Long Sunday!!

I had to wake up this morning to go to my weight loss meetings. I officially start tomorrow. I am excited and nervous. No more crappy food. I am not looking forward to eating right. I do use food as comfort. I am looking forward to a sexy small body.

I realized today, my child is antisocial. She cries when I give her to someone else. Which makes me feel so special. Then on the flip side makes me feel like I will never have a social life ever. We went to visit family today and every time they picket her up the tears came on.

Even my mother can’t get her to stop. I am really going to pray she grows out of that quick.

Known Donor

My reason to seek a known donor was purely financial. I went to the known donor registry website. I found a guy, and we connected for him to be my baby daddy. Then I was skeptical about that so I started looking through my cell phone to find someone else. One possible taker for sperm donation via cell phone contacts. A guy I had an on and off fling with. Purely physical no relationship. He would piss me off time to time and I would delete his number.

He offered to help. I believe purely for the sex factor. I was shocked with his offer and put in some real world scenario. Then I realized having a baby with this man could lead to major problems. He wants to be a daddy. Which I can understand being 41 with no children. With my plans to move to Boston, I don’t want any drama. He asked if my child was a teenager and wanted to come live with him what would I say. I wanted to say Fuck NO!! Then I realized this isn’t going to work out.

I went back to the guy on the website. Still unsure about him. We met this past weekend. Everything went well. He has no interest in being a dad. He fathered another child while helping another woman. I will see his STD screening. It is two months old. With me being me I wanted a current HIV test. So we are going to get one for free this weekend. Then full steam ahead.

I am praying pregnancy comes quickly. I hope this answers all questions asked. Any more questions feel free to leave a comment.

Baby Project #33

Donor picked FINALLY!!!.  I am glad I have a few people in my corner to discuss these things.

My cousin was very blunt about not using the donor who wants to be a father. It is easy to say what you will do when the child is not here yet. He could totally flip the script once everything is sad and done. Then I am stuck in a drama situation. That is not the move for me.

I don’t even have to keep in touch with the other guy after I am pregnant.  He is just helping me out and that is it.

I am sure my mind can change as much as it needs to. Right now I have the donor picked. I am optimistic. More optimistic than doing my IUI‘s. I know this could possibly not work. I feel it has a great chance of working.  Even more than the 10% chance the doctor gave me  with frozen sperm.

The first attempt will be this month. I am working on getting the clomid. Who knows I am taking the soy isoflavone this month.

Thank you to all lesbian on YouTube. When I looked up insemination it was a lot of lesbian couples on YouTube discussing it. Many did insemination with a known donor.  I appreciate anyone who has walked in my shoes before. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

 

Baby project #14

English: Cervical cap Français : Cape cervical...

 

Second insemination went smoothly. Five follicles have released  I was laying there thinking HELL YES!! It sounded like good news. My doctor is very dry. She even had a great tone to her voice. She did say if this didn’t work, she wouldn’t change the protocol at all.

 

The social worker and I talked after my 15 min of laying there. I told her I was excited by the number of follicles. She said it is a good sign. How good are they and will they create a baby is the big question.

 

The cervical cap came out easily last night. She placed another one in today. I wanted to go to my acupuncturist  today.  I will be there tomorrow. The last time I was there she said they got robbed. When she left late at night. So I decided against going because I wouldn’t get there until late. I don’t want to put myself or my acupuncturist in danger. Her husband is out of the country for a while.

 

The social worker said try not to worry about it. If I can pull that off I need to write a book. I am going to assume right at this moment I am pregnant with my twin girls. Here is to the Law of Attraction!!!

 

Baby Project #9

English: Human sperm stained for semen quality...

 

The cyst has decreased to a reasonable level. So I start the drugs tonight. Having an ultrasound during my period wad disgusting  but not as bad as I thought it would be. Bills are coming in and I thank god I can pay them. I owe on my taxes and decided I will put the credit card down on Friday. Why rush to pay. :-), but I don’t want to cut it to close to the wire.

 

So I only paid 30 bucks for my Femara. Can I say HELL YEAH!! I heard it could be up to 500 bucks. They had me go to the small out-of-the-way pharmacy. It was not close but for 30 bucks I don’t have a problem with driving.

 

On Friday I come in for my Menpur shot. Then next week the trigger shot and two insemination’s    I called my aunt and told her half of her grandchildren are in the mail. Yes I ordered the sperm. This guy wasn’t my first, second or third choice  After I was told I had to have CMV-, I had to be allot less picky. I know he has confirmed pregnancy. So I hope his little men get my knocked up on the first time. Then I could careless what choice he was. He would be my frozen baby daddy!!!

 

I am not scared but I am on edge. I don’t know how to describe my present emotions. I am still listening to my CD over and over again.  My life is about to change in a BIG WAY. The way I wanted. Now I have anticipation of getting what I asked for!!!

 

Egg retrieval

My single mother by choice friend and ex neighbor needed a ride to her egg retrieval. I didn’t feel like it. It had been a long week and I wanted to sleep in. But us single mother by choice need to stick together. So I went to her house the night before and spent the night. We got there on time. She told me she wanted a fake wedding ring when she went into this office.

I have to say I felt her pain. Even sitting in the waiting room I felt like a bit of a loser. There were so many couples in and out. Women with these rocks on their fingers. We said to each other what the hell did we do wrong.

The funniest thing was when she said did I put lotion on my ass. She needed them to mark the spot for her progesterone shot when she got home. I said I am sure they have seen an ashy ass before. We both fell out laughing.

I found out she threw up three times after I dropped her off. It sucks not to have anyone to take care of you when needed. This is not going to stop me from having my babies. But it still sucks!!!

On a good note 21 eggs retrieved 10 fertilized. Sounds successful to me. I am going to pray for much baby dust!!

 

Doing better!!

I am going to work on more regular entries into my blog. Work has been hectic with my new position. Hell with my old position which was filling in for the lack of head count is now my new position. Pretty much I been stressed for a while.

I am going to either post during my lunch break. Or when I get home. First it is therapeutic   I also love having a log  of my life.

I did start vloging my SMC journey on my YouTube channel.  I have to say I was unsure about doing that. I still am but I want to share my experience. I guess I am going to go with it until it presents a problem.

I picked up Caffeine again. I know it hinders pregnancy and I need to put it down again. It sucks because I love Caffeine.

Yesterday I sent in a lot of paper work to the women’s center I will be going to for my insemination  This is becoming more and more real. I am excited and totally scared out of my mind in the same breath.

I haven’t closed down my personal ads online yet. I have such a love hate relationship with online dating. I hate that it has not yielded me the man of my dreams. I do love the attention that I do not have in any other aspect of my life. I hate to talk to the idiots that tend to like me online. I do get a little excited when I get an new email expressing interest in me.

Yeah after writing that I realize I am a special case of crazy with online dating.

My roommate situation is lovely and hard at the same time  I think the people I live with are great. They have been nothing but gracious to me. Sometimes I miss living alone and being by myself. I really need to get over this. I don’t think I will be living alone for a very long time to come.

I did meet a new guy online last night. People think I am crazy for being totally honest. I let them know I am looking for an activity partner. I would love a relationship but I have plans to inseminate and if that bothers you let me know now. Shit dating hasn’t gotten me any closer to marriage in all these years. Why lie now??

Well this guy thought it was great and had no problem with it. We will see how long this last. He also asked me a sexual question. Such a red flag to me. I told him I am not answering any sexual question until after we meet. I swear why do so many men lead with what is between their legs.  He could be the greatest guy in the world. The computer meeting gives him the security to ask all kinds of perv questions he probably would never ask in person. I swear I am back to love and hate the net.