I am so happy it is Friday. I been feeling like I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I am sleeping in tomorrow. My cousin is in town for the weekend. He stayed with me last night. He put together my desktop today. Not it isn’t hard but my lazy ass haven’t done it. I am going to acupuncture  Hopefully will attempt my taxes. Get some rest and enjoy life.

You will not believe I won another 60 bucks on my scratch tickets. I didn’t scratch all the ones I bought. You know my gambling self reinvested. This is fun and risky and stupid at the same time  I was in the store and a woman told me she won 10k not to long ago.

The one thing I can say about scratch off. You have just as much chance as anyone else. So Yes I have reinvested the money I have won. I am up to 460 bucks. But each time I have bought myself lunch. Kept 20 bucks out the deal. I haven’t contributed any additional money then what I won. Now I can’t say that when I usually purchase these things.

My co-worker told me I am on a winning streak and need to keep playing. I know he said that because he is just as addicted as I am. Granted I am not using bill money or savings to play. That is where I draw the line.

I met a new guy online. He seems interesting. Since I been online so long I don’t get caught up in it. I always keep hope alive. You truly never know. I am debating about taking soy is0flavones with my femara when I TTC. I haven’t decided yet. I am so trying to stack the deck. Acupuncture  DHEA, COQ10, Dirt Tea, Soy Is0flavones. I am doing everything I can!!!

Things are going my way!!

I have to say I am so blessed. Everything is going right. I could win the lottery but this a close second to that fantasy. I got rid of my house. I just found out I don’t have to pay any tax on the forgiven debt of my short sale. I found this out via research so I pray it is accurate.

I got a promotion with a sizable raise. Which will fund my baby making journey. I live with great people.

My roommate had a in interview today. Please put prayers out there for her. I hope she gets it and it is a great place for her to work.

To continue with my goodness. My car passed emissions.  So I didn’t have to pay the 600 bucks for a catalytic converter and a  H2 censor.

A friend of mine who is also on the single mother by choice journey dream seems to be coming true also. With a great co parenting situation. I wish she would blog too. I would read it she has so much to say. (I put that in because she reads my blog lol)

I have to say things are great. I want to keep that going. I did gain some weight. I am not happy about it. I am not stressed about it either. Which is new place for me to be.

So of course I have to mention my dating situation. I called this guy and cancelled a date because he seemed desperate. I want a man to want me. Not just any woman he can put in that spot. Well he left me a great voice message saying we can just hang out. No expectations. It was such a sweet message I called him back and thought it would be a great idea.

Well I regretted that decision. After I got off the phone with him. He sends me a texts and says we had a vibe. So if I am attracted to him what would I do about it. I am like WTF !!!. We decided on being friends so I thought. I have attractive friends. I am not jumping there bones after we hang out.

I was pissed off with the questions. It sounds like he doesn’t really want to be friends. It would just be a ways to ease into what he really wants. Which is crazy because we have never met and also haven’t had many conversations.

Either way he has made me feel uncomfortable. I am going to have to let him know I doubt there will be any dates.


I don’t need another problem!

A Christmas themed Finnish scratch game "...

I am convinced I have a gambling problem. I am not at the point of gambling away my light bill money. I however love scratch tickets. My grandmother and father bought scratch tickets all the time. My father claims he is going to quit. I doubt it!!

Now I think I have the same problem. I know I would be board at a casino. The package store with my five and ten dollars I am hooked. I sit there and look at each ticket thinking about if I won. I think it might be a problem.

It is bad enough I have an eating problem and no husband or boyfriend problem. An upside down loan on my house problem. A no children problem. Do I need a gambling problem. Hell no I don’t.

When I am about to buy I think life is stranger than fiction. I could win and jump-start all my plans. I started the gambling because I wanted a baby and I thought only luck would get me there. Now that I have an actual plan that has nothing to do with a scratch ticket you would think I quit. Not so much. I had to get my fix today.

I am also the strangest lottery player. I am not going to scratch them until I get out of this house. I don’t need anything messing up my process of being free of this property.

So when I finally get out of this house a good two or three months from now. I hope!! Then I will have a pile of scratch tickets to go through and see if I was one of the lucky ones.

I have issues. I know everyone has issues!! It is just hard to face them when they are you own!!

It is over!!

Valentines day is over. I survived! I guess my issue with the day is the reminder that I am single. Who the hell wants to be reminded of that. Doctor dude sent a text and called. He said the gift reached the office. One of the office managers is going to bring it to him at the other office today.

