Baby when stars align!!

I can not have another baby in my present situation. Kids are expensive and I am not living the lap of luxury. Now if the money came into my life. I would have an appointment ready for my first insemination. Then I could my own place and a nanny.

Ava having special needs it would take everything in me to have another baby. Now if I had a partner to take up the slack it could be possible. Granted there are a lot of partners that don’t help with the kids at all. My lack of dating doesn’t put that option at the front of the list.

Do I desire another baby yes? Do I desire the lack of sleep and all that goes into an infant? I would have to say no. Another little face to love. Hell yes, I wouldn’t mind that at all. Ava to have someone in life with her. I would sign up for a min if the stars aligned.

The money would bring a nanny I could trust (hopefully). I have a hard time trusting anyone. Right now Ava major meltdowns are dealt with by my mother. She is very spoiled. Her meltdowns start with being spoiled and clearly turn into something different. With the hitting herself and screaming and her whole body raging all over the place.

It hard to make her calm down at this point. My mother got it down pack. With her chanting what is wrong with nanny baby. Come with nana and lay with me. She gives her whatever she wants to get her to calm down. Even though I don’t want to give in. It sets a bad precedent. When she is to the extreme of her meltdown you have no other choice. Our tenants on the first floor go to bed about 8pm. These events of meltdowns usually happen after 9pm.

Even though the tenants are not my favorite people. We are trying to be respectful to others. Would I want to include another child in this? I think I could handle it with help. Whether that be family or paid help.

When I decided to be a single mother by choice. I had no money and an upside-down loan on a house. The stars aligned and now I have Ava. Now what I imagined but I prayed to be a mother and I am that.

We will see if the stars align again!!

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