Helpung with stress
I was driving home from work. Chatting to my autism Mommy friend. I was bitching about checking my email every 20 minutes with no response from the autism center. I see a pickup truck swerve into another lane. The people in the lane beeped and he corrected. I thought wow that was crazy. Then he went in the other directions and took out three cars. I dropped my phone and yelled OHHH SHIT!!! Thank god I was not in that accident. I was behind that Truck several Miles Back. He was driving a big ass Truck and took out three little cars. I am not sure if he was drunk or had a stroke. The people behind the accident got around the accident. I told my friend I had to go. I called 911 and reported it.
That is the first time I saw an accident. I have seen the aftermath driving on the Highway. What scared me is that one driver had the fate of the other three drivers in his hands. I pray everyone made it out ok. Granted after watching that crazy shit, I am not totally sure.
Every day I make it home alive I am blessed.
Still waiting on the Autism Center. The coordinator from the IEP sends me an email that she got into the preschool I wanted her in. I bitched sooo hard for that preschool. The coordinator emailed me as soon as she found out. Which would have been great news until I changed course.
Now waiting for the autism center. I haven’t let go of any of the original services. Always have that plan B. She can not sit in the house all day every day. She will get services one way or another.
I feel the autism center will be the best for her. I don’t know what God has planned for my child.
It happens in three. I am not looking forward to hearing who the next person will be. My mother close friend of 40 years has died. He would do anything for my mom. He had a very difficult life. Alcohol and drugs. His wife finally puts him out and it went downhill from there. He had a lot of medical problems. He really didn’t have a home and was jumping place to place.
He died on a bus. He had a heart attack. I feel sorry for him and my mom for losing a very good friend. Shortly after I hear about his death. My good friend’s sister-in-law died. She was young in her 40’s. Leaving behind a young child. Her husband my close friend’s brother has been through a lot with his wife illness. This didn’t just happen she has been going through it for several years now. He is such a good guy. That is a guy I want dammit. The one who will be there for all the bullshit life throws at you.
We all went to High School together. He is a few years older. I did have a little crush on him back in the day. I see him at my friend’s events for her kids. I just saw his wife at the last birthday party event. She was in rough shape and I spoke as usual not drawing attention to what was clearly obvious.
Nothing is promised. Even our lives. I need to appreciate all my blessing. I have a lot of them that sometimes I feel I don’t keep in the front of my mind. My daughter needs me. I need to thank God every day I am here for her.
That woman son needed her. Now she for whatever twist of fate will not be there for him. #AppreciateLIFE!!!
When I told you guys I have a lottery problem. Well, it is a strange problem. I have piled up many tickets until Ava gets into this Autism Center. Then I will scratch them. Still waiting and got everyone in their mother praying for my daughter to get into this program. My aunt put us in the prayer box. Everyone I talk to I say, please pray for my baby.
So the ticket issues. I collect them for a special occasion. This is about four months of collecting. I usually get a few during payday. Or if I am in a strange area I have to pick one up. I know it looks like a lot. I know I have a bit of a problem. I swear when I win I will give back to someone in need.
I have joined an Autism group. They have had several Trampoline events. Which the venue opens two hours early for the children to not have to deal with crowds. It is a great event. This is our third time at the same place. The first time was a friends son’s birthday party.
I didn’t have it in me today to jump with her. I was thinking I am too old for this shit. I wasn’t athletic when I was a child. I would describe myself and fat and lazy. Ava wants me to bounce with her. She didn’t have such a great time. There were some smiles so I will call it a success. It is so hard to figure out what a child likes when they don’t talk.
I found myself trying together to stop laying down and licking things. #mommyproblems
I am sure I mentioned this before. I schedule out my blog post. This is to have consistent content. So I wouldn’t’ call my information current I put on the blog. So I am praying my daughter has already started this program while you are reading this post.
Presently we got approved for the transportation. I was sweating that. There were several ways this would have fallen apart. One being transportation. I will be at work when she would need to start the program. I will still be at work when it was time for her to go home.
I have to find a car seat. We will have to figure out who will stick int his car seat daily. I will have to tell them my mom is disabled and that will not be possible for her.
A worry, but the least of my worries. My insurance is trying not to pay. They are presently fighting my insurance company. I need God on my side. I really want her in this program. A friend has the good insurance. Blue Cross and they already gave her a start date.
I don’t know why in my career I have never lucked up when it comes to insurance. I have always had the bullshit policies. My baby needs this service. All this talk of insurance over the T.V.
I have to say I don’t trust a damn Republican or damn Democrat. When you can accept money from major corporations you are bought and paid for. I need to raise this child the best way I can. I will fight with every breath in my body.
