Guess who is a year old!!!

12 MonthI had her birthday party today. It went great actually. It only cost 130.00 bucks. For the place. I got six pizza’s two salads and four servings of french fries. This place didn’t do family style. So I bought some tins to put the food in. The plumber gave me 100 bucks for the party. I did not ask. I actually tried to give it back. Then I said WTF am I giving it back. I took it. So pretty much he paid for the party. Because I put down 50 dollar deposit.

She had a Chica cake.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

If you don’t have kids, it is a little chicken on the sprout network that she loves. Ava went to everyone with no crying. I was so shocked. My mother couldn’t believe it either. This child cries when anyone tries to hold her. She was in love with Grandad. I am about to line him up as a babysitter. At least to get my toes done and other random errands.

Dad also put 100 bucks in a card. I was thinking damn, I can’t remember when I got 100 bucks.  I guess grandchildren are always different. Life is good. Things I need to work on. I am patting myself on my back for getting through year one. I can’t believe I started from newborn to now. It flew by like a whirlwind. With so many transitions and drama it is crazy. I can’t believe I moved here driving from GA. We did it in one day with a two month old. Moved back to the city I hate. With my mom, can’t believe that. Blizzard of 2015, new job and etc.

I made it in one piece. Thank you Jesus!!! No my baby!! My baby is now a toddler.{7707b807-7957-4b9a-933a-d5bc77f15760}_320140604_0303541 Month

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I have a Public YOUTUBE Channel!!

When I created this blog and my YouTube channel it was for so many different reasons. My blog was so I could write and keep my juices flowing writing.  I would love to be a writer but what I learned about myself is I am the biggest procrastinator. Then I used this blog to bitch about my life. Also tell the success and everything good and bad. I love all the comments and the people who support me.

I started a YouTube channel to talk about random things in Atlanta. Also my natural hair. I was actually intrigued with YouTube and wanted to be a part.

Once I started on the baby journey I started to share that on YouTube. I also have random video’s about my life. I don’t know why I didn’t want to merge them and let you guys know about it. Some of you guys have found me on YouTube. Not sure if you know I am the same person.

Today is a new day. I have a YOUTUBE, Twitter, Blog and instagram. I am going to continue to write in this blog. Check me out on YouTube if you like. I have gotten a lot of praise for putting the message out about being a single mother by choice on YouTube. I know when I went to YouTube when I started my journey there were on Lesbians discussing IUI’s Or couples with fertility issues. I am trying to spread the message. The reason is I never thought I would do this. I only considered it because my neighbor was doing it. Which has been the best blessing of my life. All random and I have my beautiful baby. A baby I would have been tortured not to have. Waiting on a man. Which is what I was doing.

I wish I thought of this before I began because some of my video’s I look horrible. In my pajamas and such. I am going to attach my first SMC video and my other links. I have about 25-30 videos on being a Single mother by choice. I love you guys for being there for me so I am going to share a little more with my other venues. Wow I haven’t watched my first video in so long. I am so far removed from that place I was in then. Life has turned around three times. Documenting your life can be a trip.

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https://instagram.com/bg5560/

Living the dream!

I am actually living my dreams. I wanted to move home. I wanted a baby and now I have a job. I will be starting on Monday. It is blowing my mind that I have been out of work for almost nine months. I am in debt for sure, but I made it and haven’t messed up my credit. Of course the day I start will be a snow storm. I am going to try and find me some thermal socks and better gloves tomorrow. I decided that I am taking the bus and train to work. The monthly pass is expensive. I still feel it would be cheaper then gas and wear and tear on a old car.

If you read my blog you know I am pretty goal orientated. I am fitting into my smaller clothes and loving it. I have to lose 20 more pounds to get into the rest of my clothes. I am on my way.

My next goal is to get out of debt. This mission to have a baby has did a number on my debt to income ratio. I am sick of owing people. Living with my mother gives me a financial boost to start to pick away the debt.

I am going to start this job with a budget. First order of business is get my savings to healthy amount. My savings have been depleted in a big way. Then I am going to work on my debt while also saving. Once I am totally out of debt I am buying myself a new car.

On another note, I told the plumber I am not interested in dating him. I am getting a few red flags from him. He seems very controlling. I do not do controlling he would really see the ugly side of me. I don’t like being told what to do. He tried to play stupid when I told him how I felt. He can play that mess all he wants too. I know what I said and I meant it. I am moving on. I have a few things on my plate. I am open to meet a guy and have some sex in my life. Yes it is getting dusty down there. I have no idea where I would fit that guy in. I don’t have the free time I use to have. I am sure I will figure it out.

Long Sunday!!

I had to wake up this morning to go to my weight loss meetings. I officially start tomorrow. I am excited and nervous. No more crappy food. I am not looking forward to eating right. I do use food as comfort. I am looking forward to a sexy small body.

