We were at the speech therapist. Ava was acting a complete fool during the end. She started crying, and it seemed like she didn’t want to stop. She did get her to imitate again, but she was working on another sound, and Ava wasn’t having it.
Then we went to another Autism mom Friend house. She had a cake for Ava birthday. I was shocked she went to so much trouble for us. I felt terrible all Ava did was the cry. Then she was digging in her ear. We stay exactly 30 min. Then I drove her to urgent care. Something wasn’t right. Ava doesn’t usually cry this much.
He looked in her ears and her troat and said he didn’t think there was a issue. I gave him a look and he decided to do the strep test. Next time I am not going to debate it, we will alwasy do the test. Granted getting the swab down her throat is hard. This child kicks and screams. She did kick the nurse.
The test came up postive for strep. This will be her third time getting strep in a month and a half. He advised me to call her peditirian. I sent an email. I swear a break in my life is non existent. He gave me a different medicine. I don’t know if she is getting reinfected at school . Or does she need her tonsils out. Which the urgent care doctor stated could be a option. I am going to take it one day at a time. I can’t worry about that right now. I just need my baby well.
So the guy I was chatting with online. The short 5’5 guy. He stated he was in a program. I was thinking ahh shit, is he in rehab. Close but no cigar. He is a halfway house because he was released from the federal PEN. How the hell do I find these people?
I tried working on my book today. My enthusiasm is so dead. I then started talking to this guy online. He is 5’5, and I am six foot. He already said he was to short. I have never dated a man that short before. I am going to continue to chit-chat. I have nothing else I am motivated to do tonight.
Life has thrown me a bunch of curve balls lately. My boss found a new job. I am going to miss her. We worked together so well. She has to do what is right for her and her family. Which I totally understand and can relate to. I hope she is happy in her new position. I will miss her and want her to stay just being selfish.
We already know who will replace her. I am praying we have the same cohesive working relationship. I don’t need any work stress in my life. Work stress can drive you insane. You spend so much time at work.
I really love my job because the stress is very low. The traffic to get back and forth is horrendous. I have no complaints about the actual job. Which I cannot say what I have been used to over the years.
I want my motivation back. I have no idea where it went and why I don’t feel like doing anything. Pray for me to get my mojo back!!!
I ended up in a meeting with a lot of people to discuss my complaints. I tried to defuse the situation, in the beginning, to say I love this place, I just have some concerns. Well, there were great outcomes from this meeting.
They will send home better updates. They are sending me a copy of the PEC they are using home. I am going to go in for more parent training. They implemented it right away.
Then there were a few things that happened in that meeting that pissed me off. Granted I had to play diplomate. They are the only game in town with this kind of program. I am in a rock in a hard place.
I was told twice if they weren’t doing what I needed they would help me find someplace else. Also, it was brought up that Ava could be intellectually disabled. Which pissed me off. In this journey of autism. I have asked that question to several therapists. I always got a no. Due to her being there 10 months and that was never stated before. I feel it was bullshit to shift accountability.
Several other things made me upset. I left that meeting feeling beaten and mistreated. It wasn’t anyone working directly with my child. Granted they backed her up which felt happened due to her being the big boss.
I did not let her totally roll over me. What I stated is anyone in this room stating my child is intellectually disabled. She said no we can’t make that diagnosis. Then it shouldn’t have been mentioned in that setting in my view.
I don’t know this woman personally. I have been in this position, and I felt the same way. Some white people do not want to be questioned by minorities. I really thought she was trying to put me in my place. In a way, I took some of the bullshit. I wasn’t going to let my pride destroy what my daughter needs.
I also called them on the carpet for the blanket statements about my child with no validated reason. I said she also equally learn slow. Which they agreed. I still love her center. Even though I was not feeling upper management.
The changes were made I am happy with that outcome. I talked to several parents, and they implemented the changes across the board. So my mouth has made it happen. It didn’t go on deaf ears.
It is no secret I want my child to start talking. I called the insurance for additional speech therapy. Hopefully, I haven’t written about this before. My mind is in the clouds, and it is hard to keep up.
I found a speech therapist for the weekends. She is doing the evaluation on Ava coming soon. Then my Saturday’s at 11 will be taken up with that appointment. I told her to be honest with me. If she feels Ava case is above her head. I don’t want to waste my time or hers.
