Baby Project #43

I am so freaking confused. I got the negative pregnancy test. I am waiting for AF to show up. I got a little bit of brown today.

I am going to pay for a blood test today. I need to know there is no human life in there. I already talked to my donor and we have a plan for this month. It all depends on when my period starts. I am going out-of-town right when I might need to be inseminated. Which freaking SUCKS!!!

Wouldn’t it be crazy if I am still pregnant. If I am not, exactly the same thing happened. A chemical pregnancy or an early miscarriage. This is so heartbreaking because I was so damn happy.

I have six positive pregnancy test. They were all first response. The difference in this situation I am not spending thousands of dollars. Which I am still pissed off about. I just have to coordinate with one person and drive there. In one way I am glad I went through the process of insemination in an office. If I hadn’t I would have thought I was missing something.

I wasn’t going to pay for a blood test before. Now I know I have to. I can’t fuck this up!!. I don’t want to hurt any unborn child. I have to treed carefully.

Other than that I am sick of being fat. I went to look for a dress for my cousin wedding. BIG ASS FAIL. I hated everything. They probably weren’t that bad. When you are looking at fat that wasn’t there before it is very depressing. I know it is my fault. I have to get myself together. I know the old isn’t working and I need some NEW.

Two couples I would watch their VLogs on YOUTUBE broke up. I was shocked. It just confirms nothing is perfect.

People don’t share their problems. They share the good-times. Know one is going to get out there and say he is a cheating loser. You never know what happens behind closed doors.

 

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