I just left my OBGYN appointment. I have gained 12 pounds in these four months. Not good at all. I wanted to tell her my weight issues have been going on since childhood. 12 pound isn’t shit to what I can pack on. I feel so bad. I know I been making a lot of bad food choices. It was so easy to do. I restricted myself for years and went hog-wild. She told me what to eat, which was so amusing to me. Not her telling me a diet. The diet was so close to when I was a size 8-10 and not my size 16. I need to stop the crap and get on board.
I asked my aunt who is presently lost 100+ pounds, what jump started her weight loss. My aunt and I have always fought the battle of weight. She is the one got me in my first 12 step program for food. Which I agreed to because she wouldn’t give me anymore money for weight watchers.
She said her son was waiting for a call that she died. I thought oh damn that is deep. She was crying when she told me this. I said I am sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry. She got herself together and started making a change in her life. She said you feel so much better when you eat right. She is right you really do. I remember those feelings. I don’t have them at this moment, but I do remember them. I called my old roommate to come over. I am donating all my bad food to their house. I just can’t bring myself to throw food in the trash!! That is my grandmother in me about wasting food. My grandmother was also very overweight.
I need to do better for me and my child. I want to be the good me. Not the fat miserable me. So I need to make this change not just for the pregnancy but for my life.