I woke up at 2am and could not go back to sleep. I felt a pain that reminded me of a big gas bubble. Anyone who has had gas in this fashion knows it is very painful. I tried everything from sitting on the toilet, taking Tums drinking water and ginger-ale. No dice. I still went to work. I let the cat out the bag about my pregnancy. I told my employees. They were very supportive one gave me a hug. Then a friend and I told someone who we felt had a big mouth and would tell the rest of the office. It looks like she might not have the biggest mouth that we thought.
I took a nap in my car and I felt the gas bubble coming back. I got active with my fitness pal again to monitor my calories. I increased the amount of calories for the second trimester. I am not sure if the broccoli I had for lunch increased my gas problem. I was in the work bathroom about to cry. Such pain and I was sweating. Thank god for offices. I got some water and closed my office door. My boss isn’t hear today so all is good in the hood. Gas bubble is still here I am trying to wait it out. I want to be a productive worker and save my vacation and sick time if possible.
Two people at my office said they could tell I was pregnant. They weren’t going to say anything. I find that so funny!!!
It is so damn hard to find tall girl maternity clothes. Today is the first day of wearing maternity pants and I keep having to pull them up. I bought a few more items online last night. I am not trying to go over board, but I feel like I am not getting this right at all. My friend asked me to come to her house on New Years. I need to find a dress that makes me look half way decent. My co-worker gave me a picture frame that records the baby heart beat. I thought that was so sweet. I told one of my employees I was pregnant and he said congrats and that was it. Took it very well. I also told him do not talk about it in the office. I will tell everybody else in a few weeks. He was cool with it. I believe he is also concern like my boss that I won’t come back.
I will not confirm or deny. We have Christmas Eve and Christmas off. I am going to enjoy those extra days. Not doing much but resting and relaxing. I need to do some cleaning. I will see if I get to that.
My house looks like a disaster. When I get home I am so damn tired it is unbelievable. I wish I could go home right now and go to sleep. My cousin said I need to take iron. It keeps slipping my mind. I have dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor and a lot of other things.
This is so not like me. Not that I am the cleanest person in the world. I am not usually this random with cleaning and keeping things together. I am also sick every night. I have night sickness not morning sickness. I leave work wanting a certain kind of food. Lately it has been breakfast food. I end up at home throwing it up shortly after. My clothes are getting really tight. I know in a few weeks I am going to break the news to the rest of my job. I think I am going to start with my employees.
I am a little nervous. I know there is going to be a lot of question. I wish I could avoid the whole thing. Not going to happen, I am going to have to face the office. Lucky me!!!
I just left my OBGYN appointment. I have gained 12 pounds in these four months. Not good at all. I wanted to tell her my weight issues have been going on since childhood. 12 pound isn’t shit to what I can pack on. I feel so bad. I know I been making a lot of bad food choices. It was so easy to do. I restricted myself for years and went hog-wild. She told me what to eat, which was so amusing to me. Not her telling me a diet. The diet was so close to when I was a size 8-10 and not my size 16. I need to stop the crap and get on board.
I asked my aunt who is presently lost 100+ pounds, what jump started her weight loss. My aunt and I have always fought the battle of weight. She is the one got me in my first 12 step program for food. Which I agreed to because she wouldn’t give me anymore money for weight watchers.
She said her son was waiting for a call that she died. I thought oh damn that is deep. She was crying when she told me this. I said I am sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry. She got herself together and started making a change in her life. She said you feel so much better when you eat right. She is right you really do. I remember those feelings. I don’t have them at this moment, but I do remember them. I called my old roommate to come over. I am donating all my bad food to their house. I just can’t bring myself to throw food in the trash!! That is my grandmother in me about wasting food. My grandmother was also very overweight.
I need to do better for me and my child. I want to be the good me. Not the fat miserable me. So I need to make this change not just for the pregnancy but for my life.
A lot has gone on, and I feel like I have been neglecting my blog. I told my boss that I was pregnant. I was in a closed-door meeting with the one other employee who knows I am pregnant with my boss. I was nervous, scared and at a loss how to do this. So I thought if she was there with me it would help my confidence. She didn’t know I was going to announce it. She was just what I needed by my side. My boss was in straight shock. He asked me if I was coming back. I froze on how to answer that question. I am the worst in how to answer things properly in jobs not to screw yourself. I tend to talk too much and tell to much. Which of course I did. Then I ask everyone who will listen to tell me if I messed up.
