Ex explosion!!

I have talked to two ex’s. They want to be with me. One I wasn’t shocked. He wanted to be the father to my child. The problem I had with it, he was still married. I wasn’t that desperate. My next ex I finally called and told him I had a baby and moved to Boston. I was shocked by his response. He said why didn’t you tell me. I would have come over and rub my stomach. He would have loved to have met my daughter. I found this so fascinating.

It would have been nice to have some companionship during my pregnancy. Granted there is a reason he was an ex. I tried to have a baby with him first. Which I really feel was a waste of time. It was meant to happen. Wasting my time trying to have a baby with him everything has worked out in a way I would have never expected. A week after I gave my notice my company was sold and everyone lost there jobs. I can get unemployment now. I do feel sorry for all my co-workers who are now have to find a way to pay their bills.

I been in Boston a week and a half. Nothing truly exciting has happened.  I started taking birth control today. It made me sick to my stomach. Since I am not having sex, I am putting an end to the pills. Maybe I will consider it again when I have an active sex life. I hope that happens sooner than later!!!


Known Donor Contact!

I been trying to decided if I was going to contact my donor. He did send me an email three months before Ava got here and asked when was my due date. I haven’t heard from him since. I asked my birth team what I should do. They said I could at least tell him she was born. I really wanted to stay anonymous. Granted I have been very public in another venue. More anonymous to my locations. I know it sounds crazy. I want him to stick to the agreement. Not changing his mind and the drama insures. I called, I thought this warranted a phone call. He answered and said he works nights now and couldn’t talk. I said okay, I will send you an email. I sent him a short email thanking him, and I attached a picture. He wrote back quickly. It took less than ten minutes and it said congrats she is beautiful. He didn’t answer my question about meeting her when she is 18. Oh well, I did my part. He gave me the blessing of my life. I could careless if he wants to communicate.

Well in Ava news. We went to my friend’s house. She screamed the whole time we were there. My friends seem to kidnap her as soon as she walks in the door. They also could careless if she is crying. They have kids and don’t think it is a big deal. Me on the other hand with this being my first child. I don’t want to wear out our welcome. As soon as we were driving in the car she was fine. She has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Her eyelid is red. It has been red for a while. I want the doctor to check it out. I went to the doctor today. When I got to the center I really felt I didn’t like the place. I loved my new doctor. She is young and hip and cool. She is also a family doctor, So Ava can go to her to. After Ava appointment tomorrow, I am going to change her doctor.

She filled my neurological prescription and put me on birth control. Granted I don’t see any sex entering my life anytime soon. At least not casual sex. I am not interested in that type of relationship anymore. I want a relationship. I am willing to wait for it.

I also went to the DMV today which was a nightmare. Granted in Massachusetts you do everything in one place. Where as Georgia, you have a different office for registration then a driver’s license. I went through everything and was kicked out of line. I didn’t have cash for the registration. Which I had no idea I needed. Thank god the ATM in the place had enough cash in it. My customer service rep that kicked me out of line said it might not. I didn’t want have to drive around looking for an ATM. It only took another ten twenty minutes. It would have been less, but the next rep locked himself out of his computer and had to call tech support to get back in. Yeah only me. I was rushing, my doctor’s appointment was coming up. I brought my mother Coffee colata on the way home. I don’t know if she will be able Ava all day when I work. We will see. I think dating will be beyond difficult. I really don’t know when I am going to fit that in. Life will calm down. I want to have everything working smoothly and then I can focus on Ava and myself. Such as getting her room together so I can figure out what clothes I need to buy. Slowly but surely everything will work out!!!

Not so fast!!

I received a letter in the mail. Stating how much I will get from unemployment. I thought that meant I was approved. No such luck. They only gave me 15 weeks which I didn’t totally understand. I have worked there for six years. I thought I would get more weeks than that. Since I didn’t think I was going to get it at all. I wasn’t going to complain about that. I called them today, when I was in the office applying I gave them the wrong routing number to my checking account. I had my account number and called my aunt for the routing number she had because I didn’t have any checks on me. I didn’t want to wait for money in the mail. Something made me check and it was wrong. The same bank with a bunch of different routing numbers.

