Anxiety!!

Why when I mention to anyone I have Anxiety they think they can fix it with logic. I know they mean well, but it doesn’t work that way. I have worries that turn into anxiety. Anxiety is not rational and can’t be cured with rationals. My parents feel if they tell me to stop it enough it will go away. My therapist understood where I was coming from. I asked her if I could discontinue our relationship. She said I was doing well and she wouldn’t worry about me if we did end therapy. But she thought it would be best for me to get over my anxiety first. I agreed, so that is what we will be working on. She gave me homework. I will start working on it tonight.

I am getting bigger and have quite a few request for baby bump pictures. I am going to work on taking some soon. I am not a fan of getting fat. Okay I know I am pregnant not fat. I feel fat!!! If I sit to long my bones feel stiff and I have to walk around my office every now and then. Getting out of bed in the morning has turned into a new type of torture. I am so damn tired and want to sleep and sleep.

I will get to sleep on Sunday. On Saturday I am going to my first consignment sale. Yes, I don’t mind buying used. Some friends have given me grief about buying used. Clearly we are not on the same page. Also if they want to spend their money that is fine. I don’t like being looked down on, how I spend my money. My friend offered me her crib. I was thrilled. I was going to have my father buy a crib. He is off the hook for that. I will have to move it to Boston, which I will have to suck up. I don’t know how much it will cost to move, but we will see. Especially hiring movers.

My mom is going to paint my room and the baby room. She is going to get it professional done. Which shocked the hell out of me. My mother acts like she is a world-class painter. She gets paint every where. But what can you say it is her house. I appreciate she is doing this for me. Now my lazy ass have to get to a Home Depot or Lowes to pick out some colors. Did I tell you my motivation to do anything is totally shot. My house is a disgusting mess. To make it worse I don’t care!!!! I wish I did care. I am completely tired all the time and can just wash some dishes and barely make my bed. I told my aunt I have to be motivated to wash clothes. She gave me shit about that statement. I told her whatever, I meant what I said. I have to be MOTIVATED to wash clothes.

My fear and anxiety of the unknown is harsh. Most of it having to deal with money and logistics of what my life will be. The big changes and how will I deal. I know I am smarter and wiser since I left Boston the first time. I am praying it is going to be easy to be employed.

I know I say this all the time, but if some money hit my way 80% -90% of my anxiety would be gone. Hey a girl can dream. I haven’t allowed my father to tell his sister. His family is all over Facebook and I don’t want my pregnancy posted there. I had one friend tell me she wanted to tell everyone. She is proud of me. I appreciate she is proud but it isn’t her business to tell. I am a very private person to people I don’t consider personal friends. If you are a person friend I will tell you every damn thing. Random people I don’t know or what I wouldn’t consider a personal friend knows nothing about me.

Plus family that really hasn’t included me in their life I am not in a rush to tell. They can find out when the baby is born with all finger and toes.

I am excited about the consignment sale I am going to rack up hopefully. I am going to a consignment store today after work. My friend told me they have buy one get one free. Work is dragging, and I am trying to stay motivated. I wish there was a motivation pill. I would totally invest!!!

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One thought on “Anxiety!!

  1. I know what you mean about the anxiety – it isn’t easy to “fix”! Having a baby and moving are big life changes. I’m curious about your homework ’cause I tend to feel strong anxiety sometimes, too.
    Cool about your mom painting the room. I’m wondering if you got a good haul at the consignment sale today? I hope so!
    Yes, continue the mantra “I’m gaining weight because I’m growing a healthy baby inside me!” 🙂

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