Ava will be starting preschool the day she turns 3. I can’t believe I had this little person for almost 3 years. This shit is crazy. I remember living in Atlanta area crying my ass off, feeling like a failure. How the hell can I not have a man and no baby. WTF was god doing to me. Yes, I called my mother crying like a big ass baby.
God gave me a child who looks just like me. He gave me the baby that I desired. He didn’t give me a perfect baby. We have been on a roller coaster for over a year with Ava diagnosis. I am getting more comfortable and positive and I might share soon. The details of what has been going on this past year.
It was hard for me to accept. Even though acceptance did not stop me for doing everything necessary for the benefit of Ava success. I know that sounds strange, to not accept but be overboard with all that needs to be done. A therapist told me yesterday you are not one of the parents I worry about getting anything done.
I coming close to acceptance and living in the solution not the fears. Living in fear has been a big part of my life. The why me, pity party, victim mentality. I fight those feelings all the time. Even fighting those feelings I do the next right thing. I had someone tell me a longtime ago give me great advice. Act as if you are strong until you are. Act as if things will be alright until they are. Act as if you love yourself until you do. So I practice acting as if and moving like my life is exactly they way I want it to be until it is.