Feeling Depressed!!

I have been Depressed for a while. I am working on finding me someone to talk to. A counselor is needed. I can’t shake this negativity. I use to be so resilient. Now I feel so miserable. I know life is not happiness all the time. I think I am having a mid-life crisis. I am not happy with my life at this point. These pregnancy disappointments are really wearing on me.

I don’t want to go on any medication. I am not big on those type drugs. The one time I took them when I was going through a hellish job situation. They made me feel crazy. I just need a new perspective from someone who has nothing to do with my life. To help me work through these issues. Talk about the skeletons in my closet. As my aunt said I don’t want to wake up with another 50 pounds because I couldn’t deal with my life.

My health insurance offers it, 40 copay. It is worth it, if it helps me get my life together. I tried talking to family and friends. Telling me to cheer up and not be depressed was not helpful. I know they are doing what they can. They love me and don’t want me to be upset. I need to make the next step to a professional. I know when I am not right and need help.

I know I have a good life. I am having a hard time appreciating it at the moment. It makes me feel ungrateful and horrible. There are always people in worse situations. I can’t help it. I want to rewind the clock. Change the history of my life. I live in that fantasy world.

I will tell you if I knew I would be in this position. I would have gotten knocked up a long time ago. I know everything happens for a reason and a season. I just feel unhappy. While I was typing this one of the clinical psychologist called me back. I have an appointment in a few weeks. It was going to be next week but that is baby making week with known donor. I have to do it the week after. I liked her on the phone. She didn’t make me feel like a freak. Here is to feeling better!!!


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