Baby Project #44

Life throws you curve balls. I don’t know what the hell is up with positive pregnancy test to then get a flipping negative. I read that this happens all the time.

I know I need to keep my mouth shut. I am getting sick of the pity I am hearing through the phone. My mom and aunt want to be totally a breast of my life. I know it is their form of being close. The harsh silences after the bad news is killing me.

I am very pissed off for many reasons. I left my food program again. I feel like I need to see a therapist. I might look for someone to talk to. I am not about to slit my wrist, but I am clearly having issues. I need to know if they can be helped. I don’t feel happy. I been feeling like a big loser. My mother screaming at me I am not a loser is not helping the situation. I been in my house by myself not socializing. I am an only child. I don’t mind being alone, but my state of mind I don’t know if I should spend so much time by myself.

I did go out with my old roommates last weekend. We had a great time. We went to dinner and to see The Heat. It was like a date, they came and picked me up. They are great people. I swear if the mother didn’t move in I would still be living there. Oh well life moves on and never seems to get easier.

If I go to the therapist I will tell them I don’t want to be on drugs. It seems these doctors give drugs to everyone. No antidepressants for me. The last time I took them they made me feel crazy. I just feel I am getting no understanding. I can barely understand myself.



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