I want my mommy!!

My mother left today. I miss her already. Ava cried for 40 minutes tonight. I don’t want to continue changing her formula. I am going to use what I have and then try something else. I am not sure if it is colic of gas. It been happening a lot. My mother felt the Gasease formula was leaving her hungry. I know I heard the neighbors downstairs beat on the ceiling when she wouldn’t stop crying.

I am waiting for her to fall asleep so I can take a shower.

I am officially fertile again. I got my period today. When they said I could get pregnant at any time. I see there point when I got my period. I don’t know how anyone could have a newborn baby and turn up pregnant again. I had a bad pregnancy and not sure I want to go through that again.  I found out I possible could collect unemployment. That would be right up my alley. It is worth a shot.

My baby tested my patient tonight. I tried everything and had to keep my mind at peace and keep trying. It was hard but I did it.

My cousin might be getting fired. So I guess no worries about driving to Boston. I told her we can leave earlier if she wants. We will see. I am ready to get this party started. I have a lot to do in Boston when I get there.


Feeling overwhelmed!!

It is coming down to the wire to move. My mother is here until tomorrow. My daughter and her have bonded. I have to say I was a little jealous. She could get her not to cry. Ava was cozy up in her arms. All I was thinking was you don’t like mommy anymore. She has been having gas issues. I thought it was the formula.

She would clench up cry like the pain was killing her. Then finally let out a big burp and be alright. I feel so bad when she is in pain. I have gotten some gripe water and gas drops. I am not sure if it is helping yet. My mother has me on task of packing. She is a bit of a control freak and gave me twenty minutes until I have to finish packing the kitchen. It is a little annoying but understood. I am a major procrastinator. I realized I am a mini hoarder. I have a bunch of boxes of crap. I also feel some kind of way of letting them go. When I get back to Boston I am going to work on being  a minimalist. I damn sure have a bunch of clothes in size 8-10 that my size 18 behind can not fit right now.

From the stress of a packing and moving.


2) Taking care of a newborn

3) Living with my cousin for a week

4)quitting my job

5)My cousin has a new job and has to find someone to cover her before we can leave. I am depending on her. She has never let me down. My mother and I are nervous she could back out. Not that she is saying that. I already spent 200 hundred on her plane ticket back to Georgia. I need to let go and let god. It doesn’t help that my mother keeps questioning me if she is going to make it or not.

6)Getting Ava to her last Doctors appointment

It is coming down to the wire and I need to get my act together. After Ava doctors appointment I am free and clear to leave the state. I have scratch tickets sitting on my night stand. This is time to turn my frown upside down.


Formula Change

Ava freaked out for twenty minutes. Screaming to the highest pitch. With her body clenched and nothing could console her. I didn’t know what to do. My mother got her quite for a few minutes. Then I was clueless to the problem. Then she let out a big burp and all was good in the world.

She went to sleep with ease. I decided it is time to change formula. I went to parents choice gentle ease. For gassy and fussy babies. I had the receipt for the powdered formula. The ready to feed I couldn’t find the receipt.  The woman at customer service at Walmart didn’t know if she could return it. One can was open. I told her you can return food you can return formula. The manager had me waiting forever and said no problem for the exchange. The ready to feed she couldn’t do because of WIC. I said excuse me. She explained I need to show how I paid for it because they can’t exchange anything purchased with WIC. I was a little bit pissed. I don’t qualify for any service at present and can’t return formula. I know it is my fault because I am so bad about keeping receipts.

So I dumped the old formula and made all new bottles with the new. She hasn’t had it yet. So here is to less gas and a happy baby. An unhappy baby makes for a stressed out Mom.

Things are flowing!!

Well after my mother and I had the argument things have been decent. I am glad we had it out. We cleared the air after and decided to talk about things. Which is different then how we use to deal with things.

Ava gave her a run for her money and was screaming her head off when I called. She wanted her mommy.

We went to her one months doctor’s appointment. She is 10 pounds 5 ounces, 22 inches long and 15 inch head circumference. I asked for the percentile

Height 75%

Head   83%

Weight 67%

The doctor said she is going to be tall and thin. Clearly she has a big head lol. Which both my known donor and I have big heads. My baby has gas. We haven’t been burping her enough. I been giving her gripe water once a day. The doctor told me to give it to her three times a day. I am trying to stay up on my blog. I actually have her laying across my lap in front of the laptop.

I had my six-week appointment and the doctor took out one stitch that was left over. Then she said you can use your vagina now. I broke out laughing.

My aunt bought the paint for my room and the back room. The back room was supposed to be Ava’s room. My mother decided she is going to take that room. To put a bigger distance between our rooms for more privacy. Which is actually what I wanted to happen in the first place. She initially disagreed with taking the backroom. After our argument she actually suggested it. So god works in mysterious ways.

Crazy day!!

In leaving my house there was a letter tapped to my door. It was a full paged typed. Guess from who? My crazy neighbor from downstairs. The one who said I was walking to hard. Oh yes now she decided to write me a letter telling me about myself. She actually gave me a time to not walk around my apartment. I am thinking is this woman on crack. She also said when I moved in I woke her up. She clearly got the wrong person because I been here for a year and half. I didn’t just move in. She noted she didn’t have a problem with the past tenant. Did I mention my walking scares her cats. Her cats are like her children and she doesn’t want them scared any hiding in the closet because of me.

