Principles before Personalities

I swear if I had money I would be out of here and hire a nanny. I am going to scratch my tickets tonight and pray for some relief.

My mother and her twin sister could drive someone to drink to the point of passing out. I don’t understand the frustration and attitude these two generate. I would just hand up the phone and go about my daily life when I was in Georgia. Now I am here with no wear to turn.

Ava woke up at 3am this morning. It was unusual for her, but going back to sleep was not on her agenda. I was tired as hell. Thankful the electrician was not coming so I could sleep in the morning. I don’t know why but I can’t seem to shake this tired feeling. I know when I go to work it will be ten times worse. My mother juggles between Ava being her baby and when she annoyed or tired come get your baby.

Ava was sleep and I was right next to her knocked out. The door bell rang. WTH who the hell is that. I went to the door it is the electrician. I said why are you here you said you wouldn’t be here until Monday. Did your aunt tell you. Nope she said absolutely nothing. I let him and tried to go back to sleep. He let himself out. Once I got a few minutes of sleep I called my aunt and said why didn’t you tell me about the electrician. She got a instant attitude and told me she didn’t know what I was talking about. I didn’t care she didn’t know it was the attitude that pissed me off. What is with all the damn attitudes around here.

An hour later she said he left a message on her answering machine. Like opps but no apology for the stankness she gave me over the phone. I said whatever and got off the phone.

My mother called and I asked her if I could go out when she gets home. By myself shopping. I need sometime alone. She said okay. Then when she gets home she had all these things she needed to do. Now it is seven pm stores closes at nine. She yelled at me three times aggravated by I don’t know what. Again I am like WTF is up with all this damn attitude. I should have packed up my daughter and went out my damn self. I am sick of this power struggle with my mother and I. She loves the control Ava gives her over my life. I literally hate it.

I have to find a way to shake free of her grip or I am going to go straight crazy.

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3 thoughts on “Principles before Personalities

  1. This dynamic sounds really hard. Sending a hug.

    I like what you said about not letting your mother’s lack of integrity (doing what she said she would do) have control over you. Yes to packing up Ava and heading out! I know it makes things a lot harder but maybe worth it for giving you back your choice/power.

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