I have been in my night clothes all day. I love it, haven’t done this before in a long time. I have no where to go to day. Did the grocery shopping on Friday.
Ava loves just hanging around me. Climbing all over me and playing with her toys. She isn’t old enough or talking to say lets do this or that. I do need to finish working on someones resume. I am not really in the mood, but when I commit to something I get it done.
I am reliable. The man and I have been on a break for about a month. Even thought it was nice to have a man in my life. I was really excited about the prospects of having another baby.
I am not crazy and know I cannot afford another baby by myself. So at this point I am keeping hope alive. I am not upset to be alone at this moment. I still want to have a baby badly. When I wanted to get pregnant originally I was in the same circumstances. I was not ready financially. Living situation wasn’t ideal. But I had a dream and stayed focused. So that is what I am going to do with this second baby. God always has a plan for me.
Ok so since me and Mr Man are not stable. I am not sure if I want a second baby with him. If I was sitting on some cash, I would be at the fertility clinic and drop him from the equation.
The truth is I can’t afford a second child by myself. especially living in Massachusetts. I make to much to get any assistance with anything. Not enough to afford a standard of living I want for any children I have. So I am stuck. If I have a baby with him, getting rid of his ass would not be an option.
I have a few friends dealing with baby daddy drama. I hate drama. I also hate not being in control. I will not be in control if this is his child. His name on the birth certificate. Does my desire to have a child go beyond dealing with all these things. I am not sure. I am praying on it. Keep you posted.
We have been having issues. Like any other relationship I have been in. It has never been smoothed sailing. What he doesn’t understand. I don’t have to be in a relationship. I been alone longer then I have ever been with a man. Which I don’t like to be alone per say. I would like to have someone in my corner. If you seem more like a liability more then an asset then you can go. I can do bad by myself.
God has been great to me in my life. I have been blessed beyond my imagination. So if he doesn’t work out I am totally convinced if I am meant to be with someone he will show up. The funny thing is he won’t go away. With every blow up and I am like okay fine. He shows up in a few days changing his story. Now I do miss him with in those days.
I am resilient. My heart has been ripped out to the core by a man I love. I give myself a week. After that I can not sit in the bullshit of a man leaving. Or a relationship not working out. Shit happens not every man is for me. One door closes another one opens. God is good. I try to take the bullshit out of my memory and move the hell on. It might not work for other people, but it works for me.
I don’t know where this is going to go with The Man at this moment. We will see. If his pattern stays the same. I will hear from him sometimes this week. Talking a different story then yesterday. If not I will move on and live my life. It might seem cold to some, but there is nothing to be gain for misery over a man.