A relationship ending is the hardest shit to go through. Especially when you are not the one ending it. Over the years I have shed many tears for some man who didn’t want my ass for one reason or another. I have actually been on that receiving end of bullshit more than I care to admit.
Now I have a friend close to me. A marriage is ending and she is crying and not doing well. I feel her pain and want to give her strength. There are kids involved and to be honest I have never been married. I can only give her my limited advice.
This might sound horrible, but you can only give a certain type of advice to certain friends. She is a friend but not a homegirl. A friend I say, pray about it and work on protecting you and your kids. Get ready to do it by yourself.
A homegirl, FUCK HIM. Tell him to kiss your ass. Do not let him see you cry. Don’t give his ass the satisfaction. The best revenge is living well and lets him know you will be just fine without his full of shit ass. All this to say you kind of has to know your place with your friends.
I smell another bitch on the scene. She does too so we can have a real conversation about that. Even though the realities of relationships there is no protection. Some of the relationship I see my friends have, no way in hell I could be in. Probably the reason I am terminally single. I have a low tolerance for bullshit. The ones with all the bull are always attracted to me. Such as life. I am glad the importance of a man in my life is very low. Not to say if Mr. Dream man or Mr. Right now (I will deal with him to) comes around he would get a chance.
I am still dreaming about the second baby. The plumber is still keeping in touch. I can go for a co-parenting situation. My eggs are getting older by the second. I using the law of attractions for some money to come to afford the process of getting pregnant and the money needed to raise another baby.
We were approved for the Eval with much arguing with the insurance company. I brought my aunt with me for a second opinion. When you don’t have a man in your life, the family will do. Ava couldn’t wait to get into the center. She could see all the toys from the office we were in. She was looking over the child gate, with bated breath. As soon as the gate was opened, “see ya ma” is what she would have said if she could talk.
While they were doing the testing, We went in the room with the owner for the questions she had for me. I was glad my aunt came but she kind of got on my nerves a little. This is the first autism thing she has been to. So she was asking a question from her base of knowledge which was little. Asking questions, Why are there so many kids with autism? What changed over the years? Those questions are great. She needed to look them up online. I had questions for the present situations. I interrupted my aunt and touched her a few times to shut up.
She asked me before the visit if she could ask questions in her defense. I wanted to ask about the center and Ava being there. Not general autism questions. I asked if she could give my aunt a tour. She was happy to.
My aunt loved the place and felt this was a great option for Ava. I know I felt that way but having a second opinion that was making the right choice made me feel great.
I put in for the transportation. I wanted it to be ready and waiting for her first day. If they were any hiccups I wanted it taken care of before we needed it. Ann from my autism group IM me the language for the transportation. I am so thankful I met this woman. I am defiantly getting her a gift and the woman who started the organization once everything is done and Ava starts this program. Finger still crossed no more hiccups in the process of Ava first day.
I was hit with a blow. My insurance doesn’t want to pay for the ABA center. In this place call the Untied States with it bullshit for profit insurance companies. Thank god for the woman who works at this place. She told me another family with my same insurance company didn’t want to fight it. WTF, I told her I pay a lot of damn money for my insurance fight those bastards. There is a mandate in Massachusetts to pay for autism therapies. They are saying they will pay for home, not center.
She played the single mother card. Told them I am at work paying for their insurance how the hell can I be home for her therapy. I thought to go girl!!, God is putting these Angels in my life to bless my baby with the things she needs. She got them to concede and they allowed the payment for the initial evaluation.
The insurance company called me and try to talk me out of the center by saying it will be 30 bucks a day. The lady at the center said don’t listen to that bullshit. They don’t have an in-network option so it will not be 30 bucks a day. They are riding the line of legality. The autism center said they have no problem sending a letter from legal.
Also with a mother love I called and harrassed for my secondary insurance for Ava disability to be approved by the state. I should have done it a lot earlier. God on my side it all came through they same day of the bad news of my insurance company being a bunch of assholes.
So even if it was 30 bucks a day. It should be covered by my secondary insurance. The secondary insurance will also pay for transportation for Ava to the center every day. They gave me a premium for this insurance. Which was not outrageous. I would have squeezed it out of my budget even if I had to charge it.
I was approved for premium assistance and it was covered. I told the woman at premium assistance she was my angel. They had a 90-day backlog. This woman did mine in one day. Yes, one damn day. God was so on my side. So no money out of my pocket and my baby get what she needs. We still have a few hurdles before she actually starts. Every hurdle can stop her going to Autism center in its tracks. So far we are still on the road to success. Please pray for my baby. I have been asking for prayers from everyone. I don’t care who you worship or pray to. Send one up for my baby.