Baby Project #19 Crazy is my name

First Pregnancy Test

 

I know my blood test is today. I still have the band-aid on. Last night I went crazy. I was pretty calm during the two week wait. Well that all fell apart last night. I had a first response in my house. I had this test for a long time, not sure why. I took it and got a faint double line. I would post it but I couldn’t get the picture to come out. Then I immediately went online. Found a site that stated any line is a positive. Or it could be to early or the test expired. I looked at the back of the box 2/2013. Now my face was hitting the floor. I put on some sweats and a tee shirt and was off to Walmart. It was 9pm and I didn’t care. I ended up buying four test. Clearly I didn’t do any research. One negative from EPT. Come to find out isn’t that sensitive. Another faint line First response.

 

Then the site mentioned taking them again on the first morning urine. I did and of course it wouldn’t be my life if anything was easy. The line was even fainter. I don’t even know if fainter is a word. But I am sure you understand what I am trying to say.

 

Then after some research I found out the dollar tree test is very sensitive.  I spent all this damn money and could have gotten a test for dollar. I was feeling very stupid at that point. Thought Dollar Tree was not open during my moment of craziness.

 

I went to take my blood test this morning. They said I will know in a day or two. Or they freaking mad. I will be dying in two days. I am barely making it now. So of course I went to Dollar Tree on my lunch break. I got three test, because one was just not enough.

 

I am going to take them when I get home. God please make this happen!!!

 

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LIMBO

English: Limbo, near Honeygeo

I don’t know what my future holds. They haven’t said anything else about the promotion as of yet. So that is on hold. Which puts baby making on hold. I been tracking my ovulation over the past few months. I should have gotten the double line today. I did not. I don’t need any more problems. I am hoping the double line shows up tomorrow.

I received a Christmas gift from my mom. It was nice to have a box to open. I guess I could have waited but I didn’t. So sweet of her. We are not really a Holiday family. Everyone asks why I don’t go home for the Holidays. First off it is cold. Second my mother has never been big on the Holidays.

I need to bring my ass home. I haven’t been home in almost two years. That was for a funereal.  I wasn’t in a rush to visit because I thought I would be living there permanently in a few months. If this promotion comes through and I take it I will have to plan a visit home.

I picked my top three choices of sperm donors. I saw on a website where a woman had a donor party. She posted the top three choices and let people put them in the order they would choose. I thought that was cute and emailed my friends and family the profile information to see what order they would pick. It went pretty well until one friend told me she wouldn’t use two of them at all. Which is fine I didn’t mind her opinion. But it sounded like she expected me to drop them from my choices based on her opinion. Ahh NO!! I know more about these men than any man I have ever slept with. One friend made me laugh. She said damn I wish he could be the father of my child.

I made my choices I was sharing. I guess I could have kept it to myself. Other than that one person I enjoyed what others had to say.

I choose based on intelligence, weight, essay, eye color. I was content with my choices. One of my donors doesn’t even have a picture. Some think that is strange but to me it wasn’t a big deal. Does a baby picture really tell you what they are going to look like as adults.

I have seen very cute kids turn into not so attractive adults. So it wasn’t a major thing for me.

I started online dating again. Well I guess I never stopped. I just put the location back to Georgia. I got a lot of emails. Seems like I am fresh meat LOL!! I am not looking for a relationship. Male company would be nice. I have my plans and I am moving forward. No interruptions !! It is all stemming on this job. If that doesn’t work out back to plan A and I am leaving the south for good.

I don’t want to wait another month!!!

I finally got the happy face. Yes my method of using the cheap OPK than confirming with the expensive Clear-blue easy works. This morning I thought I was going to get the happy face. The cheap OPK looked like two solid double line. The second line might have been lighter. Well I used two clear blue’s to find no happy face.

I knew I was going to see that happy face soon. I tested tonight the lines were both dark on the cheap OPK. So I used another expensive Clear-blue to confirm. Yeppie a happy face. Now 12 to 48 hours I will be ovulating. I want to put my soy isoflavones to work. I want to achieve the BFP.

Here is the issue the boyfriend is three hours away working. I am hoping he will make it to my house tonight. I do not want to wait another month. I know he has to work. I appreciate he has a job in this economy. Every time I watch the news my heart sinks for all those with no employment. I just need to catch a break. I am going to throw up smoke signals to the heavens to get this man here.

OPK AGAIN!!

Ok Aunt flow showed up again. Now I am going to test twice a day every day until I find that LH surge. The RE said if you have a regular period 90% of the time you ovulate. I am banking on this theory. I have bought the cheap ovulation kits from Amazon. I got a bundle of 50. I also bought 50 Dixie cups to collect my sample.

I am praying I can locate it. I don’t need any more drama. I am holding off on anymore testing until the New Year. I don’t want to start paying a deductible to have to pay it again. Also open enrollment is coming up and I can get the best insurance. I think I picked the middle of the road insurance this year.  When I was picking my insurance plan I had no idea I would be on this baby journey.  It wasn’t even a thought in my mind. Now it is all I think about. Not all but it takes up a lot of brain space.

I also know there are things I need to be working on. Such as the novel that has been in my computer for over a year. Yes the outline is done. I haven’t touched it and still have many chapters to work on. The blanket I was making for a friend’s daughter. This blanket has been in a corner for over a year. I feel bad every time I look at it. I am trying to get motivated, in all aspects of my life.  Wish me luck!!!

OPK Hell!!

Why do I always have issues? Last month I bought the cheap ovulation kit. Those two lines were driving me crazy. I would see faint lines. I would stare at it and wonder what does this crap mean.

It all started when I was in the Wal-Mart line. The ovulation kits were behind the counter. I had to ask the clerk to tell me the prices.  My face must have shown my horror because of the high price. The clerk offered the equate version. I was telling my friend I can’t tell if I ovulated or not. She told me I shouldn’t have been cheap. She must not know me cheap is my middle name. LOL!!!

Clear Blue Easy digital here I come. So this month I bought the famed Clear Blue Easy Ovulation kit.  I am still not happy. I have not gotten a smiley face. I was testing for over a week. The calculations on the box, I have a regular 28 day cycle then I should ovulate around the 15 day. Well that went out the window. I think I am on the 20th day and no smiley face. Where the hell is my smiley face?

Do I need more problems? You know this drives me crazy. Now I am all over the internet for others that didn’t get the smiley face. Here are the few things per the internet could be the problem.

1)    I might not ovulate. Even though the RE told me 90% of the time if I have a regular period I ovulate.

2)    I could be testing at the wrong time. Clear Blue Easy says you can test any time. http://www.Peeonastick.com says you should test in the afternoon or evening or you could miss your LH surge.

Who the hell knows? I know I don’t need any more problems. The Gynecologist told me to chart my period using the basal temp.  I have to have three months of information then we will work on a protocol.

All this crap needs to be easier. All this puts me into hypochondriac mode. I swear nothing can be easy in my world.