Life of Riley!!

My baby got the life. She can keep me up all night. Waking up for various reason. Then sleeping in, while I am getting ready for work. To deal with a 10 to 11 hour day including traffic to work. As a zombie and wanting to curl up in the backseat of my car for hours. Knowing someone would be looking for me at work.  So I come home to this fully rested (had naps during the day) extra energy child. I had ten cups of coffee. Which a co-worker and I call our smoking break.

You know how the smokers have twenty breaks to suck on the cancer stick. I say that lovingly because I use to be one of them. So we take constant coffee breaks. Sometimes I get tea, or water. This particular day I needed the lethal extra strength coffee. Which ended up giving me a stomach ace and I was eating tums at my desk.

Then I come home and she looks at me like where have you been. Going to bed is not a option. Passing her off to another parent not an option. My mother had her all day and said she is off. Which is her usual comment as I walk in the door. Yeah my mother has moments of helping on my non work hours. Which I thank her for in many ways. They are not consistent. She has her all day, so I can’t complain.

I did put my foot down of the things she will do with her during the day. I am paying her to watch my daughter, I AM THE BOSS. So I have a feeling that my daughter is safe. All this Petafile shit will have you going mad. In watching the news all this craziness happens in daycare. Granted if I didn’t have any other options that is where she would be. She would have more structure then she does now.

I didn’t go to daycare and I turned out alright. With the same woman at home me, interesting enough. When she is almost three I will be looking for preschools. Right now I have so many other things I need to be working on. Such as my debt to income ratio. Yeah looking at my finances, makes me understand why women have sugar daddies. Only kidding, Partially!!!

Pissed off!!

Ok, I am very upset. Someone betrayed my trust. I know I need to let it go. But it is hard to let those type of things go. I am praying she didn’t do it on purpose. It does slip in my mind that she did. Something was revealed on Facebook. I personally sent it to my friends in a text message.

Facebook’s is not a website of my friends. It is a website of acquaintances. Granted my family is on there and some good friend from Atlanta. Hence why I post pictures of the baby and I. To keep them updated. It is easier that way. In no way do I let my personal world collide with someone I went to high school with. When I signed up for Facebook all those years ago. I had no idea I would still be on this site. I am not sure anyone did. It is nice to see pictures of people.

I been home a year, has anyone reached out to me. NOPE!! Has anyone said hey your back in town you want to do something. Hello NO. Clearly not friends of mine. I will let this go shortly, I am mad right now.

I called her right up and she deleted it thank god. I told her I wouldn’t tell her another thing about my life. I meant that!!! I am also going to be more guarded. Which I don’t want to be, but it might need to be a necessity.

Coffee at 10:30pm

Why am I drinking coffee so late. I have things to work on. Articles, YouTube channel. Book I need to get off the ground. My baby doesn’t let me do those things when she is awake.

I need more money in my life. I need to get my debt under control. I also need a new car. Which I knew was coming. I was trying to get it out of my brain. I want a RAV 4. They seem very out of my price range. I am looking for a used one. I might have to change my choice to something more affordable. I know I want the small SUV.

Things are moving and shaking in my life. The plumber is still trying me. I have no interest in this man. I need him to continue to do the plumbing work on this house and that is it. He said he would come over and check the toilet. There might be a leek that is going downstairs. They hang out for awhile. I don’t want to hang with him. I told him no hanging out. I am not in the mood for bullshit. I need a man who has my back in every way. Not trying to poor some water on me and make me into what he wants. I have been blessed in so many ways. Presently I have lost ten pounds. I am about to reinstate my budget.  I will be working on that budget this week. I am going to look for something I can do for extra income. Not that I have time for that. The life of a single mother. I am not complaining I regret nothing.

New job pronto!!

I am waiting to see if my company will settle there issue with me. Or small claims court here I come. I am not going to be walked over. As my aunt said I have education, I will find another job. If they make my job difficult they will have another lawsuit on there hands.

All this to say, I drank coffee at 9:30pm to work on many things. My YouTube channel. I will add the latest video at the end. My possible writing gig. Also looking for a new job. Not sure how much will be taken care of this evening. After two cups of coffee I am still yawning. I am going to make my best efforts.

I am concerned about Ava and her development. Her speech isn’t coming the way I think it should. I say think because I have no idea how this is supposed to happen. What I read on line she is not doing. I have a doctor’s appointment this Thursday coming up. I will discuss it with the doctor. See if she needs some early intervention. Which is free in Massachusetts.

I was talking to my friend who owned a daycare for a number of years. She told me what to do, to help her speech. Then she heard her say up on the phone. I didn’t hear it. Now I am starting to think I need to have my hearing check. With bum ass job and it B.S. health insurance. I will wait until I get another job and better benefits. I know that sounds crazy. But I can’t afford to get sick. Even the benefits lady who was telling us about it called it the don’t get sick plan. Is corp America really that bad. I would have to say hell yes.

I want another baby. I know right I must be smoking crack. As much as I bitch and complain. I think we would be complete as a family of three. Just a dream at the moment. Something to pray about. Hey Ava was just a thought also. I believe it can be possible. I know I will have less help because my mother is doing the best she can now and it is a stretch. Reality is a bitch!!! My fantasy world is amazing!!!

Life and more life!!!

So it looks like I will be suing my job in small claims court. Everything isn’t final yet, but I don’t feel like dealing with this drama. In the same breath you will not walk all over me.

On the good news side. I might be a contributing writer on a website about different families. I would of course write about being a single mother by choice. I am so excited. My aunt asked are you going to get paid. Of course not. You don’t have to get paid for everything. You never know where it could lead.

My YouTube channel I was contacted by a reality show. You know I would never be on know reality show. They wanted me to do an interview because they were in the creative process of the show. I haven’t seen anything and they haven’t contacted me since the interview. So I have no idea where that was going to go.

It is funny how social media effects a lot of people and things. I did a video on sucks and they contacted me to fix the problem. Which they really didn’t do anything but offer me ten bucks. I then did a sucks part #2. I also did a video on a cowboy bar that I had a great time. They contacted me and said thanks for the great review.

I know these youngings have made YouTube work for them financially. I have no idea how to do that. I am also not going to make video’s about things that do not interests me. Just to make money. Then it will feel like a job. I already have one of those that actually pays my bills. I feel like the old lady into social media. Hey there is a place for me. I do have followers and women have contacted me in all parts of my journey. I feel like I am helping people. That is what I really wanted to do. The only women talking about getting inseminated for the most part was lesbians. I felt we were not represents. Even thought I now several lesbian who are single mother by choice. When you see the video’s and you see it is two people on the journey and excited about a baby. That is not my journey. It is me alone, doing everything alone. I felt that wasn’t represented.