okay I have been B.S. myself. My clothes were getting tight. Now they just don’t fit. This weekend I am going to have to find something to put on my behind to go to work. I am not even worried about going out. My social life is null and void. I was going to do my usual beating myself up about it. I decided that would not help. I was going to call myself all the you are fat disparaging names. I decided against that. Calling myself names just keeps the cycle going.
The truth is I am a food addict. I am addicted to food. I have known this fact for a very long time. I was in a program that help me with this issue. I have since left and the pounds have come back. I am not ready to go back to this program. But I have to let go of the fact I can eat like normal people. The fact is I binge on large amounts of food. That I eat a whole lot of crap I know I should not. That my emotions drive me to eat things for comfort. Today I am going to buy bigger clothes. Not to beat myself up about this stage of my life. To feel comfortable in my body and at work. Today I am trying again. Everyday I wake up I have another day to try. Trying to figure out my triggers.
My first trigger is the coffee at work. I put a bunch of cream in it. Make it more of a sugar latte than coffee. One of my co workers said you don’t like coffee huh!!. I thought to myself shut up. Which I didn’t say. The truth is she has a point. If I put so much crap in the coffee I must like the crap not the coffee. I know that bit of sugar. Which is not a lot, but it sets me up for the day of doing wrong with my food. So today I had some tea and water. I am going to try to make it through the day with no coffee and creamers. One day at a time. I need to make it through this 24 hours and I will feel like I have accomplished something.
On the baby front My next ultrasound is tomorrow. Last night the Letrozole made me dizzy. Which is one of the side effects. I went to bed very early. Looking forward to good things.