Old Friend and Crushes!!

How do I have a friend for 10 years that I have met one time. I met him at a club ten years ago. Anyone who knows me in a social arena, knows I can talk to anyone. Especially when my confidence is high. Which usually corresponds to how fat or thin I am.

My cousin and I went to a club. When I say we had fun, that was an understatement. We danced all night long with a barrage of good-looking guys. When we were about to leave I see this very handsome body builder type guy in the lobby with a frown on his face. I take this opportunity to speak. I said you are not having a good time. We get into a conversation. He said I touched his butt. I don’t remember doing that, but I will admit it wouldn’t have been out of my character. He was visiting from NC. He attempted to set up a one night stand. I didn’t go for it. We did exchange numbers and talked on and off ever since.

He did a lot of contracting for companies outside of the U.S. So we stay in touch emails, Facebook, and when he is in the U.S. the phone.  I have sent him a few care packages over the years. We were on the phone to almost 1am last night. I know this doesn’t make sense with my complaining about being tired every day. Which that problem has not gone away. I almost didn’t make it work this morning. But I was having such a great conversation with him. Years ago I thought could we ever be an item. My answer now is no. Our friendship is great and that is good enough for me.

I also talked to a guy friend from college yesterday. Now this guy I had a major crush on. Nothing happened between us. He was not interested in me at all. I was put off because he slept with everyone at school. Me he had no interest in me. I was hurt. Granted I didn’t want to be a booty call. But damn what am I Godzilla. We slept in the same bed one night. A twin size college dorm bed. It was like sleeping with my brother. Nothing at all happened.

Years later I got up the courage to ask him what was up with that. He told me he thought of those women as just a piece of ass. He had more respect for me to treat me that way. That put a major smile on my face. We have stay in touch on and off since 1997. I do remember this girl he was sleeping with, didn’t like me. She had nothing to worry about. He treated me totally like a little sister. But when I came to his dorm she said something off to me. He jumped in and immediately told her, you will not talk to her that way. I know he cares for me in a friend/family type of way. I am totally over that crush.

I still have to admit my high school crush is still alive. I doubt I will ever have the chance to do anything about it. He is in Boston with four kids. He hit me up on Facebook a few years back. My heart fluttered like it did when my locker was across from his in the high school hall way.

I actually had a lot of crushes in my Boston years. I was fat with low self-esteem. So I wouldn’t do anything about them. When I moved to Atlanta 100 pounds lighter I took this city by storm. If I found a handsome or sexy man I would not hold back. I met my first boyfriend when I was here three months on the train. I looked at this man and had an instant attraction. I told myself he will be mine!!. Long story short he ended up being mine. Until I kicked him out. I miss that type of confidence. I was over the top with it back in the day. When I wasn’t successful I would instantly tell myself his loss and move on.

I do have a fetish. Not the only thing I date, but when I find it I am so turned on. A black man with different color eyes. Not the standard brown. I have dated all kinds of men, but it is something exotic about a black man with eyes that can look through you. I have dated black men with Blue, Green, Hazel eyes.  That fetish started when I was 16 and fat and I had crush on this guy I met on the church van. No I didn’t go to church, but my aunt was a member of this church. They had events for teenagers on Friday night. You drop your teen off. They take them somewhere. Movies, bowling etc and then they drop the kids at home. I was head over heels for this your black guy with hazel eyes. He didn’t look at my big butt once. How about he is my Facebook friend and married now. But I have dated men that look ten times better than him living in GA. I really feel I was trying to prove something when I got here. I am not a mud duck. I can have attractive men I wanted. Attractive men want me. Now I just want an average guy who treats me well. He does not have to be overly attractive. I am totally out of that phase.

Granted when will I date again. I have no idea. I need to focus on having this baby and getting my life together in a new state!!! Then once the dust settles dating will be on the agenda!!!!


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