The first year is a blur!!

So much has happened in this first year. It is such a blur. Just like the past 15 years. Time goes by so fast, I can’t believe how much of my life has past. I remember being fat and Unpopular in High School. Losing weight after college and feeling like a million bucks. Moving to Atlanta and partying like I had not sense. I have not traveled. I have had a lot of fun. I wish I could see myself the way others see me. I am my worst critic. There are many things I would love to fix about myself. I know this might sound crazy. I started to try and hypnotize myself. When I was trying to get pregnant. The mean doctor suggested I see a hypnotherapist. This chick was expensive. She gave me a CD to listen to. I was going to make my own for myself. Such a procrastinator. I started and never finished. I think I am going to work on that. Hearing my own voice might keep the thoughts in my head. Any who!! I been using the ones on YouTube. There are a lot for many different things. Prosperity, Dreams come true, Weight loss. I turn it on when I am going to sleep and let it play on my phone. I started last night. Not sure it is working, but I had a pretty upbeat day today. So I am going to try again tonight. It doesn’t cost anything and I have a lot to gain and nothing to lose. I am attaching my journey video. Let me know what you think.

It is Friday night!!

It is Friday night , and I am tired. My diet has gone completely out the window. Which has dramatically effected my weight. My mother is getting easier to live with. I still can’t help but miss my own place. My baby had her one year doctors’ appointment. She is 30 inches which puts her in the 77 percentile. She is 24 pounds which puts her in the 94 percentile. The doctor called my baby chunky. I wasn’t feeling that. She doesn’t like regular milk as much as formula.

My car has been acting up, and I was looking for a new one. It was going to cut into my budget and paying off debt. I am not prepared to pay for a new (used) car. They said they would only give me 500 bucks for mine. So I am going to ride that bitch until I can’t ride any more. Maybe I can get another year out of it. I will be thrilled with that.

I keep buying lottery tickets. I won a few times. No amounts worth mentioning, I am ready for my big break. LOL.

I am happy my mother is willing to watch Ava on Monday so I can go see the Avengers. She watched her the other day so I could hang out with co-workers after work. I don’t know where this very nice woman came from. I am thrilled she has finally made an appearance.

I have a crush on this guy at work. He is tall dark and handsome and very quiet. I talk to him on a regular basis. He is always smiling. I am not sure if that means he likes me or, he smiles at everyone. I would love if he was into me. Keeping hope alive.

Guess who is a year old!!!

12 MonthI had her birthday party today. It went great actually. It only cost 130.00 bucks. For the place. I got six pizza’s two salads and four servings of french fries. This place didn’t do family style. So I bought some tins to put the food in. The plumber gave me 100 bucks for the party. I did not ask. I actually tried to give it back. Then I said WTF am I giving it back. I took it. So pretty much he paid for the party. Because I put down 50 dollar deposit.

She had a Chica cake.

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If you don’t have kids, it is a little chicken on the sprout network that she loves. Ava went to everyone with no crying. I was so shocked. My mother couldn’t believe it either. This child cries when anyone tries to hold her. She was in love with Grandad. I am about to line him up as a babysitter. At least to get my toes done and other random errands.

Dad also put 100 bucks in a card. I was thinking damn, I can’t remember when I got 100 bucks.  I guess grandchildren are always different. Life is good. Things I need to work on. I am patting myself on my back for getting through year one. I can’t believe I started from newborn to now. It flew by like a whirlwind. With so many transitions and drama it is crazy. I can’t believe I moved here driving from GA. We did it in one day with a two month old. Moved back to the city I hate. With my mom, can’t believe that. Blizzard of 2015, new job and etc.

I made it in one piece. Thank you Jesus!!! No my baby!! My baby is now a toddler.{7707b807-7957-4b9a-933a-d5bc77f15760}_320140604_0303541 Month

Can’t stop eating!@#@ WTF

I left my weight loss program. Due to timing and not having a  baby sister that doesn’t complain. Yes I am talking about my mother. I have been eating my ass off.

I am officially 207.5. Which pisses me off. The funny thing is when I got pregnant I was 216. I am officially under my pre pregnancy weight. I was 195 at one point. Which makes a tremendous difference in clothes.

My daughter will be one tomorrow. I can not believe this time flew like this. I am not happy with my life, but happy with my child. If that makes since. I eat over my feeling and I have a whole of that lately.

I have have ass gotten this party together. I left work early today to get party favors for the few kids that will be there. I am not really decorating. My aunt bought the cake and balloons. I am buying each person one soda each. They do not have refills at this place. So I am going to order five pizza and some fries. We have the backroom. I am going to try and take pictures and video portions of the event.

I wish there was a non addictive happy pill. With all the smart people in the world. Can we come up with that. All this and I want another baby. I always wanted more then one. Granted I love that she is out of the infant stage. I hated be pregnant and giving birth. I still want more then one. I don’t know how I am going to work that out. I am going to have to pray for strength in a lot of things. Food and overeating. Being tired and lazy. More lazy then tired. Trying to find my niche in the world. Having another baby. God does listen to me. I need to work on my relationship. With my belief system. I have gotten a lot of things I wanted. Two years ago I was crying about getting pregnant. Now I am celebrating my daughters first birthday. If that isn’t god I don’t know what is.