New Babysitter

So, now my dad has been enlisted as a babysitter. He did great. So I have lined him up for once a month. I think it will give him time to bond with Ava. Plus he has been lonely. His wife died over five years ago. I wasn’t her biggest fan. She did make it so I didn’t have to worry about my dad.

When he and my step sister lived a floor away from each other. I felt good about that. Now he lives in the same apartment complex with my step sister. Her kids have their own lives now. Dad is left in the dust. He does keep a schedule of things he does.

I love my father dearly. I will make sure for Ava and I to get out there. I was a little shocked, Ava didn’t’ care that I was gone. Which is a good thing, but hurt my feelings. #mommyproblems



When Ava is not feeling well, I feel horrible. Especially, since she cannot tell me what is wrong. So she has had diarrhea for two days. Which has created a crazy diaper rash? I swear I saw a little blood. All this scared me. I ran to Urgent Care. I was twenty minutes too late. So calling in sick to take my baby to the doctors. I can’t sleep on anything my baby needs.

I put it out to my Facebook group. Someone suggested I apply for FLMA. I think I am going to take advantage of that. I never want my being out for my daughter counting against me.

Clearly, she is uncomfortable. Whipping her is painful. I looked it up on WebMD. Why the hell did I do that? It said she might have an infection. My mother had a death trap car and doesn’t take Ava out by herself. So I have no other options to take her to the doctors. I am a solo mission in many ways. I wish I had a sister. I always wanted a good sibling.

I am still thinking of another baby. Granted the desire seems to fade every day. Especially with the challenges with Ava. God can do anything. I guess I need to pray more.


I do like making youtube videos. I just received another payment from youtube for my hobby of doing videos.

I decided to take my hobby seriously. I am updating all the tag and thumbnails. I have been working on it for two days. I have this plugin that I pay for the premium version. Tubebuddy!!! I paid for the service and haven’t been using it to its full potential. We all know I have had a lot on my plate.

I have 330 video’s in total. It was telling me to respond to comments. I gave them a thumbs up. I didn’t see a point of responding to a message from four years ago. I have only been trying to do this as a side hustle this year.

Wish me luck. I am sure this is going to take me a long time to get it together. Progress, not perfection.

Stride Rite closing

I have a mommy fail. In the hustle and bustle of life, I never seem to catch when she need new shoes. So it was at that time. I asked my dad what he thought. So feeling like a horrible mother I was going to make my way to Stride Rite. I will buy cheap clothes. I refuse to buy cheap shoes. I have feet that are hard on shoes.

I looked on my phone and the two Stride Rite I go to are permanently closed. I thought what the hell. Then I asked a friend and she said she went to one of the stores closing sales. My mother took my to Stride Rite when I was a baby. I can’t believe all these stores are closing. I don’t have a problem buying things online because I can’t stand shopping. Shoe stores need to stay. I want the clerk to measure my daughter’s foot and tell me I need another half size or wide shoe.

I went to an alternative and went to famous footwear. I didn’t like any of their choices. She needs velcro. The best thing for children shoes. Ava is jumping through these sizes. She has big feet. I have big feet. Her feet are not wide which is a blessing. I ended up buy a pair fro Payless just so she can have something not small on her feet until I invest in her shoes for the summer. I need to do better with the shoe stuff.

Adult Coloring Book

Stress is such a part of my life. Eating has become an Olympic sport. I put it out to my autism group on FaceBook. Someone suggested adult coloring book. I thought it was a great answer. I bought a few books which are under 6 bucks. Then I bought markers for 10 bucks and colored pencil. If you read my blog you know time is not on my side. In the past few weeks, I have used coloring for my stress.

I tend to color when Ava is asleep. I can put all my markers and color pencils on my bed and get to business. I don’t care how it looks. I told my mother about my project. She said “I wonder what you were doing in there” It does work. I have to say it helps the stress. I don’t’ have as much time as I wish I had.

It is a cheap hobby. If anyone one wants to give it a try. Let me know how it works for you.

Intense ABA Center

I am leaning towards ABA Center and rejecting preschool. Ava did get assigned to an ABA preschool. The whole IEP process has been filled with stress. Also not feeling I am doing the right thing. Put into a position of having to deal what you are given without much of choice on my part.

