I am up late due to caffeine. I need to work on the things in my life that make me happy. The things I want to make me money. The thing that make me ME!!! I love blogging and I use to keep up with it when I could do it at work. Clearly that isn’t the case anymore. I sit right next to my boss, no cube to separate us. Which she is cool so no biggie. I still play with my phone a lot. I do get my work done. She has also given me a lot of compliments of working with me. Thank you Jesus. I couldn’t take working for another bitch. I am also a union employee so they can’t keep my after 4:30pm except on our long day. We also have a half a day on Friday. Can I say I love this place. I never been a union employee before. I had no idea what that meant. Now I know, it will be hard to fire me. Can I say this will be my last and final job.
Hopefully I won’t have to update the resume ever again. I don’t even want a promotion. I like my non-stress job. God has put this job in place right on time. I still haven’t started my new blog. I don’t have much time to myself ever. Also Ava wakes up in the middle of the night several nights a week and doesn’t go back to sleep. I have no idea what is causing the random wake ups. She still has the pacifier. I know it should have been gone a long time ago. She only has it during the night. No longer during the day. If it keeps her ass asleep I don’t care. I need to sleep.
I been slipping on my YouTube channel. I have to work on editing more videos. Which is another thing I try and fit in my world. By no means am I complaining. I am blessed and I know it. Even with the issues Ava is going through. I know everything could always be worse. Now if I happen to scratch my lottery ticket and don’t have to work, I really won’t complain.
I am going to work on No Carbs. If I want a snack I am going to eat a boiled egg. I am a sugar and carbohydrate addict. I know it. No one needs to tell me. I need to get my life together. Get to my goals. Even if I have to sacrifice sleep. Which is so hard for me. When I sleep I really don’t sleep well. I always feel like I am playing catch up.
I have so many things I want to work on. Ava will be in preschool in a year. I want to have accomplished some things on my list by then. Wish me luck!!!
The struggle is real. Trying to have a baby can be a big financial expense. If you are not one of the lucky ones. Meaning shoot some sperm up there bomb you are pregnant. I been asked to promote a fund to help a subscriber achieve motherhood. She actually been in the struggle longer then I. I met her reading her blog. Then with my responses she started reading my blog. I have received encouragement and blessing from this woman I have never met. Knowing we have the same dream, and being there during each other walk to achieve that dream. The fact that I read her blog when I was thinking about having a baby. Now Ava will be two in a few weeks. Shows her desire has been a long time coming. I will contribute and if you feel it in your heart please do the same. The dream the struggle the desire to be a mother is very REAL!!! Here is the link Kristina becoming a mom
As a friend said I always have a project. I want to start a new blog. Focusing on true stories of my life. Change the names for the privacy. Also with no pictures of myself or any way to track me.
I need to do the research of how to make money with it. Which is the best platform. All this takes time I don’t have. As you can see I can barely keep up with this blog. Or my YouTube channel. Granted I have been posting a video once a week for several months. I think I am good through May. I am going to keep working on my dreams. I need to have outside interest to keep myself authentic. I can’t get lost in work and Ava and worries. I need an outlet that is just me.
That is why I wish I had a husband, or babies daddy. Or someone that can give me a real break. Not a babysitter, but someone else who has an interest in my daughter well being. I can wish life was that way. Clearly it is not.
I had a website before which I let fall apart. Due to the time it took to figure out how to maintain it. Also I am a good starter. I have so many started projects. I would be further along if I was a finisher.
I am waiting for The man to show up. I think it is not happening tonight. When it gets to late and he works all day he is going to bed. When I talked to him last he was on a job and said he will call me back. That was at 6:45. So we will see. If he isn’t here by 10pm then I am headed to bed. Or working on my many projects I need to finish. I only have time when Ava is asleep. Which I am dead tired also. I want to be successful I need to work at it.
What the hell is going on these days. So many people that were icon in my life dying. Prince was a major obsession of mine. My god sister and I watched Purple Rain so many times my god mother through out the VHS tape. It was the first time we saw boobs that weren’t our mom’s. Which unfortunately Apollonia from the movie is also dead at the same age 57.
I feel he was only 57. 57 doesn’t seem old to me. I am praying it isn’t a drug overdose. Meaning something he did to himself. This man had money, why would he do this to himself. It just shows me how blessed I am. I thank god I am hear every day. Life is not promised to anyone. That man only being 5’2 made a remarkable mark on this society. I hope I can do the something. I am a long way away, but keeping hope alive.