Day by day!

I think my all day sickness is calming down. I feel better. Not perfect, but a whole lot better. I love my family but sometimes the selfishness drives me insane. My aunt wanted to come to Atlanta. Which I have mentioned. She has a laundry list of things she wants to do. Getting her hair done being one of them. I told her I am not catering to her whims while she is here. As my therapist said it isn’t my job. I go out for a few hours to run my own errands and I am ready to take a nap on the weekends. During the week, I bring myself to wash the dishes take a shower and go to bed. Usually by 8pm.

When I first said this she got mad and said she will come to Atlanta on her own and get a hotel. I said great we can do lunch or dinner. Nope she didn’t want to see me at all. Clearly being a brat because I didn’t say what she wanted to hear. I ignored her. Then after time she slowly eased into coming to stay with me. Like I forget the tantrum this grown ass woman had because I told her no.

She said I can drop her off and pick her up for this hair appointment. I know she doesn’t like to hear no, but that is what she heard hell no. This place is 40+ minutes from my house. Not going to even almost happen.

The next attempt, I will come down for a doctor’s appointment. Sounded nice and like she was coming for me. I should have known some bullshit was up with that. She also agreed to rent a car to do her own thing. Wow sounded even better. She did ask to use my car. Which I said no. First it is my only mode of transportation. It is having issues and she would never let me driver her precious car. I was down with the doctor’s appointment. Well here is when I realized it was more about her than me. She starts thinking about when she is going to buy her ticket. I said wait, you need to know when I am actually having a doctor’s appointment to make a flight right. Ahh I got you!!! I love my aunt, but the world does not revolve around her. No matter how much she think it does.

I told her if she wants to come down rent and car and stay with me it is not a big deal. But you don’t have to tell me this bullshit about a doctor’s appointment. She got in her I don’t know what you are talking about voice and said okay. Then I reminded her of her tantrum early in the year that she was going to stay in a hotel and not see me at all. I heard another okay let me let you go. REALLY!!!

She has known me all my life. I rarely do shit I don’t want to do. I am not worried about her. I have enough on my plate with life stuff.

A friend said I don’t need a Douala. She seemed a little offended for me wanting to pay someone to be at my beck and call during delivery. Her and her partner got my back. Here is the thing. If it comes down to it and I am left hanging I am going to beyond pissed. I also don’t feel comfortable calling people all times of night. I know I am pregnant. Everyone keeps giving me this blank check of favors and be there for me. I appreciate it and really need to accept the help. Here is the problem, I am still me. Miss independent who don’t depend on people. Usually because when I have in the past I was disappointed big time. So I decided early in my life to do shit on my own. It is hard to break that from me. I need to work on it!!!



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