Now I am looking forward to getting out of this apartment. This crazy woman down stairs is pissing me off. I went to the leasing agent. She basically told me to ignore it. I can talk to the property manager on Monday. I am not totally looking forward to going to Boston, but getting out of here is looking better and better.

In the good news category I have my first day eating right. I rejoined my food program and I made it through one day. Did I mention I was eating a box of chocolate chip cookies every other day. Now I am detoxify from sugar and it is hard as hell. My mother said she heard detoxify from sugar is worse than cocaine. Not sure about that, but I have to say I really want some cookies. I desire that size 8 more than the cookies but it is hard. In the 20 pounds I lost after birth. I gained back 10. Yep I have been messing up and I had to do something about it. Here is to me getting my body back to right.

Making Progress!!

I have done a lot with my mother here. First I can get up and go to the store at will. Which is beyond great. I put in my notice for my apartment. I ran a bunch of errands. I sat at the mechanics for several hours to get my breaks done and alignment. I did a little packing today. Tomorrow I don’t have much to do. So major packing to be done.

I am going to the consignment store to try to sell some of the stuff Ava didn’t really use. Why move this stuff. I am going to see what they will give me for it. If nothing they aren’t going to give me anything it is going straight to goodwill. I am going to do my best to keep the receipt. I swear I am horrible at that when tax time shows up.

So my mother is over being Nana when I walk in the door. I think I am going to have to get use to that. I can’t have 24 hour help. It is not that I want to pawn my daughter off. I have a lot to do in a short amount of time. Clean, sterilizing and making bottles every day is a big challenge. I am going to have to do something I am very bad at. Work on my time management.

My father says I keep projecting and I need to focus on one day at a time. Which is true, it is very hard to do. But I am trying!!!

Life problems!!

I knew it, I knew it. My mom is driving me a little crazy. She is very demanding. Also forgetful in her old age.

The part to make this all worth it. She is so in love with Ava. She spends hours staring at her. Usually when she is sleep.

I re joined my weight loss group. I really can’t commit like I need to until I am in Boston. When I have a regular babysitter. Presently my mom is here and I can go to the meetings. I been sleeping pretty late. I haven’t gotten much packing done. I am going to start getting on the ball tomorrow.

When I came home there was another letter on the door. I was waiting to read about more heavy walking. No it gets better. We might not have water on and off for the next three days. Could they have given me any shorter notice.  I am not looking forward to going to Boston. I am looking forward to getting out of this apartment.


Sleep for ALL!!

My mother, Ava and I went to sleep for hours. My mother had a chance to have Ava by herself. She did a good job. Diaper was on correctly, she figured out the bottle warmer.  Baby was in her arms when I made it back to the house. My friend and I went shopping for me. I didn’t have much success.

I am a size 18. Wow I haven’t been that size in many years. I need to dial it back and get back to where I need to be. I am feeling like a fat blob. I don’t have to many outfits that fit at all. I need enough work clothes while working on this weight issue.

The baby is on my lap sleep. She is spoiled already. I am not sure you can spoil a newborn. Everyone has different opinions. A lot needs to be done in my world. I will hopefully get a lot done tomorrow.

Ava meets Nana

My mother came today. My cousin picked her up from the airport. Then there was a 45 min drive to get to me. My mom was very nervous with Ava. She was very awkward holding her. I wanted to laugh so hard. She kept saying wait a min, wait a min.

Clearly she had a long trip. She also stayed up all night cleaning the house. If my aunt can make the appointment they will be painting and refurbishing the tub while my mother is here.

She got in my bed and went to sleep for a few hours. My cousin and I were in the living room hanging out. When my cousin left I picked up the baby turned on the light in my room. It is baby time get up. It was a laughable moment. My mom was like, what I am tired. I told her the baby has needs. You are here to work not sleep. I had to get her bed together on the couch. My aunt bought a pad for the futon to make it more comfortable. She started complaining I was putting her on a broken down couch.

Clearly my aunt made a great purchase because she is out cold on the futon bed. I put Ava in the bed with her, so I could clean the kitchen, make bottles, get my hair together. Ava struggled a bit but they were in the bed together for about an hour. I got things done which felt great.

My mom also has my neurological condition which I don’t think she takes the medication properly to get rid of all her symptoms. I have tried to get the medication regulated. With no success. Can’t tell a grown woman what to do. Clearly she knows how to compensate for the deficit she works to part-time retail jobs which is not easy work.

She clearly loves this little girl. Even thought she is very nervous with this new bundle of joy. Which is understandable. Ava had me nervous when I first started taking care of her.

My mother sleeps like a rock. The baby crying doesn’t wake her up at all. She will have to be awake when watching the baby. No overnight with Nana. Until she can sleep through the night and wake up Nana when necessary.  Life is interesting and I hope we don’t kill each other in the next two weeks.


1 Month

1 MonthI officially been a mother for four weeks. I don’t think I am perfect at it. We been getting through. I am very nervous when she melts down when we are out and about. I am sure I will get better at that.

My mom will be here tomorrow. Freedom will be here, with coming and going. I am nervous about my mother. She hasn’t had a baby in almost 40 years. I know she is ready to be her grandchild everything!!!