Shitty Diapers!!

My daughter is high maintenance. She will not shit in a wet diaper. I put on a clean diaper, two seconds the shit starts coming out.  I tend to go through many diapers at one time. She will be two weeks at 10pm this evening. I am still trying to get use to the title of mother.

I know I said I wouldn’t do this again. But I look at her and think I want another one. She is so amazing to me. I stare at her when she sleeps. I talked so much shit about her sleeping in the bed with me. Where has she been. Yep, in my bed. Eventually when she hits six months, I want to transition her into her own room.

I am trying to get my mother to paint the room I will be in and Ava will be in before I get there. Why does it seem like it could take an act of congress to make this happen. How hard is it to put paint on the wall.

The changes in my life are coming quickly. In a month and a half I will be own my way to Boston.  I know people love Boston. I miss my family but I really don’t miss the city at all. I have been spoiled in Atlanta. With central air and heat. Lower utility bills.

My family is so happy with my return home. I am going to try to make the best of it. I love my daughter, but I can’t wait to get my body back and have some male attention. I have been so consumed with being a mother for over two years.  Now I need to work on my personal life. I am sure that isn’t going to happen for a good six months. I need to decided how I am going to work on this weight problem. Also finding a job and being a good mother. Who will be my baby sitters. At this moment it is my mother, her twin sister and my father. My father is a maybe. We will see how he acts when I get there.

He finally got her pictures in the mail. He wants to go to the mall and put it on a tee-shirt. He is such a proud grandpa. He has a lot of step grandchildren. I can tell this is totally different.  He can’t wait to brag to his friends about Ava. It makes me smile that they are so happy about her.

I know I don’t want her to be an only child. But unless I am married  I don’t see doing this again. But I always have the right to change my mind!!!


Walking Fail!

I took out the trash and decided I was going to take a walk today. My mother asked me if I was going to the park. Thank god I didn’t. I walked around my apartment once and thought I was dying. It is 80 degrees. Plus my stitches were feeling strained. My body seemed so not ready for this. I am going to try to walk around once a day. Until I can go twice. My daughter slept the whole time. Clearly my physical problems didn’t bother her sleep.


Being a Single Sucks!!!

20140528_160326I got an estimate for my cross-country move. $3,600 I was not happy about the amount. My father thinks I should get rid of my stuff. It is my stuff. I am not a hoarder, and I want my stuff.  The summer is peak time for moving. Also it is an 18 hour drive. Plus they need to move it down three flights and up two flights.

I have financial insecurity. I always have been worried about my finances. I have been fiscally responsible most of my life.

There are not a lot of men in my family. To enlist them to move my crap. I only have my 70-year-old father. I don’t want him to be involved in this move production. If he was a lot younger I would have pushed for his help. I remember I had to move and my ex moved all the furniture his self. I would love a man by my side that could handle it like that.

Or it would be nice for someone else to put their input into the best way to handle this. I have to say I am always afraid to make a mistake. I talked to a friend and she had a good point. So what if I make a mistake. What would be the worst thing that could happen. I am my own worst critic. I need to stop being so hard on myself. My mother is coming June 14-29.  I am going to do the most of the packing when she gets here. Those two weeks will be getting things together time. It seems like I was so close to getting out of debt. I feel like I am getting right back into it.

Would I replace debt for my child. Hell no!! I really need to think about that when I try to complain.

I went to my apartment complex and found out I had some boxes. The old management sucked and these boxes looked like they been sitting there forever. A friend sent me a baby shower gift. I texted her to thank her. She thought I had the box a long time ago. I told her I sent thank you cards to everyone who had my back. Not because of gift. The encouragement from good friends helped me to get Ava.

Miss Ava wanted more body contact to get to sleep today. I was trying to make her bottles and sandwich for myself. I was starving. It took a minutes to continue that process and get her to calm down and go to sleep.20140528_165453

I have some great friends. During this whole process I have been feeling so loved. Plus my Ava was so worth everything I did. I was very resentful of all the money I paid to the fertility clinic to not have a baby in the end. 7K on a credit card. If I didn’t do that, I know I would have second guessed myself in the route I did take.

