Baby Project #15

The two-week wait is torture  The expenses are totaling up. I am trying not to worry about them. I hate being in debt. I had a few pains in my breast. I hope that means what I want it to mean.

I am at work, having a hard time concentrating. I actually talked to my father again about my insemination. He said he wished me luck. I still think he would rather I got left by some man. Then do this process.

I read the single mother by choice forum. I have to say I am a little jealous. Not all but some have high-powered jobs. I know I wasn’t ambitious in pursuing employment. I just wanted my bills paid. I do alright but I wouldn’t call it high-powered.

It is funny a lot of women put their career on hold for children. I have to say I wasn’t one of those people. I always felt I had a job not a career. It is a career but since I don’t enjoy it, I feel it is a job. To keep food on the table and roof over my head. I am appreciative for my job. I don’t have much baby thoughts today. All to say I am praying for good news!!!

 

Baby Project #11

Ovulation Predictor Kits

Went to the doctors and I have three follicle ( eggs). She did the ultrasound without saying too much. She waited until after pushing that thing all around my VJAY.

So they are not big enough yet. She wants to trigger my ovulation on day 12. I usually ovulate day 11 according to them. Day 10 according to me. Granted I have no idea how there counting is done. I seem to be a day off. So this means I need to check my ovulation. If I get the smiley face earlier then they predict I will be having the insemination that day and the next day. Yes two insemination one day a part.

I asked her if I would need the trigger shot even if I ovulate on my own. She said she would still give it to me. I didn’t totally understand why, but I am going with it.  So they had the discussion (very brief) about multiples. I do have three follies up there. Hey I am praying for my twins. So was half listening. It was very in and out see you next time type of appointment. I was so spacey on the way back to work I went the wrong way. I could have been to work about 15 minutes earlier.

I swear I got everyone praying for me. I am going to my acupunturist this weekend. I was going to go shopping tonight for clothes. I need to be home at 8pm to take my letrozole. I am trying my best to stay on point.

I also got two shots of Menopur.  I have no idea what that is supposed to do. Granted I am sure I got the paper work some where. It has been so hard to wrap my head around this. I am looking at this prayer on my computer. Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything.

God please send me my children!!! I am praying at my desk. TGIF!!! I am so ready for the weekend. Next week will be a big week for me. INSEMINATION WEEK!!!!

TGIF!!!

I am so happy it is Friday. I been feeling like I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I am sleeping in tomorrow. My cousin is in town for the weekend. He stayed with me last night. He put together my desktop today. Not it isn’t hard but my lazy ass haven’t done it. I am going to acupuncture  Hopefully will attempt my taxes. Get some rest and enjoy life.

You will not believe I won another 60 bucks on my scratch tickets. I didn’t scratch all the ones I bought. You know my gambling self reinvested. This is fun and risky and stupid at the same time  I was in the store and a woman told me she won 10k not to long ago.

The one thing I can say about scratch off. You have just as much chance as anyone else. So Yes I have reinvested the money I have won. I am up to 460 bucks. But each time I have bought myself lunch. Kept 20 bucks out the deal. I haven’t contributed any additional money then what I won. Now I can’t say that when I usually purchase these things.

My co-worker told me I am on a winning streak and need to keep playing. I know he said that because he is just as addicted as I am. Granted I am not using bill money or savings to play. That is where I draw the line.

I met a new guy online. He seems interesting. Since I been online so long I don’t get caught up in it. I always keep hope alive. You truly never know. I am debating about taking soy is0flavones with my femara when I TTC. I haven’t decided yet. I am so trying to stack the deck. Acupuncture  DHEA, COQ10, Dirt Tea, Soy Is0flavones. I am doing everything I can!!!

Life Begins!!

I got the promotion. A sizable raise more vacation and an office. I am beyond happy. The whole change of my plans was not expected at all. The fact that my boss went to another company. My boss, boss gave her notice in anger. Now I have a great flexible boss with money and extra vacation. I made plans, god took over and gave me things I would have never have imagined.

The first thing I did was make my appointment at the Feminist Women’s Center. It is time to get on the ball with baby making. A friend of mine asked me to go on vacation as my present to myself for my promotion. I said no, I am working on having a baby. She called me a miser. Which I am, but that isn’t the point. I been obsessed about having a baby for over a year and a half. Crying and upset because I had no idea how I was going to afford it.

