped out of GQ magazine. I am suspicious why you are online looking at me. If they don’t want to talk on the phone. This guy told me he wanted to meet before he gave me his phone number. He got the big delete. Do I look that crazy to meet you and never have ever talked to you. I am under no illusion it is dangerous to meet people you don’t know.

Which is a great intro to doctor dude. He started calling again last week. He knows my plans to inseminate. They were more plans than reality when I talked to him last. Now they are becoming more real. Doctor dude is okay looking. I am attracted to him, but he did not step out of a magazine  We have been talking on the phone on and off for about five years. Yes I was chit chatting with him when he was a resident. Now he is in a practice.

He always stated he would buy me a ticket to PA to see him. I always declined because I am not going to a strange city to meet a man I have never met before. I feel he should come see me on my terms. Well he has claimed busy for years. Which is fine. I would love to meet him. If we never meet I will not cry about it. I think I am very cautious to the online dating.

I met a guy online years ago. He lived in SC. Well he had me convinced of so many thing. The biggest is that he like me so much. His biggest concern was I was not going to like him. Well he came to GA and we met. I liked him he didn’t like me. Which he proceeded to tell me the next day. It was the biggest blow after months and months of him saying how great I was. So with that experience under my belt. I am not going to some strange city to possibly get rejected. I can get rejected in my own city.

Where I can drive to a friends and cry my eyes out if I need to. I like Doctor dude when we are consistently talking. He is a cool friend. He could be more that is totally on him. He claims he will be visiting soon. I am not holding my breath at all.

Award TIME

I just got an award!  Thank you Kristina over at IT”S MY LIFE

Liebster

This award is given to new or up-and coming-bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support one another. What a fun way to get to know other bloggers!

If you receive a nomination, there are a few rules to follow:

1) Each blogger nominated must post 11 things about themselves.
2) Then answer the 11 questions the tagger has asked.
3) Blogger must then create 11 questions of their own to ask the bloggers they decide to nominate.
4) They must choose 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers to nominate and link them on their blog post.
5) Bloggers must be notified of their award!  (I will likely slack on this one)
6) No tag backs!

11 things about me:

11 Personal Questions

1)      I use to be almost 300 pounds

2)      I am a big introvert

3)      My mom is a fraternal twin

4)      I have dated online since 1995

5)      I can be very LAZY!!

6)      I always wished I could dance

7)      I been in Georgia for 12 years

8)      I am from Boston but I don’t believe I have an accent

9)      I want to be a mother of twin girls

10)   Still hope to find the man of my dreams one day

11)   I got a promotion

Here are the 11 questions I answered that was in the tag

1.  When was the last time you played a board game?
I have to say over ten years ago. Not really into board games
2.  What game did you play?
I play the Sims 3 on my PC and WII
3.  What was the last book you read?
Think like a thin person
4.  What movie did you last see in the theater?  How was it?
Avengers it was great. 
5.  What item(s) are you never without?
My computer
6.  What is your favorite non-alcoholic beverage?
I don’t drink

7.  Do you have siblings?  Are you close?
Yes I have one brother from my dad. My cousin is more like my brother 
8.  What kind of music do you listen to?
I love old school 80’s
9.  Have you ever met anyone in person that you met online?
Yes I am a big online dater. Plus I have run into people out that I seen their profile online

10.  Do you still have a land phone line?
Nope.

11.  Do you watch reality TV?

No I hate it but my roommate loves it

And my nominees for the Liebster are….

OMG There is THREE

Navigating The Rapids

Searching for Mommyhood

It’s Definitely a Possiable

Future Expectations

Baby in the making

A Planned Life

True Confessions of a Single Mama

Me Myself & Twins

This May Be A Dream Come True

Nothing to report

Okay I am gaining weight. I am not happy about it all. I know it is all my fault and I am the only one to blame in this situation.

I threw out some of the things I had been snacking on. I also have not been to the gym in a long while. I am going to start again today. I feel I am always in a start over mode.

My appointment isn’t until February 13. I want it now. I am so excited and ready to get this party started!!!!

Living Situation!!

There has been a few wrinkles in my living situation. I asked my roommate / close friend would she be upset if I moved out. She said no and she understood if I made that choice. There are pluses and minuses to my living situation. The plus is the fun we have. Also the low-cost of a roommate situation. There are other factors making the situation not the greatest. I am not going into that.

I wouldn’t mine my own place. I just keep thinking of the financial consequence. I love having less bills. I have so much to do financially at the point. With the TTC and doing things for my mom. Which I will be living with eventually.

I also miss my own dwelling  It is a different feel when you can come home and just relax. Do what you want without thinking of anyone else.

A friend of mine said I was crazy and doing too much. I should move out. My aunt said I should think  of what I am gaining and stay. I also love not having a lease that I can do what ever I want when I want. In the case of leaving and not worrying about a contract I have to fulfill  Life never gives you easy choices. I am finding that out in more ways than one.

Always Something!

My skin looks terrible  All I want to say is WTF?? I started getting this adult acne. Which I think had to do with that DHEA I was taking for egg quality. Now I am starting to get darker skin around my lips. I just noticed it. The work bathroom with those damn fluorescent lights.