Diaper Changing Face!!!

20140527_123959My baby has a crazy diaper changing face. She rather stay wet or shitty then have her diaper changed. It is clearly some new kind of torture for her to get her butt cleaned. I have to turn my heart to stone and clean my daughters ass even thought she gives me this face.

Today we went on an adventure. We paid our rent and went to the Post office. I also went to two stores. I couldn’t help it. I had the car seat canopy on her the whole time. 40649905

I have to say I enjoyed getting out the house. She didn’t have a melt down until we got home. I was going to buy a lottery ticket. But I passed on that. I did buy on yesterday. I haven’t checked anything. If some money came into my life. I would be a stay at home mom at least for six month. I can dream. We are really bonding. She is asleep next to me. With her milk drunk face. I am trying to work on entertaining her and not just putting a bottle in her month. Not every cry means she is hungry. I have a learning curve but I am trying my best!!!

Up late!!

20140527_010200My daughter is asleep all day long. Then in the middle of the night her eyes are wide open ready to party. I am learning to get with the program of a newborn.

We went to Smoothie King today. My friends came over and instead of them taking out the trash. I wanted to take out the trash myself and get the mail. I know it sounds crazy, I needed to get out of the damn house. Cabin fever is caving in on me. I know it hasn’t been two weeks since I pushed her out. I have been told several times I need to rest.

Being so independent, I already miss going out when I want to. I don’t mind having my daughter in tow. I was told by the pediatrician that I can take her to restaurants and not shopping centers. I wanted cookies today. I ended up sucking it up due to my daughter only being a week and a few days old. I couldn’t let my craving put my daughter in a non healthy situation.

I talked to friends and they said they took their kids to stores early on. They said they covered the car seat so no one could breath on the baby. She is presently sleeping in my lap. I know body contact calms her down. But I don’t want a co sleeping situation. It works for now because it is easier on some level. She did sleep in her bassinet this afternoon. So I am making some progress.

My mother said I sound better. I didn’t realize I was sounding bad. Everyone is watching out for depression. I understand but I don’t think I am depressed. I think I miss interaction. I am going to put the stroller in the trunk of my car. Then we are going to start walking around the apartment complex. I need to get this body under control soon. All I have to report for tonight.  Ava and I are going to try to call it a night!!


I have never had to deal with a newborn before. I have to say my daughter is giving me a run for my money. This sleep all day and want to party all night killed me for the first few days.

Also I have been doing my grocery shopping. She has had a few babysitters while I went to the store.  I like doing my own grocery shopping. My old roommates have been so good to me. I have no idea how to repay them for friendship.  I have had a lot of visitors. Which is cool. The doctor told me to stay my ass in the house for another week. I kind of listened. I had a friend watch her on Friday so I could really shop for my house. I have been in the house for days and I really starting to get cabin fever.

I went to the doctors on Friday to check my blood pressure. It was still high. They put me on blood pressure medicine. They hope it will all clear up in a week. Thank you it had a diuretic component because I finally started to pee out this fluid. My feet looked like Fred Flintstones feet. I couldn’t put a sock on my foot. My flip-flop was tight. My feet are getting back to normal finally. My stomach is going down, but nowhere near where it was. I need to go into my boxes and find my pre-pregnancy clothes.

I am totally in love with Ava. My family in Boston are beside themselves and call to ask what she is doing every minute. Which is usually sleeping or screaming when I am changing her diaper. My mother will be here in a few weeks. Her coming three weeks early my aunt thinks is a great thing because we could bond before my mother gets here.

With my mother here I will have more freedom to come and go and get things done. I am praying when I get that estimate for the moving men that it is a reasonable price. Who knew the summer was prime time when the price goes up. I want to get to Boston smoothly with as less stress as possible.

Everyone who has come to visit says I have a lot of stuff. I don’t think I do. Shit I had my own house. My father said I should get rid of my stuff to lighten the loud. It is my stuff and I want it. It means something to me. I am almost 40 years old. How would it look for me to have no stuff.  When I moved down here 15 years ago. I had clothes, books, and a 19 inch TV. Things have really changed.


