Autism Center Update

I ended up in a meeting with a lot of people to discuss my complaints. I tried to defuse the situation, in the beginning, to say I love this place, I just have some concerns. Well, there were great outcomes from this meeting.

They will send home better updates. They are sending me a copy of the PEC they are using home. I am going to go in for more parent training. They implemented it right away.

Then there were a few things that happened in that meeting that pissed me off. Granted I had to play diplomate. They are the only game in town with this kind of program. I am in a rock in a hard place.

I was told twice if they weren’t doing what I needed they would help me find someplace else. Also, it was brought up that Ava could be intellectually disabled. Which pissed me off. In this journey of autism.  I have asked that question to several therapists. I always got a no. Due to her being there 10 months and that was never stated before. I feel it was bullshit to shift accountability.

Several other things made me upset. I left that meeting feeling beaten and mistreated. It wasn’t anyone working directly with my child. Granted they backed her up which felt happened due to her being the big boss.

I did not let her totally roll over me. What I stated is anyone in this room stating my child is intellectually disabled. She said no we can’t make that diagnosis. Then it shouldn’t have been mentioned in that setting in my view.

I don’t know this woman personally. I have been in this position, and I felt the same way. Some white people do not want to be questioned by minorities. I really thought she was trying to put me in my place. In a way, I took some of the bullshit. I wasn’t going to let my pride destroy what my daughter needs.

I also called them on the carpet for the blanket statements about my child with no validated reason. I said she also equally learn slow. Which they agreed. I still love her center. Even though I was not feeling upper management.

The changes were made I am happy with that outcome. I talked to several parents, and they implemented the changes across the board. So my mouth has made it happen. It didn’t go on deaf ears.


Additional Speech Therapy

It is no secret I want my child to start talking. I called the insurance for additional speech therapy. Hopefully, I haven’t written about this before. My mind is in the clouds, and it is hard to keep up.

I found a speech therapist for the weekends. She is doing the evaluation on Ava coming soon. Then my Saturday’s at 11 will be taken up with that appointment. I told her to be honest with me. If she feels Ava case is above her head. I don’t want to waste my time or hers.

I am looking forward to the appointment. She said I will be in a few sessions with Ava. Then I will see through the glass. I really don’t care as long as she makes headway of her talking. Her autism center speech therapist wasn’t insulted by her additional appointment. I brought it up at a meeting. She said great to give her my information, and we can work together.

I thought that was great. I feel my child’s voice is in there.

Transportation Issues AGAIN!!!

My life is a never-ending stream of issues. The Autism Center called me and stated the driver didn’t know how to put the car seats in. Just call me transportation coordinator. I tend to harass the transportation company at every turn. The other mother is very laid back. I asked her how she does it. She said anti-anxiety meds. I said shit I might need what she is taking.

Oh, and they said he was rude to there staff. So I created a group text with the owner and the other mother to complain. The other mother said, please don’t send him again she didn’t think it was a good fit. I was so pleased she stated it, so I didn’t have to.

I also like we have a direct connection to the owner of this company. That is also thanks to the other mother. I have such guilt that I can’t drive my child to and from school. I only use this service because I have no other choice. It is also a blessing because I don’t pay for it.

God has blessed my child in so many ways. I need to take heed of that. I feel like I fight endlessly for everything she needs. I want her to talk so desperately I am willing to take the fight as far as I can. Her safety is my number one priority, so I am on that transportation companies ass.

I was waiting for her on Friday. She was late it was raining could be traffic. Of course, I called, and he didn’t’ say hello. He started with she is late due to traffic. I like that they are scared of me. It means they won’t fuck with my kid or me.

Wellbutrin Allergy

I have a lot going on. Mainly all the things I discuss on this blog. With several more issues, I don’t mention. Not that I don’t want to share. It is hard to type out my thoughts when I have them.

I was in my doctor’s office crying. I am fat and depressed. My depression leads to my eating. I was sharing about my child and situation, and she totally understood. This would be the last time I would be seeing this particular doctor because she is going to a different field.

We decided on Wellbutrin. A low dose and I would follow up with my new doctor. Well, the low dose was doing it thing. I was more awake and actually have many good days. So I met with my new doctor, and we decided to increase the dosage. I know I am an addict. If this works more must work better. Well after a week I wish I didn’t have those thoughts. I broke out in hives all over my body. Red itchy bumps.

I looked on the internet finding that to be one of the side effects. I couldn’t sleep my skin felt like it was on fire. It was the worst. Online they said it could last for weeks. Of course, it did. I went to urgent care got a steroid shot and a steroid pack to take. Nothing would work. I bought Allegra, Clariton, Zyertec. The only thing that would help was Benadryl. Which made me tired as hell. It was tired or scratch my body uncontrollably.

