I had to wake up this morning to go to my weight loss meetings. I officially start tomorrow. I am excited and nervous. No more crappy food. I am not looking forward to eating right. I do use food as comfort. I am looking forward to a sexy small body.
I realized today, my child is antisocial. She cries when I give her to someone else. Which makes me feel so special. Then on the flip side makes me feel like I will never have a social life ever. We went to visit family today and every time they picket her up the tears came on.
Even my mother can’t get her to stop. I am really going to pray she grows out of that quick.
My reason to seek a known donor was purely financial. I went to the known donor registry website. I found a guy, and we connected for him to be my baby daddy. Then I was skeptical about that so I started looking through my cell phone to find someone else. One possible taker for sperm donation via cell phone contacts. A guy I had an on and off fling with. Purely physical no relationship. He would piss me off time to time and I would delete his number.
He offered to help. I believe purely for the sex factor. I was shocked with his offer and put in some real world scenario. Then I realized having a baby with this man could lead to major problems. He wants to be a daddy. Which I can understand being 41 with no children. With my plans to move to Boston, I don’t want any drama. He asked if my child was a teenager and wanted to come live with him what would I say. I wanted to say Fuck NO!! Then I realized this isn’t going to work out.
I went back to the guy on the website. Still unsure about him. We met this past weekend. Everything went well. He has no interest in being a dad. He fathered another child while helping another woman. I will see his STD screening. It is two months old. With me being me I wanted a current HIV test. So we are going to get one for free this weekend. Then full steam ahead.
I am praying pregnancy comes quickly. I hope this answers all questions asked. Any more questions feel free to leave a comment.
Donor picked FINALLY!!!. I am glad I have a few people in my corner to discuss these things.
My cousin was very blunt about not using the donor who wants to be a father. It is easy to say what you will do when the child is not here yet. He could totally flip the script once everything is sad and done. Then I am stuck in a drama situation. That is not the move for me.
I don’t even have to keep in touch with the other guy after I am pregnant. He is just helping me out and that is it.
I am sure my mind can change as much as it needs to. Right now I have the donor picked. I am optimistic. More optimistic than doing my IUI‘s. I know this could possibly not work. I feel it has a great chance of working. Even more than the 10% chance the doctor gave me with frozen sperm.
The first attempt will be this month. I am working on getting the clomid. Who knows I am taking the soy isoflavone this month.
Thank you to all lesbian on YouTube. When I looked up insemination it was a lot of lesbian couples on YouTube discussing it. Many did insemination with a known donor. I appreciate anyone who has walked in my shoes before. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel.
Second insemination went smoothly. Five follicles have released I was laying there thinking HELL YES!! It sounded like good news. My doctor is very dry. She even had a great tone to her voice. She did say if this didn’t work, she wouldn’t change the protocol at all.
The social worker and I talked after my 15 min of laying there. I told her I was excited by the number of follicles. She said it is a good sign. How good are they and will they create a baby is the big question.
The cervical cap came out easily last night. She placed another one in today. I wanted to go to my acupuncturist today. I will be there tomorrow. The last time I was there she said they got robbed. When she left late at night. So I decided against going because I wouldn’t get there until late. I don’t want to put myself or my acupuncturist in danger. Her husband is out of the country for a while.
The social worker said try not to worry about it. If I can pull that off I need to write a book. I am going to assume right at this moment I am pregnant with my twin girls. Here is to the Law of Attraction!!!
The cyst has decreased to a reasonable level. So I start the drugs tonight. Having an ultrasound during my period wad disgusting but not as bad as I thought it would be. Bills are coming in and I thank god I can pay them. I owe on my taxes and decided I will put the credit card down on Friday. Why rush to pay. :-), but I don’t want to cut it to close to the wire.
So I only paid 30 bucks for my Femara. Can I say HELL YEAH!! I heard it could be up to 500 bucks. They had me go to the small out-of-the-way pharmacy. It was not close but for 30 bucks I don’t have a problem with driving.