I thought I messed up my first check. No such luck. She said they haven’t approved me yet. I am thinking WTF. They will be making a decision on my case on August 1st. Which is Friday. I don’t see a reason it will be denied. I am grateful that I can receive the benefits. My aunt said why rush back to work. First I don’t know how long it will take me to get a job. I would rather not deplete my savings. I am not going to wait until the last-minute to look for a job. I agreed to wait until sometime in September. So they can do the renovations on the house. Then I am ready to get my life started. Making real money so I can do the things I want to do. Also save for a vacation. I haven’t been on a vacation in so long I barely know what the word means. I am going to enjoy my next two months off. But after that it is a mission to find the job for me.

I am presently 236 pounds. I am hoping with exercise and managing my food I can get that close to 200 pounds. I am going through Ava room as fast as I can with all my crap. My mother has been very reasonable about where I want to put things and set them up. Also when I get a job I am going to do things for my mom. She doesn’t know it yet, but she will have a higher quality of living. I am going to buy her all the things she can’t afford on a fixed income.

My first order of business is to be debt free. If I get a decent enough job I can hopefully put 1000 a month on my debt. Which will have me on the road to freedom sooner than later. I am so pissed that my feet got bigger. When I get the unemployment checks coming, I am going to buy a big screen for the living room. A dresser and guilder for Ava room. My father is buying the crib. Also I need a new bed frame. Mine is taking up to much of the room, making it hard to get around it. Once I know money is coming in I will feel less restricted. Things are really going my way. I need to stay positive.

I also have a man interested in me. We met online three years ago, when I thought I was moving home. He thought I was a big fat liar since I didn’t make it until now. He didn’t skip a beat once I admitted I had a baby. Maybe he will be the father of my second. LOL!!! He has two kids himself. Keeping hope alive!!

No routine yet!!

I been here a complete week. I still feel stir crazy. I have lost weight which I am happy about. I will be taking pictures once I get all my crap unpack. Which is going slow. Hopefully next week I can finish it all. I was approved for unemployment. Life is great especially when I really thought I was not going to get it.

I believe the cat saw a mouse. He is staring around the kitchen. He is posted up and not moving. He is on the job. Today is my mother and sister’s birthday. We will be going out to dinner tonight. After tonight I am going to try to stay out of restaurants. Trying to get my sexy back. Plus fit in my clothes and find a job. I will feel more like myself when this weight is off. I been wearing the same three outfits for a while. My feet have gotten bigger also. Which sucks I already had big feet.

Pretty soon I will be looking for a new job. I am going to give myself a few months. The house should be done by then. He should begin the work in September. I am hoping early September. After I pay off my debts I want to buy a new/used car. I will give my mother my old one. It is paid for and in great shape. Plus she barely drives anywhere she takes the bus and train everywhere. I am going to the gym today. Ava is asleep and I am about to clean and make bottles. The life of a mom. I am two and half months in and I am doing decent. In my opinion.

What the hell!!

I have been here almost a week. I am really having a WTF moment. Why the hell did I choose to move home. Drama is in the house. My mother and Aunt have really been nasty. Granted for their own reasons. My mother had mouth issues and needed to go to the dentist. My aunt had work stress. Here is the deal. If I was in Georgia, I would go about my business until they acted right. Now I have to deal with them. My mother apologized when she got some antibiotics. My aunt kind of apologized.

I am staring at the reason I am here in the house I grew up in. Ava who is drinking her bottle on my bed. Yep I have to suck it up. Do I want to, if I had a real choice. Hell no I would be out of here so fast. But having my daughter with family instead of daycare. I can’t beat that. The fact that my mother would be devastated is a problem. She is her only grandchild. She comes in my room at night just to look at her. I can’t buy that kind of love.