Urgent care told me to stop taking the medication immediately. I think I am done with the antidepressant thing. Am I depressed yes I am? That rash almost took me over the edge. I am very sensitive to medications. I can’t do it. A friend said try Prozac. I told her no thank you I am done.

So Impressed

Ava and I went to an Autistic superhero party. Ava spends a lot of time under the table. thumbnail_20180407_153022 The highlight of the day. I finally connected with an Autism Mother I noticed at a few events. She had a daughter that is seven. She was parked next to me when I was leaving. The next day we talked for almost an hour and a half.  I asked her when her daughter started talking she said six. I mentioned how did it happen. What she said was crazy. She said they were in the park, and she was telling the other kids, her daughter doesn’t talk, but she is really friendly.

The little girl looked at her mother and said MOM I DO TALK. What I meant was that the first thing she ever said. She said yes. Not the only impressive story. At the event, I gave one of the mothers Ava Super Girl costume. It is to small for her so I thought I would gift it. It always feels better to give to someone you see then giving it to Goodwill.

I asked her about her daughter’s eating habits. She said her daughter is very picky. She only likes peanut butter sandwiches with peanut butter one side of the bread not made into a sandwich. I was confused. I asked how did you figure that out if she doesn’t talk. She said she was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Right before she was to merge the two parts the little girl who does not speak said I don’t want that.

I was like damn. The mother almost fell to the floor. We don’t know what amazing children can do. I am waiting for those words out of my child’s mouth.

Autism Center Conflicts

Let me start with I love Ava Autism Center. I really like what they do and how devoted they are to the children. That being said I know my child. I know I need to trust in the process. As I said prior that food therapist shut me up in a big way.

I went to the center for training. The BCBA said he doesn’t think Ava can differentiate between pictures. I told him I disagree. The prior ABA noted she can distinguish between 50 photos. Now I never got the vibe she could do 50 pictures. They did show me things I was impressed with. The problem is Ava doesn’t have a lot of things that drive her.

Meaning candy, food, etc. She is big on the tablet, hugs, and people touching her. She also likes the song. So he said will she take a consolation prize. Meaning she wants you to sing a particular song and you sing another song will she care. I said no she will not. Which is something I love about my child? For the most part, she is happy and low key. She is not that rigid that if she gets something different, she will fall out. Now with the tablet yes that is full-fledged on the floor kicking and screaming.

I asked him where is the book from the prior ABA. He gave it to me I handed it to Ava. She flipped through the book and picked the tablet. I said to see if she didn’t discriminate she would have chosen anything. Then I took the tablet picture out the book and handed it to her again. She flipped through it and picked nothing. So if she couldn’t discriminate she would have chosen anything.

He saw my point. I picked out the six pictures of things Ava like. The rest she didn’t care about. So hopefully we made some headway. I feel they do not push the children. They cry that is it. My child is smart. I cry, and they will leave me alone and not make me do anything.

I am going to stay wholly involved at every turn. I am fully aware we need to work together. I feel Ava is brilliant. The fact that Ava has no words is the roadblock to us knowing her abilities.

I started letting her figure it out. Instead of assuming she can’t do it. The first example is the carseat. My dad bought her a Carseat that can grow with her. It is big and bulky and now having almost 4 year old I would have gotten the smaller verision. So this carseat never leaves my car. I would always pick her and put he in the carseat. Now I say get in her seat.

Now she goes and attempts to get in her carseat. I help on occasion, but I give her time to figure it out.

I feel there is a wall in front of my daughter. I can see her through a window and that is how we communicate. I need to find the key to the door that separtes us.

Doing more!!!

I know everyone gives me praise for doing the most for my child. I do not feel I am doing enough. It is a deep feeling that I need to be doing a whole lot more. I talked to the head of the Autism nonprofit I am a part of. She said me and my friend K the other autism mom. Jumped in with both feet. She said she has met many who do not take charge the way we do.

I am always kind of shocked about parents that don’t’ go the extra mile for there kids. I should not be appalled at all my parents in no way went the extra mile for me.

Ava was the gift God blessed me with. I asked and pleaded with God to make me a mother. He did it. I have to do all I can do to get my child to the next level. I have to stay faithful I will hear words.

The food therapist showed me a chair that I have purchased.71R-40DHDvL._SX522_Ava doesn’t want to sit too long. Well with this she will have no choice. We are going to get to work. I am going to make a learning time every day. So I can be a part of her success of getting to the next level. My friend K said we can do it together also. Like a little preschool class. I am down with that. Her younger child is typical, and I suggested he is a part. Then he can help the girls to advance forward.