The stars have aligned and things are coming into place. I praying to get pregnant quick with twin girls. I know it is crazy. It is crazy for it to come out of my mouth. I still want it. Ultimately I want a healthy baby or babies. Regardless or gender or amount.

I am scared and ready to being this journey. I am trying to decided if I am going to discuss this on my YouTube channel. Why not??? I guess I don’t know if I am ready for any back lash.

I experienced some single mother by choice prejudice this weekend. I saw a sign for an acupuncturist. It was down the street from my house. I went in and asked about the fertility acupuncture. He asked me a large amount of question. He thought I was a lesbian. Which he didn’t seem to happy about. Then when I told him I was doing this alone and was not gay. He gave me a IUI doesn’t work speech. Which sounded to me you don’t want to help anyone who is not in a traditional family. I was very put off and amazed because this has never happened before. I will drive to my acupuncturist where I feel accepted and taken care of. Now I know the distance of that drive is totally worth it. This clearly is the beginning of the prejudice I will experience going forward. I have to tell you the people at my job who know now will be the only people I tell.

When I come in pregnant and I start getting questions. My answer will be he is not around and I don’t want to talk about it. I am not the free type with facts about my life. So this should not be unusual. Plus I have known problem being rude when it comes to people asking about my personal life. I got the feeling they thought I was a lesbian with all the questions about the men in my life. If I am or not is none of their business. I am a single heterosexual woman. They are always boggled why I am single. My boss, boss would always make these comments of finding me a man. It kind of pissed me off. Relationships are hard and people get divorced all the time. Why am I considered strange. I am the asshole attractor. That is my title if a guy is an asshole he is attracted to me. Such is life. I am not looking back I am looking forward to my future. GOD please let this happen quickly and with no complications. That is my prayer now!!!

 

Boring Sunday!!

I am home on a Sunday afternoon. I am doing absolutely nothing. I need to get a hobby. My roommates are at church. My roommate mom is upstairs. I am down in the living room watching a corny romantic comedy that I have seen before. The dogs are enjoying my company. Lucky them!!

I changed my profile back to Georgia. I might be optimistic. They haven’t offered me the job. Well corrections they have offered me the job they haven’t met my salary terms. I am not excited for a promotions or the extra responsibilities. I am looking forward to ttc with less financial stress.

I have to say I am a little disappointed that my move is delayed. I was looking forward to going back to Boston. Get back in with family and friends I left. I wasn’t looking forward to the cold and snow at all. New experiences was on my agenda of excitement. I guess I have to make that happen here. There has been some stress where I am living. I am not going to go into that in this blog. I am hoping it calms down and there is more peace.

With this  job comes a comfort level at the job. I know the politics and how the place works.  I wouldn’t be the new person having morning sickness and needing days off.

I started acupuncture again. I went on Friday. I told her I was beginning my fertility treatments soon. I was relaxed after the treatment. I actually felt my ovaries pounding. Hopefully they are getting prepared for baby making. I couldn’t have planned all this in my life. The twist and turns is not predictable at all. I am praying I get the job with the salary I want, and get pregnant quickly.

I am back!!

I have been MIA for a little while. I have been busy with a few things. My aunt and I had a great time. How can you love someone who drives you completely crazy. I love my aunt but she can drive anyone to drink. It is her way all the time. She doesn’t like to hear the words no. Which as an adult and not a child I can say when I want.

She is the type to sit in a store for hours. I am not. I left her in a store and had to pick her up later. I had other things to do. She also feels that if she buys you things you owe her in a way. I don’t play that game at all. I am me period. No matter what you purchase. I didn’t ask you to buy me anything so it is up to you if you do so. I have to say again I do love this woman. But she is very controlling. After the first day or arguing because she wanted to tell me what to do every few minutes we got into a groove and had a great time. The first night she called her son and said I kept yelling at her.

It took her literally two hours to get ready in the morning. We were late. To something she set up for us to do. I never seen someone take two damn hours to wash your ass and get dressed. I was done and sat there for an hour waiting for her. Did I mention I am not the most patient person. She said I am just like my mother. Which I am, we get up get ready and out the door. This is my mother’s twin sister. Every time my mom goes somewhere with her she says “She better not be late and have me waiting”. I called my mom the first day. She said is she acting up yet. So clearly we all know my aunts antics.

