Potty Time

I got Ava to pee on the potty five times. I don’t think she totally gets it. Since we are working the nonverbal at the moment. She looks at me crazy when I dance around because she has peed.

I was putting her on every 15 minutes at first. Then I moved to every half an hour. I think 15 minutes is better. I missed her peeing twice. Her therapist told me to wait until she is 3. Then we got a knew therapist who told me not to under estimate her. Which I feel she is right.

The hard part is my consistency. We will be working on it again this up coming weekend. I have several days off. Pray for me!!! LOL

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Missing my friends!!

My close friends are not in this state. I talk to them on the phone, but the shit is not the same. Even if I didn’t see them for months. We would get together and have fun. They were my date when no man was in my life. Friendship has always been my life line. I feel so disconnected from them being so far away. I call and try to get my friend time in. Because everyone has a busy life when I do talk to my various friends we are on the phone for hours. With having a child hours have been shorten because of Ava’s needs.

It is hard to get the friendships I use to have in Atlanta in Boston. This place is so different. It took me a long time to make friends in Atlanta. Literally years!! With Ava being my number 1 priority for many reason. Having time to find those friends is not easy. Also babysitting is not the easier thing. My mother feels family should be her only babysitter .Which would be nice if I had a big family. I also agree I can’t just leave my baby with anyone. So I wish I had a bigger family. Being an only child sucks. I have a bunch of step siblings, I am not close to all. I have half brother I haven’t seen in over 18+ years. I have a few cousins I am very close to. One is in Atlanta, another in D.C. and the last in Connecticut.

I don’t make friends easily. I meet people easily. To let someone in my world is not easy for me. I don’t censor anything I tell my friends. I tell them anything and everything. My aunt said when I make a friend I marry them. So yes I have walked down the isle with these people. I have divorced a few. I am trying to keep the rest for life.

Dating Fail!!

Well after two dates. I got a bullshit reason for why this is not going to work. I can’t say that I was totally surprised.

My mom said it didn’t seem like I like him that much. Ok he wasn’t the melting the panties. I did enjoy adult time. I would confess. I also feel it was a mismatch. Due to him being almost 40 with no children. I cannot drop my life to hang with him.

I can’t read that man’s mind to why he ended things. Nor is that my thing. I deleted his number from my phone and it is move on time.

I haven’t jumped back into dating. I will jump back online when I am in the mood. Probably after Christmas.

I didn’t buy much for Ava. She clearly isn’t that aware of the date. I bought her a toddler bed. Yes moving out of the crib, which is going to be my horror. I already know the fight to get her to sleep will be deep. Due to the lack of obstruction to get out of the bed. Which the crib would give me a few minutes to push her back in the bed. Once her bed is set up she can just step out of the bed.

I also got her a keyboard. The therapist said she loves music. Trying to find things this kids likes is hard. I swear if she could tell me what she wants I would go overboard.

I bought myself a bunch of scratch tickets for Christmas. I will be scratching them all on Christmas. I am not into it this year. I have put my little tree. I am not wrapping Ava presents. I felt the wrapping was more for me then her. I know, I am not even trying. Feeling a little blue about a few things.

I am blessed and I know I need to snap out of it. I am giving myself one more day to snap back. Things will work out. They always do!!!

Dating again!!

I met a guy online. We have went on two dates. First a lunch date. Then lunch and a movie. The movie was horrible. Then the strangest shit happened. I went to the bathroom after the movie. Came out and I couldn’t find his ass. I looked for about five minutes. All I could think, this dude left my ass at the movies. Don’t ask why I went straight to the negative.

I felt everyone was staring at me. I was walking in circles looking for him. I called a few times. went straight to answering machine. I decided to pick my pride up and walk to my car and go home.

I told myself while walking, I am not telling anybody this shit happen. It is so embarrassing. Then while I was driving he called me. Where are you. I said OMG I thought you left me at the movies. I am already on my way home.

Are wires must of crossed when I was looking for him. He was looking for me. Now thinking about it, I can find it funny. It was not funny at the time AT ALL.

We might do a couples massage for the next date. I think it is too expensive. I know I am not going to pay. I still don’t think he should pay that kind of money for date three. I am going to look for a Groupon or something.

I never dated his nationality before. They usually stick to there own. He says that is changing. Maybe so, I have know true knowledge of that culture. ¬†So it has really been interesting so far. Keeping hope alive for the future. My father said he is keeping hope alive that I still get married. I didn’t say it to my dad. So am I !!!

Scraping up a new car!!

First lets start with I have never had a new car in my life. This is my very first new car. My driveway is very small and I scraped my mirror in the first week of having the car.

Now today I scraped the wall again and the paint is scraped on the passengers side. In my defense I have been up at 2am two nights ago and 3am last night due to Ava waking up and wanting to party. I been a walking Zombie all day. Then my mother wanted me to move my car so she can clean up the yard. Then at almost 9pm she wanted me to move my car again so she could get her car out. Ok then I scraped up my car on the house. My mother knows I haven’t had any sleep.

It is not her fault I was the one driving. But damn I wanted to come home and relax. Not move car on demand. She won’t do it herself because she refuses to drive other peoples car. It is not her fault but I am still pissed off she had these things for me to do when she knew I had no sleep in two days.

She told me to wake her up when Ava pulls these all night parties. I know she has her all day so I don’t want to bother her. I only get her when I am on my last leg. The good thing about the car, it is not a lease. I will be driving that damn thing until the wheels fall off. So a few scrapes don’t matter. As long as I do the scraping. I am pissed at myself and I am starting to realize I am not the greatest driver. I went from a lot of room in Georgia to these tight roads and driveways and parking spots in Boston.

Pray for my sanity. It just a car, not my life thank god. I am thankful it was just a scrape to the paint no real damage.

I been here before!!!

I want another baby. I can’t afford another baby. I been here before when I original thought about being a SMC. I was in a house that was underwater and had a lot of debt. So I am still in debt but got rid of the house. Friends open up there home to me. Then I was offered a job that made a lot more money. God paved the way for Ava to be my child.

I am going to stay in pray for this second baby. If this second baby is not a reality in my life. I will appreciate my blessing my child. I begged god for me to be a mother and I am.

I need to be in a better financial situation to have another child. A relationship would be nice, but not holding my breath. There are things I want to do with Ava and for her to have. I want to find out what she enjoys, what she likes to do. I will be the parent to put her in everything possible. That is when she can follow directions. If I have another child at this moment affording that could be a struggle. I felt the same way before being able to TTC. So I am going to give it to god and let him pave the way if it is meant to be!!!