The point is I can’t take the words back so I am going to have to suck up the consequences. I told him I didn’t want to announce it to the whole company until next month. When I make five month officially. He was cool with that and told the president and the VP. So now four people at my company no I pregnant. Only one knows under what circumstances. I am choosing not to answer those kind of questions at all. I did tell my boss I will be a single parent. He said okay, and didn’t ask any more question. When I originally announced it, I felt he thought I was about to get married and be a stay at home mom. That is far from the case.
I cancelled an appointment with my therapist. I reschedule for next week. I work up at 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I knew I couldn’t take driving to her office in traffic being so out of it. I have a few things to discuss. When I go she makes me feel at ease. She told me I was one of her patients she didn’t worry about.
I haven’t felt totally right since I started my third week of pregnancy. I am always nauseous. My pants are starting to get tight. I am going to head to Target today to find the Belly Band!! I am hoping it will help these pants last for a while!!!!
I feel like death warmed over. My work day has been beyond busy. I ate lunch working. I took a ten minute break for myself and I am ready to curl up in my bed. I am not the glowing happy pregnant person. I am also having these pains. My cousin said it is my fibroid. I am not sure what it is, but I am concerned. I am going to bring it up during my next appointment. I still haven’t informed my job of the baby coming. I don’t know how many more weeks I can hold out. My stomach is starting to poke out.
Good news I did great on the harmony test. Low risk for all chromosomal issues. They also told me it was girl. I screamed on the phone. I wanted a girl. My mom said wow all your prayers are being answered. I am thrilled. I just want to feel better!!!
I been in Ga for 13 years. I never go home for the holidays for several reason. A little more than half of those years I spent Thanksgiving at a friend’s house. This year the plans fell through. I was more disappointed than usual. I usually don’t care if I do anything on the holidays. I am not the holiday type person. Every since my grandmother died when I was 18, I haven’t care much about it. I asked my friend is it because I am pregnant. She said yes it is because you are pregnant. I missed my mom and my family and wished I was going to my god mothers with my mother and aunt. I will be home next year.
This weekend I spent a lot of time in the bed. This might be TMI so you can skip if you like. I was having some burning in the lower area. I ended up at urgent care. I couldn’t take it and my OBGYN wouldn’t have an appointment until Monday. Come to find out I was dehydrated and my urine was making me burn. When the doctor told me that I looked at him like WTF, I never heard of that crap. Come to find out he was right. I took some cranberry pills and drank a lot of water and it went away. Thank you Jesus, because that crap was no joke. Then I had this crazy two-day headache. Also for being dehydrated.
I was having a hard time lugging the water bottles up three flights of stairs. I do drink a lot of water at work. With the extended vacation that wasn’t happening. I went to Walmart and got a Britta water filter pitcher. I am peeing all the time, but up on the water intake. I had a long talk with an old friend. She is so excited for me to come home. I am looking forward to reconnecting and also finding new friends.
I tried on my work pants on Sunday. They still fit no maternity pants yet. Yeppie, I did a dance in the middle of the floor. The gap did have a sale and I got the 64.00 maternity tall pants I been eyeing for half off. I have to say that was a great day. I also had to return some Wal-Mart maternity shirts that were too tight. What I noticed was the material was very cheap. I been wearing sweaters I got from the thrift shop. My co-worker said I don’t look pregnant yet. I am almost four months in a couple of weeks. I am feeling better, but every time I say that out loud I start feeling bad.
Another friend wants to do my babies shower. I told her my other friends would help with the food. She said no it will be her present to me. I was shocked that she would go out of her way like that. It is nice to be liked and loved!!! She put a smile on my face that day. I still want her to share the expense. I am old-school. Have a few friends bring some food and call it a day. She was adamant she didn’t want help with the food. Someone could bring the cake. Another friend volunteered to do that. I told her it doesn’t have to be anything special a sheet cake would be fine. I heard another NO!! I can get you a baby shower cake. All these people extending their kindness. Tells me I need to appreciate the people in my life and realize I have real friends. They are priceless!!!