So big girl panties and get the hell over it. I did get to go to they gym today. Which was great. I did a half an hour on an elliptical. Burned 409 calories. I also have done very well with my food. Due to my mother mouth getting better, she isn’t going to her part-time job tomorrow. So I can go to the gym again. Everyone wants to see Ava. I am a true second class citizen. We are going out to dinner with a friend and her family tonight. Then tomorrow we are going to her god mother’s house. They all have gifts for her. I am luck to have some great people in my life. Which includes my aunt and mother, even though they are driving me to drink!!!

Cat hunt!

We left this morning looking for a cat. Ended up at the MSPCA which told us we were too early. Adoption is 2-6pm. We were there at 10am. Then my mother and I proceeded to go to two other shelters. Both had late hours. One wanted to check references. We ended up back at the MSPCA. My mother had a dentist appointment. Since it was so late I ended up driving her. Then Ava was screaming during the traffic on the way home.

Our new cat is named Daisy. We will be picking her up tomorrow between 3-4. She will be spaded tomorrow. She is a beautiful cat with the softest hair. She will have maintenance. Long hair cat, needs to be brushed a few times a week.  My only requirement is that she was friendly. Which looks to be the case.

I really need to go into this kitchen and make bottles. But I am scared to see one of our little friends run across the floor. I also got a membership to the YMCA today. I will be attending classes. I really need to call another location and see how early they take kids in the daycare.

I still have a pile of boxes to go through. The unemployment office from Georgia called me. I send off the information they requested of me. Money coming in would be beyond great. I am hoping it is approved quickly.

I am hoping this addition to our family Daisy, will like her new home!!!


Show down!!

Another argument with my mother. It was coming, I could feel it. I was getting very annoyed she kept telling me what to do. She would tell me what to do then say do what you want. Which I know she did not mean. I am working on getting a membership at the YMCA. The one I wanted said there daycare age started with walking children. That was not going to be helpful to me. I called another one and they said six weeks and up. I was so excited. My mother was pissed off and acted like I was leaving my child with Jack the riper.

It all started when she said she would watch Ava, Monday Wednesday because she didn’t have to work. Well that lasted one day. Which was Monday then she had a lot to do. This annoyed the hell out of me. I had a lot to do. I have been here all of four days with a lot on my plate to accomplish to get settled. With the responsibility of a newborn has been difficult.

I feel very fat and my feet have gotten bigger. My shoes do not fit. Once I get my unemployment things will improve. I will have more money to work with. My room looks great. I am taking my time to put my crap in it. I want it neat, not looking like an episode of hoarders.

Several things to be done tomorrow. The dryer was fixed today. My mother broke the dial, which was made with a cheap plastic. He put on a temporary dial. He will be bringing me a new one. 60 bucks later, I have a dryer that works.

I have the biggest pimple on my head. I can’t wait until everything in the house has its place.  Then I can focus on the house renovations and getting my body right. As soon as the house is complete we are having a party. I have never held a party in my life. So this should be interesting.

Day 4

I been spending money. Well charging things. I want Ava and I to be comfortable. I needed an air conditioner. It will be 90 degrees tomorrow and I want to be in my own room. I am sick of being in my mom’s room. I applied for unemployment yesterday. It did not start of well. They told me I should have applied in Georgia. I didn’t lash out I took a deep breath and this will worked out.

I wasn’t going to get on the plane and go back to Georgia and apply. I ended up applying online. Which I could have done at home. It got done so I appreciate that.

I ran a lot of errands yesterday. I signed Ava up for METCO. Which is a program I was in. Boston Public Schools have their issues. So I was bused to a school in the suburbs. It is a lottery system. I asked will she have a better shot because I am alumni. She said the babies are easier to place. It is the older kids that are harder.

My mother saw a mouse. Which is the third mouse. Two dead now one running. Okay I know I am in Boston, but mice is not something I can deal with. Our cat died two years ago. The reason we got the cat, I saw a mouse run across the floor. He was our faithful cat for 17 years. My mother was very upset, so she couldn’t bring herself to get another cat. Welt that is over she is ready to get a new feline in the house. We have to clean up all the cat poison before we head to the shelter.