We went to the MLK center, acupuncture, met my roommates, Ate out a lot, went shopping. So we did a lot in four days. Then I took Monday off for myself. She said maybe I can come back for acupuncture again. I said it interesting that you come visit 10 years after your last visit. When I no longer have a home and now you have to stay in a hotel. Yes the last time she was here was ten years ago. I never said my family made any kind of sence.

Other than that I went on a date two days ago. Shocking!!! This guy I met in 2008 sent me an email.

I was at a club for a friend’s birthday in 2008. This handsome guy was infatuated with me.  The problem I had been he was 5’8. I am six-foot in my flat feet. I had heels on that night which made me 6’2. So I thought it was that short man fetish. Yes short men love me for some reason. He was very persistent, but I blew him off and left the club. Fast forward a few years. He ran into me online. The world is so small with the internet involved. I don’t remember what happened but we talked for a little. I guess I lost interest and that just faded.

Now two days ago. I get an email from him. I was thinking about you. I thought damn I was thinking about him to. Due to the fact now I live on his side of town. I been looking for a friend to hang with until I move. It was his birthday and he wanted to go out to dinner. I told him I felt bad. I really didn’t have the money to take him out to dinner. Wasn’t in my budget. I spent a lot of money with my aunts visit. He said no problem he would take me he wanted the company.

Okay so we had dinner. It was nice. I went for broke and told him my baby plans and the whole deal. He said if you would have given me a chance we could have been married and had our kids right now. Yeah, sounds good but we don’t even know each other. He has a tall girl fetish and that is what is fueling this attention towards me. He isn’t that talkative. But a lot of men are not. I invited him to my friend’s birthday party. She said she needed more men. I thought why not. Then yesterday I text him and asked him if he wanted to go the two dollar movie with me on Sunday. He said yes. Well other than a text I haven’t heard from him.

I never said I didn’t want to be married and have my children that way. I am not going to take just anything to do it. I can get over the height thing. But our personalities need to mesh. Also I am sick of lack of attention from men. So we will see if he puts in the effort or what. I have my plan A. If he want to make himself a strong plan B we will see.

I plan to be out of here in five months. We will see what happens. We make plans god laughs. I guess I need to be more optimistic!!!!

600+ Million dollars!!

Mega Millions logo

Mega Millions logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The lottery is going crazy. I have to say I thought I would be worse. I bought two tickets and I am in the lottery pool at work. I have not had the urge to buy a whole bunch of tickets. I guess I know the statistics of me winning is so damn week.

I did win on one of my scratch tickets. I haven’t looked at what I won yet. It is funny a co-worker 15-year-old son told her she had better odds with scratch tickets. From the mouth of babes. He is totally right in my opinion.

I am so damn happy it is Friday!!! I can’t wait to get off work. I don’t know why I am in a rush. I have a class that starts at 8am Saturday morning. It is a get my life together type of class. So I am going to be there with bells on.

Mr Shitty paints and I will have to hit the bed early for a Friday night!! I keep thinking about Massachusetts. How my life will change and what will happen when I get there.

When I make a choice to do something I want it now. I don’t have an ounce of patients!! I keep reading about women having fertility issues. Women who are younger than I am. I need to stop filling my head with negativity. I haven’t even started the process yet!!

When I get out of my house I am starting acupuncture again for sure!!

Depression again!!

I know I suffer from depression. I had doctors tell me it isn’t severe enough to go on medication. I am grateful for that. It still no fun to deal with.

I was so excited about the process of getting rid of my house. Then when I found out I needed to be in default to even be considered. It just took me for a tail spin. I talked to one of my single mother by choice friends. She said it perfectly. I am sick of being responsible. I am responsible for everything in my life. All my choices affect me and only me. I would love a partnership. A co counsel on my life and decisions.

I know it is what it is. Bitching about it won’t change it.  Depression brings food and I know I gained back all I have lost. I know I have lost my sanity with every bite. I have to get it together.

I am going back to my program for food this week. I can at least go back home slim and trim and feeling good. These 30 damn pounds seem so impossible. Just like my unmanageable life. I know some of this is self-created drama. The poor me’s. Other than this blog I really haven’t expressed it to anyone. It just goes around and around in my head. I need to let it out.