Labor and Delivery Story

{7707b807-7957-4b9a-933a-d5bc77f15760}_7Ava is here. With a lot of drama and pain she made an appearance into to the world 5/16/14. It all began the week before. Where my blood pressure was going up. The fetal medicine doctor said I would be induced and it depends on how I  did on the urine test.

I took the test OBGYN and the fetal medicine doctor couldn’t get through to OBGYN. Yes, the day I needed to know major information their phone systems were down. I was so paranoid I called the office all day over and over. I was a stalker. I couldn’t take it anymore. I left work early to go to that office and find out my results. When I got there the nurse informed me my test had not come in yet. She told me she would call me before noon tomorrow.

I went to work the next day. The day went on as usual. I went to get a sandwich. On the way home I got a restricted call when I answered it the nurse was on the other end. She said I failed the urine test and I need to go to labor and delivery now.

I was in total shock. I asked her can I come in two hours. She said sure. I walked into my office and told them I was on my way to labor and delivery. They were all excited. I went home took a shower and ate my sandwich. Then one of my old roommates came over and we went to the hospital together. It worked out perfectly. She not working but in school. She didn’t start her summer session until next week and she was out this week.

We made it to labor and delivery and the journey began. They admitted me and said it would take two days to induce me. My birth team which are my two old roommates. I am indebted to for life. They both tag team for me not to be alone in the hospital. One was there through the whole entire birth. I love them to death.

On day three they said you will be having a baby today.  I was only one centimeter. They gave me pitocin and when I reached two then they let me have an epidural. I was feeling no pain. It progressed quickly. In two hours the epidural stopped working. I cried and screamed in pain. I begged for help and told my friend to go ask the nurses for help. There was an emergency c-section going on at the same time. I was forced to wait in pain.
He finally came back and put the epidural in again.  I was once again feeling no pain. I jumped from 2 centimeters to 5 centimeters quickly. Two more hours I was 9 1/2. I began pushing and could feel pressure. I couldn’t figure out how to push correctly but was making the best effort I could. In my last hour of pushing the epidural went out again and I felt like I was being ripped open. I didn’t realize when a flood of people came in the room.

It was no longer the midwife running the show. The OBGYN took over. She completely took over. She started ordering me around to get me under control. I was screaming at the time and just wanted it to be over. Ava came out with the cord wrapped around her twice. I didn’t hear her cry which made me very nervous. I ordered my friend to check on the baby. I finally heard her cry and felt relief. I then heard the doctor say she is losing too much blood. I am thinking who is she talking about. Clearly it was me. They said they might have to do a blood transfusion in the morning.

I finally got to hold my Ava. I missed so much that happened at this point. Thank god my friends got a lot of pictures and her on video. She is officially a week old. I had a horrible experience in the hospital I was in. That is another story that I will let you in on later. Right now I have been taking care of my daughter and trying to figure out the most cost affective way to move back to Boston.



Birth Day coming!!!

I went to the specialist today. Looks like I might be induced next week. If she doesn’t come first on her own. My blood pressure is steadily going up.

She stated this will be the recommendation to the OBGYN. Which for some reason is having phone issues today. You can’t get through. When I want some answer the phone doesn’t work. Talk about trying to be patient. I been calling every hour to see if they fixed it. I know I am being compulsive. I need to know what happened with that urine test. The specialist wants them to give them that answer. That is going to push what the recommendation will be.

I am over stressing. I am so ready to give birth. Not really ready for the birth part actually. Oh did I mention they said my baby is about 7 pounds which is the 69 percentile. So They backtracked on me having a  big  baby. Now I need to re-pack my hospital bag with baby clothes for a smaller baby.

I am actually glad to be induced. It can be planned with my friends that are supposed to be there. Instead of a surprise. Granted she could come at any time now.

I am leaving it all in GODS hands!!

A lot going on today!!