I came home and Ava had a blowout diaper. My mother had shit all over my child. Her foot and hair. I have no idea how that happened. My baby smelled so bad. I had to clean her up and give her a bath. She cried so much she was tired and fell asleep out of exhaustion.

I have a lot to do but seeing a mouse has kept me in my room. I don’t want to run into Mickey.



Last night in Boston!!

I am in the living room giving my 11-year-old baby cousin advise. Some she is grateful for and others she is not trying to hear. She is trying will learn when she gets older. I really should have spent more time with them. I have enjoyed these kids. We went to the movies and saw 22 jump street. Which was a stupid movie. They liked it so mission accomplished. I wanted to see it. The previews were the best part of the movie.  It was painful to watch that foolishness.

I have been watching what they wanted to watch on TV. I am not used to entertaining children. I guess I need to get use to it.  Soon I will have to watch children T.V. shows. My mother also. Which would totally be interesting. My mother never sat there and watch cartoons with me. Granted they didn’t come on as often as they do now. There is channel devoted to children now. Back in the say you had to wake up on Saturday morning. Or the after school specials was it.

Even though these kids are too much. Extra which is the new word I was taught from them. I have had fun with them over my few days before I leave this state.


Today has been a hell of a day. My cousin kids have been by my side for days. I am thankful they were with me today. I took Ava to get her shots today. I get there and they say my insurance was expired. I was pissed, because it shouldn’t be done until July 31. I ended up outside of the office arguing with my benefits person and my insurance company. They agreed that they were in the wrong canceling my insurance. I knew the rules. I been at this company for six years. They lay people off on the first to make sure they at least get a month of insurance.

I was yelling at the lady you cashed my benefits check. What the hell. I ended up paying out-of-pocket for her shots. Which weren’t as much as I thought.  The ear-piercing was 30 bucks and the shots and visit was 170. I charged it, my insurance company will reimburse me. Which clearly I have to do the extra work of getting the bill and sending it to them for my money. I tried to be nice when I was talking to the lady about my lack of insurance. She acted like I was sitting at a desk and could wait for her to get back to me. I told her do not hang up the phone. I am sitting outside in crazy heat, sweating my ass off. My two month old is in a waiting room with her two cousin that are 11 and 10 years old. I was getting pissed off with every she didn’t know answer. Can I put you on hold crap. Finally they tried to give Ava a verbal that I had insurance. They weren’t going for it so I had to pay.

The kids were getting frustrated and so was I. They really wanted to be home and outside. They lost that privilege from all the fighting they do. So their mother told them they can go with me or sit in the house. I also promised I would take them to steak and shake. Bribery works with all kids. They change Ava formula to Similac sensitive. Because the appointment took so long she was hungry. How did I have the ready-made formula with no nipples. I felt like total crap. I have a hungry baby and I didn’t have a way to feed her. I thought how in the hell am I a mother.  We ended up at Walmart and I purchased the new formula we feed and changed her in the car.  Then we went to the beauty supply store to buy my baby cousin a few things for her hair. Also for her to do mine. Then I decided I was going to go to my old job.

That was the best move ever. I ended up talking to the president before leaving. We discussed the fact that the place was sold. He gave me his home and cell number to use for a reference. I brought up the fact I wanted unemployment. He told me to apply and they wouldn’t dispute it. I couldn’t believe how god had blessed me. I was to thrilled that I waited to talk to him.

I called the billing department of the hospital. I told them about my job situation. I will be getting a financial aid form in the mail. Things are beyond great. Other then my daughter having screaming fits all day. I am not sure if it is the formula. I think it is the shots. I been giving her Tylenol. A few more days and I am on the road to Boston. The future is looking bright.

I then took the kids to steak and shake. Our last stop was my apartment. I check my mail and found bills from the hospital. I did the walk through. I was called by the moving company driver. My stuff will be there this Saturday. So I will only have to wait one day for my stuff.