On Friday I come in for my Menpur shot. Then next week the trigger shot and two insemination’s I called my aunt and told her half of her grandchildren are in the mail. Yes I ordered the sperm. This guy wasn’t my first, second or third choice After I was told I had to have CMV-, I had to be allot less picky. I know he has confirmed pregnancy. So I hope his little men get my knocked up on the first time. Then I could careless what choice he was. He would be my frozen baby daddy!!!
I am not scared but I am on edge. I don’t know how to describe my present emotions. I am still listening to my CD over and over again. My life is about to change in a BIG WAY. The way I wanted. Now I have anticipation of getting what I asked for!!!
My single mother by choice friend and ex neighbor needed a ride to her egg retrieval. I didn’t feel like it. It had been a long week and I wanted to sleep in. But us single mother by choice need to stick together. So I went to her house the night before and spent the night. We got there on time. She told me she wanted a fake wedding ring when she went into this office.
I have to say I felt her pain. Even sitting in the waiting room I felt like a bit of a loser. There were so many couples in and out. Women with these rocks on their fingers. We said to each other what the hell did we do wrong.
The funniest thing was when she said did I put lotion on my ass. She needed them to mark the spot for her progesterone shot when she got home. I said I am sure they have seen an ashy ass before. We both fell out laughing.
I found out she threw up three times after I dropped her off. It sucks not to have anyone to take care of you when needed. This is not going to stop me from having my babies. But it still sucks!!!
On a good note 21 eggs retrieved 10 fertilized. Sounds successful to me. I am going to pray for much baby dust!!
I am going to work on more regular entries into my blog. Work has been hectic with my new position. Hell with my old position which was filling in for the lack of head count is now my new position. Pretty much I been stressed for a while.
I am going to either post during my lunch break. Or when I get home. First it is therapeutic I also love having a log of my life.
I did start vloging my SMC journey on my YouTube channel. I have to say I was unsure about doing that. I still am but I want to share my experience. I guess I am going to go with it until it presents a problem.
I picked up Caffeine again. I know it hinders pregnancy and I need to put it down again. It sucks because I love Caffeine.
Yesterday I sent in a lot of paper work to the women’s center I will be going to for my insemination This is becoming more and more real. I am excited and totally scared out of my mind in the same breath.
I haven’t closed down my personal ads online yet. I have such a love hate relationship with online dating. I hate that it has not yielded me the man of my dreams. I do love the attention that I do not have in any other aspect of my life. I hate to talk to the idiots that tend to like me online. I do get a little excited when I get an new email expressing interest in me.
Yeah after writing that I realize I am a special case of crazy with online dating.
My roommate situation is lovely and hard at the same time I think the people I live with are great. They have been nothing but gracious to me. Sometimes I miss living alone and being by myself. I really need to get over this. I don’t think I will be living alone for a very long time to come.
I did meet a new guy online last night. People think I am crazy for being totally honest. I let them know I am looking for an activity partner. I would love a relationship but I have plans to inseminate and if that bothers you let me know now. Shit dating hasn’t gotten me any closer to marriage in all these years. Why lie now??
Well this guy thought it was great and had no problem with it. We will see how long this last. He also asked me a sexual question. Such a red flag to me. I told him I am not answering any sexual question until after we meet. I swear why do so many men lead with what is between their legs. He could be the greatest guy in the world. The computer meeting gives him the security to ask all kinds of perv questions he probably would never ask in person. I swear I am back to love and hate the net.
They lady next door wasn’t interested. She directed me to her realtor daughter who might have someone interested. I need major positive vibes my way. I could careless who buys it. Just get it off my hands. If things worked easily It wouldn’t be my life.
So many things on my mind. I am ready to get this one-off my mind!! Home ownership was very overrated in my case. I am sure a lot of people feel that way. So trying to do the right thing and short sale instead of foreclosed seems like a big ass struggle. I have half the battle the bank. But if they came in any where close to what my buyer was willing to pay I wouldn’t be complaining my ass off on this blog. I would be worried about packing and moving.
