My aunt use to say that I married my friends. I was never into my family. For many reason I wished I had another family. I never felt they had my back. Other than my grandmother who I wish was still alive.
All my family seems so selfish and have this need to be right. My aunt and I were yelling at each other this morning. I hung up in her face. I just can’t take her bullshit sometimes. She is the most controlling ass person I know. Something happened at her job and she told my cousin and I. We were not blown away or even moved by her drama at work. She was immediately pissed off. She told me we should be upset because she is upset. I said it doesn’t work that way. You can’t control my reactions. How sick is that. I know I have my own issues. Believe me. I have my own brand of crazy. Dealing with my family brand of crazy drives me insane.
For the most part my mother and I are getting along. I still with I had my own house. My own space, my own cleaning regimen. No one really cares that I feel like a fish out of water. I have lived on my own for over 15 years and I am feeling like I am 10 years old again. My aunt can dish is out but can’t take it. She can be mean judgmental and demeaning. You give it back to her she has toilet tissue feelings. Believe me I give it back I don’t have time to coddle a grown ass woman.
I have compiled some scratch tickets and wouldn’t it be lovely to win money to blow this pop stand. Some days I am feeling like I made a big mistake moving back home. Other days I face the harsh reality no matter that my aunt and mother can be the biggest bitches. They will need me sooner than later. They are old and need help soon. It also pisses me off that my cousin my aunt son can so retract out of this family bullshit. Granted when his ass show up it is like the Jesus has come and spoken and we must listen. I don’t command that much respect at all.
My mother is a clean freak that washes the floors on her hands and knees with a wash cloth. Where as my aunt rarely cleans anything and house is beyond crazy. I told her you have the money get a maid. Her answer I don’t know any. The woman I use to respect so much for her competence. Seems to not want to deal with life and deflects any chance she gets.
I know you can’t pick your family. I know other people have it worse. But damn what new hell am I in. I want an escape plan badly. We argued because I said I will be looking for a job in October. She said the bathroom might not be done. Now how the hell does she know this. We haven’t talked to the contracted. She just like to throw a monkey wrench into shit then when it starts an arguments she doesn’t want to deal with.
I called my cousin, who must have knew I was having issues. He didn’t pick up. I left a message. I am not stupid. My aunt swears I never recall any of conversation accurately. This is a woman who forgot to pay bills and said her memory is shaky. But my recall is off any times she needs to be right. To all my readers please pray for my ass. I am feeling like I really miscalculated this moving to Boston!!!! The one light is my mother joy of being with Ava and myself.