I hope he enjoys it.

Light at the end of the tunnel. I did win  on my lottery scratch ticket. I have no idea how much. I am going to enjoy the fantasy of it being the top prize for the rest of the week. There will be a completely different tone to this blog if I did win the top prize. Not that money can buy you everything but it can get the party started.

I need to fantasized to get me through the week. I am so unmotivated. I would lay in bed for a week if I could.

I am not depressed. I can diagnose that pretty quickly. I am dissatisfied with my circumstances. My co-worker offered to buy the ticket from me again. It makes me laugh. My delayed gratification is his gambling opportunity.

A friend is going through drama with custody of her child. Hearing her issues makes the sperm donor thing look great!! Not that I can judge every situation by her circumstances. The grass isn’t always greener. Everyone has issues and problems.

I told my friend she will receive her daughter blanket in about a week. I wasn’t paying extra for quick shipping. She waited two years, another week won’t hurt. No more promises of blankets. I am done on that front. My next blanket will be for a child I give birth to.

Good Wishes and Luck

One hundred dollar bill, series 1914

My co-worker and I are convinced we will not when the lottery at one of the big commercial gas station. When you look at the winners online they are always the little random places.

Today I went and bought one of the new scratch tickets on the market. I was sucked in by the commercial I saw this morning. I go to the same gas station up the street from my job.

On this particular day I asked the cashier who I think owns the place his name. He said Woot I think. He asked me why did I ask his name. I said I am in here all the time and you are so nice. He then asked me my name. I told him when I win you won’t see me anymore. We both laughed. He said now that you asked me my name you will probably win and I won’t see you!!

Now we both were laughing hard. I told him I will give the gas station a call and let him know why I am not coming back!!!

Woot might have put into existence my financial freedom. I will keep you posted!!


I have been sick for over a week. It is sad to say on New Years I was asleep by 10:30pm. I feel like I am getting better but still coughing and sneezing. The morning I had a nose bleed which I have no idea what that is about. I am not going to read too much into it. Also my right leg has been feeling weak lately. Also another thing I am not going to read into.  I know me. I can drive myself crazy. I am not even going to ask Doctor google what is wrong with me. I know that will only start crying fits.

I been on a lottery ticket buying binge. The weird thing is I haven’t scratched any of them. They are sitting on my dresser waiting for more to add to the pile. I know the possibility of winning the lottery is very rare, but that fact has not stop me. I don’t need that much money to make my life different. I guess it gives me hope that I can go forward with my plans now. Not when I save this fictional money that will show up in my checking account.

Life is stranger than fiction. I could win a nice little bit of change that could change my world. I am going to work with that for now. Like field of dreams “If I build it they will come”. If I buy them they could bring me money. 

I only scratch on Sunday. Usually because I don’t really want to go back to work. I don’t hate my job, but I would rather be doing something else. I would love to go back to school. I just don’t want anymore school loans. I am so glad they are out of my life.

Mr. Shitty paints has been doing great sleeping in his crate. No accidents. I am the pack leader. I am going to make him sleep in there for three weeks. Then he will get a chance to prove himself. I know he misses sleeping on the foot of my bed. He wants a lot of cuddle time before he is banished into his crate to sleep. He is such a cute dog.  I am finally not being suckered by his cute puppy looking face. He is five years old and need to act like it. My dog dramas, lord help me!!

Depression relief!!

My depression has been lifted. I know it has to do with my eating. It has been two-week of clean eating and I feel a lot better. I still have issues with my life and the things not in it. I don’t feel like I am about to fall of the edge of a cliff. Which is a relief from not to long ago.

I really need to watch for depression because it runs ramped in my family. If I stay on this road I will finally fit back into my clothes. Every time I look in my closet and see all those clothes that are two small I tear up.

I also need to incorporate exercise. I swear I can be the laziest person on the earth. I need to get my body moving.

Mr. Short guy hasn’t contacted me since I sent that you could have call me email. Oh well, not a big deal. I am in the mode if it is meant to be it will be.

 The lottery is up high this week. The mega millions and powerball are over 100 million. I know it is a shot in hell to win. I have to give a shot like everyone else. I did the office pool as usual and my own personal numbers I choose. Picking my own numbers can’t be any different from a quick pick in my book.