I am so focused on having a child do I really care about my skin. It is more of a pain in the ass than anything else. I didn’t have perfect skin to begin with. Now it is looking straight horrible  I have to admit it is bugging me. I stop wearing make up to work. I kept getting face make up on my papers. Which I found very embarrassing  I went to a dermatologist several months ago. He said it was adult acne for my forty dollar co-pay. He did give me some high octane skin dye. To get rid of the dark marks.  I have been using my cheap skin dye. He said the high octane stuff can make the other  parts of my skin light also. I didn’t want to do that. I might have to find a different doctor.

On the dating front, this guy online is annoying me. Yes I love attention, but I hate when someone likes me for no reason. Other than a pictures. This guy I talked to three months ago has popped up again. He is so, so interested in me. My question is why. We talked for ten minutes  you said you would call back and never did. I wasn’t that impressed by the conversation so my feelings were not hurt in the lest. He says he didn’t call back because I was moving. Now that I am not moving we can start over. Wait did I agree to press the restart button? Sounds like I am supposed to fall all over myself because he is interested all of a sudden.

Well I am not interested so that is that. I have so much on my plate, New job, baby making and this damn skin on my face. A man who comes into my life at this point has to be out of this world. Not I saw your picture want to bleep you. So let’s get to know each other conversation not required. I started using my block button on the website.

It seems to much to ask to talk to someone these days. Oh well, I am not really pressed about it. I guess it is fun to report the foolishness on my blog. I am not a man hater. I do believe there are great men out there. It is easy to find someone you attracted to.

I feel everyone has their brand of crazy. Their idiosyncrasies  that make them who they are. I need someone willing to deal with my brand of crazy. Also am I will to deal with theirs? Then I know I found a match!!!

 

Egg retrieval

My single mother by choice friend and ex neighbor needed a ride to her egg retrieval. I didn’t feel like it. It had been a long week and I wanted to sleep in. But us single mother by choice need to stick together. So I went to her house the night before and spent the night. We got there on time. She told me she wanted a fake wedding ring when she went into this office.

I have to say I felt her pain. Even sitting in the waiting room I felt like a bit of a loser. There were so many couples in and out. Women with these rocks on their fingers. We said to each other what the hell did we do wrong.

The funniest thing was when she said did I put lotion on my ass. She needed them to mark the spot for her progesterone shot when she got home. I said I am sure they have seen an ashy ass before. We both fell out laughing.

I found out she threw up three times after I dropped her off. It sucks not to have anyone to take care of you when needed. This is not going to stop me from having my babies. But it still sucks!!!

On a good note 21 eggs retrieved 10 fertilized. Sounds successful to me. I am going to pray for much baby dust!!

 

Here I am!!

I moved into my new office today. I just had enough time to put my stuff down and get to work. I have so much to do. I love the office, but I feel out of the loop to the office antics. All the jokes over the cube. I guess when you are boss you’re out of the loop.

I have two employees. One I been working with as a peer and one to be hired. So far so good. I am working on my delegation skills.  Now that I have been promoted I feel I need to up my game at work. I only took a half an hour lunch to get more work done. As soon as we get past year-end. I am sure things will lighten up.

I going to a sleep over tonight. I wish it was with a man LOL!! My old neighbor needs someone to drive her to her egg retrieval in the morning. So I am sleeping over because I do not live close to her.

It is sad when us SMC have no one to help. If it happened on a week day she was going to have the cab driver say he was related to her. What do you do when you don’t have a partner or family close to help you. That is why I know I need to move to Boston eventually. My family would never leave me in the dust. Granted I don’t have much family and they are all in there 60’s.  I appreciate them and the fact that they are excited for my journey.

I wonder how long egg retrieval takes???

 

 

Things are going my way!!

I have to say I am so blessed. Everything is going right. I could win the lottery but this a close second to that fantasy. I got rid of my house. I just found out I don’t have to pay any tax on the forgiven debt of my short sale. I found this out via research so I pray it is accurate.

I got a promotion with a sizable raise. Which will fund my baby making journey. I live with great people.

My roommate had a in interview today. Please put prayers out there for her. I hope she gets it and it is a great place for her to work.

To continue with my goodness. My car passed emissions.  So I didn’t have to pay the 600 bucks for a catalytic converter and a  H2 censor.

A friend of mine who is also on the single mother by choice journey dream seems to be coming true also. With a great co parenting situation. I wish she would blog too. I would read it she has so much to say. (I put that in because she reads my blog lol)

I have to say things are great. I want to keep that going. I did gain some weight. I am not happy about it. I am not stressed about it either. Which is new place for me to be.

So of course I have to mention my dating situation. I called this guy and cancelled a date because he seemed desperate. I want a man to want me. Not just any woman he can put in that spot. Well he left me a great voice message saying we can just hang out. No expectations. It was such a sweet message I called him back and thought it would be a great idea.

Well I regretted that decision. After I got off the phone with him. He sends me a texts and says we had a vibe. So if I am attracted to him what would I do about it. I am like WTF !!!. We decided on being friends so I thought. I have attractive friends. I am not jumping there bones after we hang out.

I was pissed off with the questions. It sounds like he doesn’t really want to be friends. It would just be a ways to ease into what he really wants. Which is crazy because we have never met and also haven’t had many conversations.

Either way he has made me feel uncomfortable. I am going to have to let him know I doubt there will be any dates.