My baby got the life. She can keep me up all night. Waking up for various reason. Then sleeping in, while I am getting ready for work. To deal with a 10 to 11 hour day including traffic to work. As a zombie and wanting to curl up in the backseat of my car for hours. Knowing someone would be looking for me at work. So I come home to this fully rested (had naps during the day) extra energy child. I had ten cups of coffee. Which a co-worker and I call our smoking break.
You know how the smokers have twenty breaks to suck on the cancer stick. I say that lovingly because I use to be one of them. So we take constant coffee breaks. Sometimes I get tea, or water. This particular day I needed the lethal extra strength coffee. Which ended up giving me a stomach ace and I was eating tums at my desk.
Then I come home and she looks at me like where have you been. Going to bed is not a option. Passing her off to another parent not an option. My mother had her all day and said she is off. Which is her usual comment as I walk in the door. Yeah my mother has moments of helping on my non work hours. Which I thank her for in many ways. They are not consistent. She has her all day, so I can’t complain.
I did put my foot down of the things she will do with her during the day. I am paying her to watch my daughter, I AM THE BOSS. So I have a feeling that my daughter is safe. All this Petafile shit will have you going mad. In watching the news all this craziness happens in daycare. Granted if I didn’t have any other options that is where she would be. She would have more structure then she does now.
I didn’t go to daycare and I turned out alright. With the same woman at home me, interesting enough. When she is almost three I will be looking for preschools. Right now I have so many other things I need to be working on. Such as my debt to income ratio. Yeah looking at my finances, makes me understand why women have sugar daddies. Only kidding, Partially!!!
Ok, I am very upset. Someone betrayed my trust. I know I need to let it go. But it is hard to let those type of things go. I am praying she didn’t do it on purpose. It does slip in my mind that she did. Something was revealed on Facebook. I personally sent it to my friends in a text message.
Facebook’s is not a website of my friends. It is a website of acquaintances. Granted my family is on there and some good friend from Atlanta. Hence why I post pictures of the baby and I. To keep them updated. It is easier that way. In no way do I let my personal world collide with someone I went to high school with. When I signed up for Facebook all those years ago. I had no idea I would still be on this site. I am not sure anyone did. It is nice to see pictures of people.
I been home a year, has anyone reached out to me. NOPE!! Has anyone said hey your back in town you want to do something. Hello NO. Clearly not friends of mine. I will let this go shortly, I am mad right now.
I called her right up and she deleted it thank god. I told her I wouldn’t tell her another thing about my life. I meant that!!! I am also going to be more guarded. Which I don’t want to be, but it might need to be a necessity.
Why am I drinking coffee so late. I have things to work on. Articles, YouTube channel. Book I need to get off the ground. My baby doesn’t let me do those things when she is awake.
I need more money in my life. I need to get my debt under control. I also need a new car. Which I knew was coming. I was trying to get it out of my brain. I want a RAV 4. They seem very out of my price range. I am looking for a used one. I might have to change my choice to something more affordable. I know I want the small SUV.
Things are moving and shaking in my life. The plumber is still trying me. I have no interest in this man. I need him to continue to do the plumbing work on this house and that is it. He said he would come over and check the toilet. There might be a leek that is going downstairs. They hang out for awhile. I don’t want to hang with him. I told him no hanging out. I am not in the mood for bullshit. I need a man who has my back in every way. Not trying to poor some water on me and make me into what he wants. I have been blessed in so many ways. Presently I have lost ten pounds. I am about to reinstate my budget. I will be working on that budget this week. I am going to look for something I can do for extra income. Not that I have time for that. The life of a single mother. I am not complaining I regret nothing.
It all worked out. I am now a contributing writer for www.thenextfamily.com/2015/08/single-mother-by-choice/. I am so happy. I found this website three years ago in the beginning of my journey. Now I can help others. Which is what I try to do on my YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/BostonGirl5560 !!!
Things are coming together!!!!
I am waiting to see if my company will settle there issue with me. Or small claims court here I come. I am not going to be walked over. As my aunt said I have education, I will find another job. If they make my job difficult they will have another lawsuit on there hands.
All this to say, I drank coffee at 9:30pm to work on many things. My YouTube channel. I will add the latest video at the end. My possible writing gig. Also looking for a new job. Not sure how much will be taken care of this evening. After two cups of coffee I am still yawning. I am going to make my best efforts.
I am concerned about Ava and her development. Her speech isn’t coming the way I think it should. I say think because I have no idea how this is supposed to happen. What I read on line she is not doing. I have a doctor’s appointment this Thursday coming up. I will discuss it with the doctor. See if she needs some early intervention. Which is free in Massachusetts.
I was talking to my friend who owned a daycare for a number of years. She told me what to do, to help her speech. Then she heard her say up on the phone. I didn’t hear it. Now I am starting to think I need to have my hearing check. With bum ass job and it B.S. health insurance. I will wait until I get another job and better benefits. I know that sounds crazy. But I can’t afford to get sick. Even the benefits lady who was telling us about it called it the don’t get sick plan. Is corp America really that bad. I would have to say hell yes.
I want another baby. I know right I must be smoking crack. As much as I bitch and complain. I think we would be complete as a family of three. Just a dream at the moment. Something to pray about. Hey Ava was just a thought also. I believe it can be possible. I know I will have less help because my mother is doing the best she can now and it is a stretch. Reality is a bitch!!! My fantasy world is amazing!!!
So it looks like I will be suing my job in small claims court. Everything isn’t final yet, but I don’t feel like dealing with this drama. In the same breath you will not walk all over me.
On the good news side. I might be a contributing writer on a website about different families. I would of course write about being a single mother by choice. I am so excited. My aunt asked are you going to get paid. Of course not. You don’t have to get paid for everything. You never know where it could lead.
My YouTube channel I was contacted by a reality show. You know I would never be on know reality show. They wanted me to do an interview because they were in the creative process of the show. I haven’t seen anything and they haven’t contacted me since the interview. So I have no idea where that was going to go.
It is funny how social media effects a lot of people and things. I did a video on Sears.com sucks and they contacted me to fix the problem. Which they really didn’t do anything but offer me ten bucks. I then did a sears.com sucks part #2. I also did a video on a cowboy bar that I had a great time. They contacted me and said thanks for the great review.
I know these youngings have made YouTube work for them financially. I have no idea how to do that. I am also not going to make video’s about things that do not interests me. Just to make money. Then it will feel like a job. I already have one of those that actually pays my bills. I feel like the old lady into social media. Hey there is a place for me. I do have followers and women have contacted me in all parts of my journey. I feel like I am helping people. That is what I really wanted to do. The only women talking about getting inseminated for the most part was lesbians. I felt we were not represents. Even thought I now several lesbian who are single mother by choice. When you see the video’s and you see it is two people on the journey and excited about a baby. That is not my journey. It is me alone, doing everything alone. I felt that wasn’t represented.