I feel Ava can be doing more. So I am about to put myself in the line of fire to prove that. I can’t not rest and wait for everyone else to make it happen with my child. Now I will admit I have no idea what the hell I am doing. I am going to have to educate myself and hopefully find resources to do this.


Itching like I have fleas

Ok, why ME is the question of the day?. I moved up to 300mg of Welburtrin and I broke out into these crazy hives. I started itching my skin so bad. It has been horriable. I have made so many visits to Walgreens to try and find something to stop the itch.

I ended up at urgent care and they gave me a shot of steriods and steroid pack to take at home. I am done with anti-depresants. I email the doctor and told him urgent care told me to stop the pills immediatly. He said to go down to the lower dose. I said hell, not I will not. You can’t keep that bullshit pill.

I will have to admit. That pill was the bomb. I was feeling great. It made me pep up. Not sleepy at all. The after shocks was not worth it. I haven’t been able to sleep for weeks. The only thing that works is Benadryl. I am tired as hell with the Benadryl tirediness. It is either be tired or itch. So I am just tired. I take Benadryl before I go to bed. I wake up five hours later itching. I then have to take some more. This shit is so horrible, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. After a week the itching is subsiding but not gone by any means.

I never really been into to taking to many pharmercicals. I am going to stick to that and have to work through my issues another way.

God help me!!!

The hug monster!!!

My childlike hugs. It is her obsession. I know it has to do with her sensory processing issues. She likes the pressure against her body. She requests hugs a lot. Especially with the young white guys at the autism center.

I went in and the new therapist said Ava took her hugs picture and went to everyone in the autism center and request it a hug. They thought it was the cuties thing. Yes, it is cute. I don’t know how I feel about my child all over people.

We went to the doctor and she tried to get in the male physician assistance lap. My knee was hurting so I couldn’t get her before she made him completely uncomfortable. I made a joke about it, she really likes guys. He gave me a look that made me embarrassed. I don’t know him so I let it go. Every time I go to this urgent care I never see the same doctor twice.

Ava is a happy kid most of the time. She is extremely spoiled and when she doesn’t get her way she acts a straight fool. Which I am not here for that foolishness. I am blessed that most day she has a smile on her face.

It is interesting that she rides with another little girl every day. Ava still looks at her like she is a perfect stranger. Granted the little girl told her mother that Ava is her friend. Ava actually has friends!!!

This day was the worst!!

Ok yes, I am waiting to hit it big on youtube. The more subs come significant problems. I would like to make Youtube passive income. My 1400 subscribers are not going to make that happen.

It is better than the 200 I had a year ago. Now I decided to go big or go home. I have subscribed to a few things to help me with my social media presence. I feel like a teenager would have made it easier.

The one teenager at my disposal said she is not big on social media. My shit luck there. I paid for this site to help increase my twitter following that in turns would push my Youtube channel. It worked in a way. I got some exciting guys on my youtube channel now. I would have never thought they would be in my content, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I also invested in a Grammarly to help with my major grammar issues. I wanted this blog to read better. I hope you guys noticed the difference. I also need help with the grammar of my book. The book that has been on hold due to time for a few months.

I take one Saturday a month to work on Youtube filming. I got a new Canon T7i for my birthday. It wasn’t the camera I wanted. Amazon third party made a mistake and gave me the more expensive camera. 200 bucks more expensive.

I thought that was a great mistake. The camera I originally wanted had a pretty cool auto mode, so you didn’t have to be a camera connoisseur. Now the T7i is a beast with a lot of options that is killing me to figure out. Especially when you have a toddler who wants a hug every five minutes want to climb on you every ten minutes.

I had it connected to my phone so I could remote use the camera through my cell phone. My ass forgot I got a new cell phone. Samsung s9 and it was not connected. Something that should have taken ten minutes. Took an hour and a half. Then I filmed eight videos. Downloaded them and found them all to be blurry. I thought WTF!!!


Eight videos that I couldn’t post. There had been so much time since I last filmed I didn’t remember what the hell to do. So I decided to film them over. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t miss my personal promise to have two videos a week. Well, they are in focus, but they are darker than I like. I did the same thing four times.

Not only did it seem impossible. I will be posting these darker videos. I felt like an awful mother because Ava was like pay attention to me. I also broke the screen of one of her tablets. Yes, she has two. When one dies, she gets the other. Don’t come for me. dont judge me lady gaga GIF-source I have to keep her occupied sometimes. A lot of the time.  I am getting caught up with my various projects. 3 min and I am heading to the bathroom again. I have to stay on my potty training schedule. I can’t be the bullshit parent at the autism center. I am praying enough money hits my life. Then I can work part-time and do all the things I want to do. My fantasy is always better than my reality.