I went to my friends house. Her sister was visiting from Spain. I hadn’t seen her sister since 2006. Ava did act a fool. More women showed up. Talking and laughing until 11:30 at night. I actually revield my SMC status. I was shocked that I even went there. I felt comfortable, I hope it doesn’t burn me later.
I have a job interview coming up. Pray for me. I am ready to work. I would have expected to take public transportation. No employee parking. The job sounds interesting. It’s a non profit. I asked God to send me a job that supports my family. I want to pay bills and not work a lot of overtime. To be away from my baby.
Nothing special is going on here. Hopefully are bathroom will start the process of renovation after Thanksgiving. I will keep it in prayer. Life is great no complaints. My mother still has her moods. And I have mine so I can’t really complain about that. I am losing weight thank you god. I want to get back into my clothes and stop feeling like a fat blog. The plumber is still hitting on me which is nice. My world is very small since I do not have this full list of babysitters. After watching 20/20 the other day I am not that trusting of nannies either.
I went to the gym and ran into someone from high school. She was a year older and I always thought she was nice even thought I didn’t know her well. She lives very close to me. We exchanged numbers so maybe a new friendship will emerge. I need to make my world a whole lot bigger. I obsessively look at houses I can’t afford online. My mother bought me a scratch ticket. It would be hilarious is the one she bought brings in the cash. Believe you me I would say thanks mom with a big ass smile.
I feel like I am not being productive as I want to be. I really need to work on that. My baby is only six months and I am thinking about having another one. I never thought that would happen at all. I hated pregnancy and hated giving birth. I am grateful for her in a way I can’t even explain. Over two years ago I was in tears for not getting pregnant. How life can change on a dime. She is the best thing I ever did and also the hardest thing I ever did. I know my life will be filled with a lot of challenges. Here is to life and all its glory.
I can barely believe Ava is six months old. I can barely believe I haven’t worked in six months. All surprising to me. I love my baby girl to death. We went to the doctors, she had four shots. One included a flu shot. She is 18.2 pounds which is the 84%, 27 inches tall which is the 89% and here head is 17.5 inches which is the 96%. My child has a big head. Well so does her mom so I can’t complain. She cried during the shots, but as soon as it was over I picked her up and she gave the nurse a dirty look. My mom left the room, she couldn’t take her getting shots.
In my news the plumber kissed me. I kind of didn’t reciprocate. I am not sure where I want to go with him. I been looking for a job. Which sucks. I think with it being fourth quarter things are slow until the new year. I still have my lottery fantasies with no monetary luck. Living with my mom is cool sometimes and other times I wish I had my own place. My cousin said it is a means to an end. Which is true. I love my mom, sometimes I feel we need space from each other in a big way. She is moody. I am moody. It doesn’t always go over well.
Ava took a two-hour nap in her room today. When there is no noise and she goes to sleep (which doesn’t always happen) She is out like a light. I have no real complaints. Today all my needs are met. I only have today. We will see what happens tomorrow.
We made up that same day. It was family break down in a major way. We all apologized to each other and life continues on. This has made me realize I will not live here forever. I will be making an exit eventually. As my cousin said, I am here for a reason. I need to keep that in focus. When I get a job I can work on getting out of debt and creating a nice nest egg. Then Maybe I can quite work part-time and go to school without financial stress.
My mother keeps calling the plumber my boyfriend. She claims she won’t comment on what I should do. It is obvious she likes him. Does she like him for me is a question she wouldn’t answer. I will tell you when I was desperate to leave this house I was going to do whatever and move in with him. Not my usual plan of attack in any situation but I was desperate.
I went to see a recruiter and I actually thought it went well. She said she had an opportunity that she is putting my resume in for. I am praying that it comes through it sounds perfect. It is only two towns over which makes it very close and convenient. I really want to call this woman. I just met her yesterday so I will wait until early next week.
I am feeling like I want out of this family. Massive arguments going on with everyone. Me and my aunt. Me and my mother. Can I tell you have no intention of apologizing. I wish I could escape. I am starting to remember why I moved so far away in the first place. I am feeling very stuck. Knowing me I will find a solution to this. My family might not like it, but I tell you I really don’t care at the moment.
I let my baby cry why I had a phone interview. She was fine, I was watching her on the video monitor. I was feeling bad. By the time I finished the interview she cried herself to sleep. My heart was breaking that I couldn’t pick her up.
I usually let her cry for a few minutes to see if she will go back to sleep. Twenty minutes are something I never have done. She came out unscathed. She was all smiles when I went in the room and picked her up. I also had to wake her up from her long late night nap. Which was entirely to long. I need her to go to sleep tonight. So she can’t go to sleep for the night right now. Then she will be up at two in the morning ready to party.
My interview went well. It looks like I might have a great opportunity coming my way. I am scared to start a new job. New everything, people, office politics and expectations. I am going to pray about it. The recruiter said they have been trying to fill this position since August. Which makes me a little nervous. I asked why is it taking so long. He said they weren’t getting many resumes. I told him up front if they want me to start it will have to be two weeks after I accept. He asked why, which I went around the answer without really answering it.
My mother wants to give her job two weeks notice before staying home with Ava. I have to respect that. My life is changing in so many ways and quickly. My daughter watches entirely too much TV I know, but didn’t realize how hard it is to get things done with an infant.
This woman who I think is beautiful, stylish and all the above together gave me a compliment. She made my day, Shit she made my year. She told me I was gorgeous. I have to say it put a big smile on my face. I went to see a recruiter. I was put off that the job I applied to online didn’t actually exist. They were recruiting. I looked at this woman like she was crazy. I got dressed and took the commuter rail with my feet hurting in the cold. For a job that doesn’t exist. Oh thanks really is what I thought. I really feel it will be slow until January.
I am not hurting right now. I have paid all my bill for the month. Food and gas is all I need to come out of my pocket for. Thank you god, things are alright.
I am starting to feel like a real mom.Two birthday parties this weekend. Ava and I are going even though it is raining. My friend said people won’t come to your party,if you don’t go to there’s.
We have another party on Sunday. They can’t wait to see her.
I put my resume online. Three recruiters called me. I have an interview with one on Monday. The ball is rolling. I am nervous to start new job. New people and politics. Traveling in the Boston weather. Having to learn new things, perform and be reviewed. I am praying I am going to get a great job with great people.
My daughter is in her crib. I have a few minutes to myself. My aunt got mad, because I didn’t want to talk to her while I have an hour of peace to myself. My mother and I argued because Ava cried when she first was put in her crib. My mother doesn’t like to hear her cried. I told her she needs to get over it. Things are going along no complaints.