I am looking forward to the appointment. She said I will be in a few sessions with Ava. Then I will see through the glass. I really don’t care as long as she makes headway of her talking. Her autism center speech therapist wasn’t insulted by her additional appointment. I brought it up at a meeting. She said great to give her my information, and we can work together.
I thought that was great. I feel my child’s voice is in there.
My life is a never-ending stream of issues. The Autism Center called me and stated the driver didn’t know how to put the car seats in. Just call me transportation coordinator. I tend to harass the transportation company at every turn. The other mother is very laid back. I asked her how she does it. She said anti-anxiety meds. I said shit I might need what she is taking.
Oh, and they said he was rude to there staff. So I created a group text with the owner and the other mother to complain. The other mother said, please don’t send him again she didn’t think it was a good fit. I was so pleased she stated it, so I didn’t have to.
I also like we have a direct connection to the owner of this company. That is also thanks to the other mother. I have such guilt that I can’t drive my child to and from school. I only use this service because I have no other choice. It is also a blessing because I don’t pay for it.
God has blessed my child in so many ways. I need to take heed of that. I feel like I fight endlessly for everything she needs. I want her to talk so desperately I am willing to take the fight as far as I can. Her safety is my number one priority, so I am on that transportation companies ass.
I was waiting for her on Friday. She was late it was raining could be traffic. Of course, I called, and he didn’t’ say hello. He started with she is late due to traffic. I like that they are scared of me. It means they won’t fuck with my kid or me.
I have a lot going on. Mainly all the things I discuss on this blog. With several more issues, I don’t mention. Not that I don’t want to share. It is hard to type out my thoughts when I have them.
I was in my doctor’s office crying. I am fat and depressed. My depression leads to my eating. I was sharing about my child and situation, and she totally understood. This would be the last time I would be seeing this particular doctor because she is going to a different field.
We decided on Wellbutrin. A low dose and I would follow up with my new doctor. Well, the low dose was doing it thing. I was more awake and actually have many good days. So I met with my new doctor, and we decided to increase the dosage. I know I am an addict. If this works more must work better. Well after a week I wish I didn’t have those thoughts. I broke out in hives all over my body. Red itchy bumps.
I looked on the internet finding that to be one of the side effects. I couldn’t sleep my skin felt like it was on fire. It was the worst. Online they said it could last for weeks. Of course, it did. I went to urgent care got a steroid shot and a steroid pack to take. Nothing would work. I bought Allegra, Clariton, Zyertec. The only thing that would help was Benadryl. Which made me tired as hell. It was tired or scratch my body uncontrollably.
Urgent care told me to stop taking the medication immediately. I think I am done with the antidepressant thing. Am I depressed yes I am? That rash almost took me over the edge. I am very sensitive to medications. I can’t do it. A friend said try Prozac. I told her no thank you I am done.
Ava and I went to an Autistic superhero party. Ava spends a lot of time under the table. The highlight of the day. I finally connected with an Autism Mother I noticed at a few events. She had a daughter that is seven. She was parked next to me when I was leaving. The next day we talked for almost an hour and a half. I asked her when her daughter started talking she said six. I mentioned how did it happen. What she said was crazy. She said they were in the park, and she was telling the other kids, her daughter doesn’t talk, but she is really friendly.
The little girl looked at her mother and said MOM I DO TALK. What I meant was that the first thing she ever said. She said yes. Not the only impressive story. At the event, I gave one of the mothers Ava Super Girl costume. It is to small for her so I thought I would gift it. It always feels better to give to someone you see then giving it to Goodwill.
I asked her about her daughter’s eating habits. She said her daughter is very picky. She only likes peanut butter sandwiches with peanut butter one side of the bread not made into a sandwich. I was confused. I asked how did you figure that out if she doesn’t talk. She said she was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Right before she was to merge the two parts the little girl who does not speak said I don’t want that.
I was like damn. The mother almost fell to the floor. We don’t know what amazing children can do. I am waiting for those words out of my child’s mouth.
Let me start with I love Ava Autism Center. I really like what they do and how devoted they are to the children. That being said I know my child. I know I need to trust in the process. As I said prior that food therapist shut me up in a big way.