Being told from Early Intervention the school system gave Ava a lot of services. I don’t give a damn what they gave her. I am the mother that needs her to get what she needs not what was given.

I took a day off to go to an Autism event. April is Autism awareness month and it was April vacation so there were a lot of events for the kids. Ava loves the trampoline place. So I decided it was worth a day off. My friend, we will call her Jill. She came with her daughter. She shy and no one would use the word shy to describe me. Jill watched the girls while I socialize. Due to my gift of gab and the lovely woman holding the even Jill and I actually got in for free. The generosity of the organizers.

I started to talk to one lady who was clearly not interested in communicating. Not an issue for me, I gave her a smile to her grimace and moved on. Then the woman who gave us the free tickets introduce me to another woman. We will call her Ann. Ann was just what we needed and god sent. She didn’t live far from me. She told me she wasn’t feeling the public schools and put her child in an Intense ABA center. She talked and talked. She thought she was talking too much. I was hanging on every word that came out of her mouth. Then I said I would find her on facebook. Can you believe when I tried to add her it said she had to many friend request? LOL Damn how many people want to be her friend. She is gorgeous so probably a lot.

So I sent her a message and she friended me. She sat on IM with me and gave me numbers emails of people to contact to move me forward. When All this comes together I am buying both those women a gift. To let them know I appreciate them in a way I just can’t put into words.

I went to visit the ABA center. Can I say I looooved it. I knew in my heart this was the right decision. Jill went with me and she wants her daughter to go also. We didn’t even let her finish her power point presentation. So whoever is reading this please pray for my little girl. I need everything to work on for her to go here. It is paid by the insurance. I am working on secondary insurance from the state. They would pay for transportation to the center. I am praying and I am asking everyone I talk to for prayers. It felt so right I need her in this place.

Gifted Movie Review

I liked this movie. It ended up being one of those feels good kind of things. Ava and I went to my father house to set up his new smart TV. Then he offered to babysit. He even gave me a movie pass.

There was nothing I really wanted to see. I surely didn’t want to see Fast and Furious 8. I think I have only seen 3 of the previous Furious movies. I love movies like Bruce Wills Die Hard. I am not into fast cars and things blowing up. So Gifted was one of the movies playing at 11:30 am on a Saturday morning.

It was a pretty bland story. Not to exciting. They could have had a few more zingers from the little girl. The few she did do fell flat to me.

This could have been an entertaining lifetime movie honestly. It isn’t worth the expensive cost of movie tickets. If you have a free ticket or wait to it hit Redbox it is worth a viewing. I would have been upset if I paid the expensive price of a ticket. I didn’t pay for the expensive popcorn. I should have snuck some in under my jacket. I didn’t’ have time and I don’t get too out much. My father said he would have suffered through the movie with no snacks.

It wasn’t a bad movie it wasn’t Oscar worthy. If you have some time to kill and looking for a tear jerker feel good movie. It is worth a watch.

Autism parent challenge

We had a great day. Then randomly at 3 pm as she is watching the TV and tablet simultaneously. She starts crying hysterically. I jump to attention to see what happened. Usually, when the tablet goes dead she is in a bad way. The tablet was on and she was screaming. I pick her up to lay her down to check for any injuries. No injuries that I see.  I gave her some Tylenol. Which is what I do when she is really fussy.

It might seem crazy, but if she has a head ace or anything she can’t tell me. The screams got louder and I didn’t’ know what the hell was wrong. I rubbed her back. I laid with her. As she screamed and cried for an hour and a half.

Then I thought what if it is gas? That can be painful as hell. What do I give her that I actually have in the house? Well, I tried to give her tums. She spits it out. Can’t blame her that chalky mess does not taste great. Screaming for another half an hour. I mixed my diet ginger ale with water. Not that she was on a diet, but it was all I had in the house.

She wasn’t feeling it. It then put ginger ale in a syringe and gave her two shots. Didn’t go over well but I got them in. Still crying for another half then I finally heard a burp. Cries on and off for another half and hour and now she is good.

I am totally traumatized she is fine like none of this happened. Being a parent to a nonverbal autistic three-year-old is not for wimps. The diagnosis was a year ago and I am still feeling ill equipped for all this. I will keep trying my best, that is all anyone can do.