I just had lunch and a lot has happened. First I got in an argument with my mother. I think mother’s have the ability to make anyone emotional. Plus almost 37 weeks pregnant didn’t help. I was looking at Facebook yesterday (Mother’s Day). I have had radio silence concerning my pregnancy on Facebook. A high school acquaintance seems to have done the exact same thing. The last time I talked to her was over a year ago. Well I guess she had a child. The caption was enjoying a meal with my husband and newborn son.

I am happy for her. I know she was having an issue getting pregnant. But I felt a little sad for myself. I want a husband to share all this with. Not my reality, but I have a right to have feelings about that.

Well my mom calls me this morning. What’s wrong she asked. I told her and she immediately state you just can’t be happy. Also a dig about being ungrateful. Can I say I had a major melt down. She hung up on me. Which is how my family works. They don’t hear something they like the phone goes dead. I called her back of course. After I go off she hangs up again. Then I text her that she can be so mean. Okay some time passes she calls back and said she wants me to have a good day. Of course I take this opportunity to say you are not the only one to have feelings. Being that my mother and my aunt want you to be their for there emotional melt downs. I would not dare say anything insensitive because they will bring on the drama and hurt feelings very quickly. We didn’t hang up on each other but the conversation ended very cold.

I was upset and had tears in my eyes. I went to drop off my pee and get blood taken. After I left the doctor’s office, my mother called again and gave me a sincere apology. I should be able to talk to her about anything and she is sorry. I got upset because I love my baby that is growing inside of me. I am grateful she is on the way and I pray everything goes smoothly.

It doesn’t negate the fact that was not my plan. I wanted a husband then a child or children. It didn’t work that way and I have to be a big girl and deal with that. But damn can I have feelings about that. Shit I am human!!!

On another annoying note. I called the property manager to my apartment complex about increasing the rent. She clearly was lost in the sauce. She stated I haven’t paid the increase rent rate from month to month. I stated I been paying 100 buck extra since March. Oh yeah she says I see it. Yeah my checking account saw it also.

She then said you only have to give us 30 days. She said it in a tone like that applied to her. I told her the statue states you have to give me 60 days, I only have to give you 30.

A landlord who has a tenant-at-will must give a sixty (60) day notice to the tenant before seeking to terminate the agreement or change any term of the original agreement. This means the landlord must give a tenant-at-will sixty (60) days notice before imposing a rent increase or requesting that the tenant move. A tenant-at-will must give a thirty (30) day notice to the landlord to terminate or change the original agreement. To protect your legal rights any and all notices should be in writing.

So now I am waiting for her to get back to me. 30 dollars is not going to kill me. But they are not going to extort money from me illegally.

36 Weeks 4 days

I have cleaned the whole house. It is organized now. Maybe my baby will be here shortly. I think I am nesting. I am praying she will be coming soon. When I say I am sick of being pregnant. I know all women feel that way. I know I wanted twins at one point. I must have been smoking crack. I am glad I have only one in my belly.

I feel her every day which is reassuring that she is okay. Even thought I am totally sick of being pregnant. I don’t want to do anything that will harm my baby!!!. I have received a lot more baby clothes which I am great full. It is great having friends who care about you.

My rent went up. I am a month to month. Since I have no idea when I will move to Boston. I didn’t want to sign another lease and deal with that drama. Well a new corporation has bought my apartment complex. I already agreed to pay 100 buck extra to not sign a lease with the old apartment owners. They leave a note on my door on 5/9/14 asking me to sign another lease or pay an additional 30 bucks for month to month on 6-1-14.

I swear everything is getting more expensive. My aunt told me they have to at least give me 30 days notice. I then talked to my lawyer friend. She told me to look up the statute. I did and in Georgia I found out they have to give me 60 days notice. I went to the leasing office and there was only a leasing agent. I told her the situation and she stated the property manager will have to work something out with me.  I will call her tomorrow. She said I should drop by. I don’t have time for that. I have to see my physical therapist for my carpel tunnel. I don’t know if I will be back in time. I told my friend who also lives in the complex. She is also month to month.

They will probably end up screwing all the people who do not know the law. I have to say I am glad I have people in my life that keeps that from happening to me!!!