I went to the center for training. The BCBA said he doesn’t think Ava can differentiate between pictures. I told him I disagree. The prior ABA noted she can distinguish between 50 photos. Now I never got the vibe she could do 50 pictures. They did show me things I was impressed with. The problem is Ava doesn’t have a lot of things that drive her.
Meaning candy, food, etc. She is big on the tablet, hugs, and people touching her. She also likes the song. So he said will she take a consolation prize. Meaning she wants you to sing a particular song and you sing another song will she care. I said no she will not. Which is something I love about my child? For the most part, she is happy and low key. She is not that rigid that if she gets something different, she will fall out. Now with the tablet yes that is full-fledged on the floor kicking and screaming.
I asked him where is the book from the prior ABA. He gave it to me I handed it to Ava. She flipped through the book and picked the tablet. I said to see if she didn’t discriminate she would have chosen anything. Then I took the tablet picture out the book and handed it to her again. She flipped through it and picked nothing. So if she couldn’t discriminate she would have chosen anything.
He saw my point. I picked out the six pictures of things Ava like. The rest she didn’t care about. So hopefully we made some headway. I feel they do not push the children. They cry that is it. My child is smart. I cry, and they will leave me alone and not make me do anything.
I am going to stay wholly involved at every turn. I am fully aware we need to work together. I feel Ava is brilliant. The fact that Ava has no words is the roadblock to us knowing her abilities.
I started letting her figure it out. Instead of assuming she can’t do it. The first example is the carseat. My dad bought her a Carseat that can grow with her. It is big and bulky and now having almost 4 year old I would have gotten the smaller verision. So this carseat never leaves my car. I would always pick her and put he in the carseat. Now I say get in her seat.
Now she goes and attempts to get in her carseat. I help on occasion, but I give her time to figure it out.
I feel there is a wall in front of my daughter. I can see her through a window and that is how we communicate. I need to find the key to the door that separtes us.
I know everyone gives me praise for doing the most for my child. I do not feel I am doing enough. It is a deep feeling that I need to be doing a whole lot more. I talked to the head of the Autism nonprofit I am a part of. She said me and my friend K the other autism mom. Jumped in with both feet. She said she has met many who do not take charge the way we do.
I am always kind of shocked about parents that don’t’ go the extra mile for there kids. I should not be appalled at all my parents in no way went the extra mile for me.
Ava was the gift God blessed me with. I asked and pleaded with God to make me a mother. He did it. I have to do all I can do to get my child to the next level. I have to stay faithful I will hear words.
The food therapist showed me a chair that I have purchased.Ava doesn’t want to sit too long. Well with this she will have no choice. We are going to get to work. I am going to make a learning time every day. So I can be a part of her success of getting to the next level. My friend K said we can do it together also. Like a little preschool class. I am down with that. Her younger child is typical, and I suggested he is a part. Then he can help the girls to advance forward.
I feel Ava can be doing more. So I am about to put myself in the line of fire to prove that. I can’t not rest and wait for everyone else to make it happen with my child. Now I will admit I have no idea what the hell I am doing. I am going to have to educate myself and hopefully find resources to do this.
Ok, why ME is the question of the day?. I moved up to 300mg of Welburtrin and I broke out into these crazy hives. I started itching my skin so bad. It has been horriable. I have made so many visits to Walgreens to try and find something to stop the itch.
I ended up at urgent care and they gave me a shot of steriods and steroid pack to take at home. I am done with anti-depresants. I email the doctor and told him urgent care told me to stop the pills immediatly. He said to go down to the lower dose. I said hell, not I will not. You can’t keep that bullshit pill.
I will have to admit. That pill was the bomb. I was feeling great. It made me pep up. Not sleepy at all. The after shocks was not worth it. I haven’t been able to sleep for weeks. The only thing that works is Benadryl. I am tired as hell with the Benadryl tirediness. It is either be tired or itch. So I am just tired. I take Benadryl before I go to bed. I wake up five hours later itching. I then have to take some more. This shit is so horrible, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. After a week the itching is subsiding but not gone by any means.
I never really been into to taking to many pharmercicals. I am going to stick to that and have to work through my issues another way.
God help me!!!