I remember years ago a 19-year-old won the pot using his siblings birthdays. It is nice to dream. I have no idea what I would do with that kind of money. I guess the answer is what ever the hell I want to do. LOL!!! Today is a good day and I feel good. When I see the glass half full things always seem better.

2 Winning Tickets

I have two winning scratch tickets. I haven’t scratched the amount. My day dreaming has been on high gear. My co-worker offered to pay me for the tickets. It is our inside joke. He knows I am not selling my winning tickets with a little extra. We share a laugh every time I tell him I have a winning ticket and don’t know how much it is. He says well how much did you pay for the ticket. When I tell him he instantly starts bargaining. He is the true gambler.

My co-worker buys tickets all the time. I buy them randomly and leave them there to sit until a bad day appears. The other day I just wanted some relief. I started feeling depressed. The winning tickets did cheer me up. I am saving them until Sunday night to see if next week will present a big surprise.

It is cold in Georgia, 30 degrees. I am freezing my butt off. It warms up by the afternoon. If I am having these many issues with cold. I know I will have big problems if I move back to Boston. I been here so long I am not used to Boston cold anymore.

Last night the heat was on and Mr. Shitty paints and I cuddled. He does that very well. Now if I can get him totally house trained he would be the perfect dog. I might be five years to late.

Another day another dollar

If money was not an issue, I would not be working. Something the submissive guy said. It has popped into my mind today. He said when you are at work someone has to be the boss. I told him the only reason I follow that person is for a paycheck. If I didn’t need the paycheck I wouldn’t have a boss.

Granted he was an idiot trying to compare a relationship to employment. The point is how many people would be working if they had the money not to. My aunt claims she wouldn’t quit her job. What would she have to do she exclaimed.

I would find something believe me. When you hear the lottery stories. Someone wins millions of dollars and continue to work. I don’t know if they were just so happy before the money or just insane. I  joke at my job all the time. I don’t need millions to leave this place.

We have a lottery pool that I put up my two dollars every week. Not that I think we have a chance in hell of winning. The fact is if we did win and I didn’t have my two bucks in the pot, I would need to be put on suicide watch. Well the VP came up to me one day and said did you win. I looked at her and said do you know something I don’t know. She said no she was curious. I told her if we won we would not be here. This place will cleared out. At least the five people in the lottery pool wouldn’t be coming back. I of course would wait until the check clear. I would be in disbelief until then. We even gave one woman the assignment to inform our employer because she lives the closest.

I don’t need millions of dollars to leave my job and enjoy a few years of freedom. It would be nice, but a lower amount would still lead to my resignation. It pays to be the boss. Like Mr. Submissive wants to be the boss. It also pays to have no boss. I think that is even better!!!

Working on being positive!!

I decided just at this moment I need to stop being negative. I had over a hundred negative feeling and I haven’t gotten to lunch. I still hate my ex. I want to text him just to tell him that. I am going to control myself and not give him the privilege to know I still care.

I have been going to the gym. This is week two. Last night I was about to give up. The excitement of the gym is over. I know one week and my high about exercise has come to an end. I am going to thug through it. I need to get my body together. I can’t keep complaining about it and doing nothing to fix it.

I know my negativity is not helping positive things show up in my life. I know I am letting little things annoy the hell out of me. I know I need to ask god for help. I am blessed in so many ways. I need to focus on my blessings. To feel it and believe it. I need to stop appreciating my blessing when something awful happens. I need that appreciation everyday. It is just hard to muster in my heart sometimes.

Those damn fairytale. Yes I blame the belief of the happy ending. As much as I try I can’t bring myself to let it go. I went on a rant to a friend, yesterday on the phone. She said the guy for me is coming. I said that is bullshit and I am sick of people saying that. Now I could be wrong he could show up. But what the hell happens if he doesn’t. I listen to all these people inforced the damn fairytale. It is not their fault. They fell for the bull shit also. Not everyone gets the man.

Granted I never thought I would be one of those people. I still believe it could be possible. Just like my gambling it is a crap shoot. I might win and I might not.

What I do want is some money. Yes I said it money!!! So I can get to my baby making on my own. That is the only thing standing in the way. I am beyond thinking. I am the girl wishing she could try, if she had the money. I could charge it. I have good credit. That could be a massive mistake. Especially in this job market. The fact is I can afford my life. That does not mean I can afford a lot of medical expenses. Charing it might be the mistake I make if too much more time passes.