I feel like I could sleep for 100 years. I am beyond tired. I am not falling asleep early anymore. I use to be asleep by 8pm. Now my body won’t let that happen. I am asleep by 10pm. Some night I sleep through with several bathroom breaks. Other nights I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep for hours. It is so random when any of this happen. The consistent part is of the deal is it doesn’t matter how much sleep I get. I feel like I am going to pass out every day from being tired.
I also decided my child drains every bit of hydration from my body. My lips are dry. My skin is dry. It doesn’t matter how much water I drink. I am so tired doing my hair is not an option. I spray water on it and brush into a pony tail. Which the hair with in this pony tail has not been combed or brushed in weeks. It is a knotted mess. When ever I do get to it with a comb I am sure I am going to have to cut out the knots. The funny part is I could careless. If I have to shave my head and start over again. OH WELL!! I don’t have the time or energy to touch it other than water and pony tail. I know I am not the first person to have a baby. How the hell do they do this with other small kids.
I was watching a YouTube video and this guy who just had twins was discussing all the issues. They also have another child that looks about 2 1/2. So said a shout out to all the people who have twins and all the single mothers. He had a lot of respect, because with him his wife family and friends they were struggling.
I have come to the conclusion people do what they have to do. I know there will be times I want to pull my hair out and scream. Like this morning when it was time to wake up for work. I felt like I hadn’t slept in ten years.
I am getting sick of my mother’s comments sometimes. When I complain, she says you wanted a baby. I know that, but I still can complain. She drives me crazy with that comment. I remind her, You wanted a grandchild. She doesn’t seem to remember years ago when all her friends had grandchildren. She wanted one also. She told me go get pregnant by someone and come home and we can raise it. Yeah that is how bad she wanted to be in the grandmother club. With me being her only child she was going to pimp me to get it done for her.
Yes I want this baby with all my heart. But no this was not plan A. A co-worker asked me today if I was nervous about being a single mother. I have much respect for this person. She hasn’t asked me any questions about the daddy. It was clear I was doing it by myself and she left it like that. I told her I am not worried about being a single mother. I was worried I would never get the chance of being a mother at all!!!!