I know god is working for me in the background. Patients is not my thing. I am going to try my best and have some blind faith all will work out. I have had baby brain for about a week. I keep thinking about having a baby. I have to stay off Facebook. All people with their new baby pictures are making me jealous.
My friend also informed me today I look like a 13-year-old with all this acne I have. I have never had bad skin. This issue is due to the DHEA I am taking for my own AMH results. It is supposed to help with my egg quality. The bad skin is a side effect. Yah me!!! I will live!!
I am so damn happy the weekend is almost here. So much has gone on this week.
House update. My mortgage company was faxed over 50 pages of information. I am hoping this process goes smoothly. Then I will be closer to moving home. Not looking forward to packing. I will be moving twice first move with a friend. Next to Massachusetts.
I am so ready to start TTC. I have two girlfriends on board. They are keeping their baby stuff to give me. I love when people are in the positive. I told my dad my plans. He keeps telling me you can’t plan your life. One day at a time. OK you have to plan somethings. I ended up yelling at the man to just listen to my plans. If it doesn’t work out I will make adjustments as I go. I just wanted him to listen.
Then the question maybe you can meet a guy and do it the old fashion way? I wanted to scream don’t you think I want that also. I let it go!! This is not my first choice. If people don’t get that, I am done explaining. Then my aunt was upset that my sperm donor I picked out was white. I haven’t made a finally decision but the sperm bank I pick doesn’t have any other races. I will have to admit the price is one of the biggest reasons for picking this particular bank. I could careless about race. Race wasn’t a factor in my choice at all.
It is hard to deal with people’s hang ups. She kept saying you didn’t tell me that. I did tell her, obviously she doesn’t listen to me. Clearly she didn’t read my article. Which is another issue. Lack of support from family. This aunt in particular will complain about family not being there for each other. But she can be at the top of that list. I sent her my article. It has almost been two weeks and she never read it. I was so proud for it to be posted in the SMC newsletter.
I said something to her about hurting my feelings. She instantly dismissed it. I started yelling at her. You are such a hypocrite in so many words. Then I stopped myself and said just apologize and I will move on. She said sorry but I know she didn’t mean it and won’t read it. Insanity is doing things over and over and expecting different results. If I am looking for her to take an interest and be proud of my accomplishments that isn’t going to happen. So I am done including her. I will not send or have her involved in anything else. My mother is so different she will read what ever I do cover to cover. I really need to send it to her. She is never on a computer these days. So I didn’t bother emailing her. I always feel my mother being proud of me. Her sister not so much.
My aunt will request to be treated a certain way. Will complain if she feels slighted in any way. But she does the exact same thing to people that she complains about. Next time she does that crap I am going to tell her do un to others as you want done to yourself!! I love my aunt I just have to accept her the way she is, I wish she would do the same with me. I doubt it but I will keep hope alive for that one.
That is what Mr. Shitty pants smelled like. Until he was bathed in an oatmeal shampoo. He smelled so good after his bath. I just pick him up and take a whiff. He still hates baths. He only complies out of force. He is too hairy and I need to find sometime to take him to the groomers. Probably next months so he is going to look like a big hair ball by then.
I am so happy. Friends of mine said they will take Pedro aka Mr. Shitty paints when I move. I love this couple. It will be great. They already have a dog and they love my fur ball. Their dog is very jealous but I am sure he will get over it eventually. I know they will take care of him and keep me posted with pictures and updates. I couldn’t ask for anything better. Things are really coming together!!
I have a court date for a moving violation. My perfect driving record down the drain. I do plan to fight it. Wish me luck. I don’t want my insurance to go up. Life is so up and down.
I received some coupons from the lottery. Buy one ticket get another one free. Well the guy made a mistake and printed three. I told him I will take them. A mistake could be my fortune. I heard that story to many times. They made a mistake I took it and now I am rich. I couldn’t let it go. I need to work on my lottery issues.
A friend of mind found a place that gives scholarships to alternative families for IUI and IVF. BABY QUEST FOUNDATION I am going to apply and see what happens. My friend told me they give out the grants three times a year. It is worth a shot!! It also doesn’t matter where in the country you live. I hope it helps!!