On a brighter note I am miss popular on the dating site when I switched it to Massachusetts. I really wasn’t expecting that. It is a bit of an ego boost.

Now I am obsessed with insemination stories on YouTube. THey are mostly lesbian couples. The story have gotten me hooked. Now I am following their pregnancies week to week. I am trying to keep my body ready for when I am ready to do my insemination. I am taking a prenatal, DHEA. I am going to go back to acupuncture when I get out of my house.

I miss the acupuncture. I need to relax, and the acupuncture did help. The DHEA is giving me side affects. I didn’t realize it until my friend mention another friend was dealing with the side affects. I have acne and my hair is falling out. Thank god I have enough hair on my head to go around so it doesn’t make a difference. Also extra hair growth. I haven’t really noticed that thank god.

I bought another scratch ticket today. I am really going to have to work on this!!

Acupuncture, My second visit

The stress of life was getting to me.  I needed to relax. I decided today was a great day for my second visit. I am glad they have walk in appointment.

This time I couldn’t control it. I fell asleep on the table. I have no idea when that happened. The pins were stuck in. I felt a few more than the last time. He came in out of the room several times. One of his exists from the room I was out like a light. He came back in and woke me. I was so shocked I fell asleep. I was beyond relaxed. The next step was the heat around my feet. Then last but, not lest the ultimate backrub. He used the hot rocks again.

I have to say a successful appointment. I told her I have no idea if I was pregnant or not. So I was given more herbs to take. I know there are great benefits that come with acupuncture. The pure relaxation is top on my lists of pluses. I have been at many fertility seminars. They all promote acupuncture. They mention the higher success rates with IVF. Fertility clinics have clear cut numbers of the increased success with acupuncture.  That is only because that is their bread and butter.

I have also read circumstances where it has help the infertile achieve pregnancy. I went there solely for that purpose. The benefits so far have out weighted my originally purpose. I was so stressed yesterday. There were various family and personal issues going on. One big one being I haven’t heard from my boyfriend in three days.  The family issues I don’t even want to get into.

After getting out of the acupuncture I called my aunt. She commented on how great I sounded in comparison to yesterday.  I have to say I do feel a whole lot better. Then the boyfriend called on my way home. I heard every third word. Clearly his cell phone is broken again. I did not get to talk to him but it put my mind in great ease. He didn’t drop off the face of the earth. He didn’t really have a way to contact me. This has happened before. I have no idea where he is, his job drags him across three states. He did make three attempts to get through which all had too much static for me to actually talk to him.

When I left the acupuncture I met a woman who was leaving at the same time. She said she had been coming to this office since 2007. She said she brought her mother to visit who was walking on a cane. After the appointment she walked the entire day without the cane. I was so impressed with her testimonial. I decided I will continue this therapy even after pregnancy.

Acupuncture

I am in love!!! I wish I knew about this before. A friend gave me a referral to her acupuncturist. She used it for her IVF cycle. It was also very reasonable $50.00 for the initial consultation, and $45.00 for each additional visit. I didn’t know what to expect. I was game and ready for my appointment. I have to admit I was nervous.

He explained the whole process then left the room for me to get ready. I did feel the needles but they didn’t hurt. The needles were put in my abdomen and my feet. Several were put in my wrist. Then he turned on some light music and left the room for twenty min.

I was so relax. My eyelids were getting heavy. I was shocked I stayed awake until he got back. The next step was heat he used around my feet and ankles. Then I had a deep back massage with oils.  He rolled hot rocks up and down my back. Talk about heaven.

I would have to say that was worth more than $50.00 in my book. I do appreciate the low price. I left there with an acupuncture addiction. I know I am going back.  I wish I could go once a week. The budget would not handle that at the moment. I digress!!!

I was told I had good CHI. I am not sure what that means. It sounded good. They seemed to have no reservations about me getting pregnant. I was also given herbs to help me with ovulation.

I purchased Clear Blue Easy Ovulation Kit. Damn it was expensive!!  I ran into to my neighbor and told him about my acupuncture appointment. He said “you are not playing about having a baby”.  I told him I am trying to make this happen. I wish it was easier and not so stressful. I need to stop reading these blogs on women with fertility issues. Hopefully the acupuncture will help me relax. I plan to go back next week.