I realized today, my child is antisocial. She cries when I give her to someone else. Which makes me feel so special. Then on the flip side makes me feel like I will never have a social life ever. We went to visit family today and every time they picket her up the tears came on.

Even my mother can’t get her to stop. I am really going to pray she grows out of that quick.

Not so fast!!

I received a letter in the mail. Stating how much I will get from unemployment. I thought that meant I was approved. No such luck. They only gave me 15 weeks which I didn’t totally understand. I have worked there for six years. I thought I would get more weeks than that. Since I didn’t think I was going to get it at all. I wasn’t going to complain about that. I called them today, when I was in the office applying I gave them the wrong routing number to my checking account. I had my account number and called my aunt for the routing number she had because I didn’t have any checks on me. I didn’t want to wait for money in the mail. Something made me check and it was wrong. The same bank with a bunch of different routing numbers.

I thought I messed up my first check. No such luck. She said they haven’t approved me yet. I am thinking WTF. They will be making a decision on my case on August 1st. Which is Friday. I don’t see a reason it will be denied. I am grateful that I can receive the benefits. My aunt said why rush back to work. First I don’t know how long it will take me to get a job. I would rather not deplete my savings. I am not going to wait until the last-minute to look for a job. I agreed to wait until sometime in September. So they can do the renovations on the house. Then I am ready to get my life started. Making real money so I can do the things I want to do. Also save for a vacation. I haven’t been on a vacation in so long I barely know what the word means. I am going to enjoy my next two months off. But after that it is a mission to find the job for me.

I am presently 236 pounds. I am hoping with exercise and managing my food I can get that close to 200 pounds. I am going through Ava room as fast as I can with all my crap. My mother has been very reasonable about where I want to put things and set them up. Also when I get a job I am going to do things for my mom. She doesn’t know it yet, but she will have a higher quality of living. I am going to buy her all the things she can’t afford on a fixed income.

My first order of business is to be debt free. If I get a decent enough job I can hopefully put 1000 a month on my debt. Which will have me on the road to freedom sooner than later. I am so pissed that my feet got bigger. When I get the unemployment checks coming, I am going to buy a big screen for the living room. A dresser and guilder for Ava room. My father is buying the crib. Also I need a new bed frame. Mine is taking up to much of the room, making it hard to get around it. Once I know money is coming in I will feel less restricted. Things are really going my way. I need to stay positive.

I also have a man interested in me. We met online three years ago, when I thought I was moving home. He thought I was a big fat liar since I didn’t make it until now. He didn’t skip a beat once I admitted I had a baby. Maybe he will be the father of my second. LOL!!! He has two kids himself. Keeping hope alive!!

Baby Project #45

I started testing for my surge today. I believe from my calculations I should get the happy face tomorrow or Thursday. I am supposed to inseminate for the next three days.

I have to say my donor has the worst communication skills ever. I could never ever date this man. He does show up in the end. I guess that is all I can ask for.

I started working on what I put in my mouth and exercise. It has been going pretty well. Except for the coffee.

I keep running into this woman. I met her at a meetup that a friend invited me to. She clearly lives near me. I ran into her four times. Yesterday walking around the park was the latest. I guess I been stand offish. I need to work on that. She asked if we could walk together. I have no problem with that. I told her this week was bad. Clearly insemination all week, and he lives 45min away. Next week when I get back from Philly should be great.

Hey I might be creating a new friend. That is usually how people enter my life, Randomly. Since she lives close maybe we can find some places to hang out in the area. I need to get my ass out the house!!!

 

Baby Project #40

testI was trying to make it to Sunday morning. My crazy person held up until Saturday evening. Still not first morning pee, but I had to test. I was at Walmart at 9pm buying more test.

Well the line was darker on Saturday night. Then I tested again at 5am Sunday morning. I didn’t mean to get up that early. My bladder forced me to. The line was even darker. I had to be very creative for the camera to show the second line. I am happy and nervous. This is what happened last time. I got the double line then it went away. Well I will be testing probably every other day for a while. Looking for that second line to get as dark at the test line. My friend said my known donor must have some super sperm. I am scared as hell!!! God is it possible?? Are you giving me all I desire??

Baby Project #33

Donor picked FINALLY!!!.  I am glad I have a few people in my corner to discuss these things.

My cousin was very blunt about not using the donor who wants to be a father. It is easy to say what you will do when the child is not here yet. He could totally flip the script once everything is sad and done. Then I am stuck in a drama situation. That is not the move for me.

I don’t even have to keep in touch with the other guy after I am pregnant.  He is just helping me out and that is it.

I am sure my mind can change as much as it needs to. Right now I have the donor picked. I am optimistic. More optimistic than doing my IUI‘s. I know this could possibly not work. I feel it has a great chance of working.  Even more than the 10% chance the doctor gave me  with frozen sperm.

The first attempt will be this month. I am working on getting the clomid. Who knows I am taking the soy isoflavone this month.

Thank you to all lesbian on YouTube. When I looked up insemination it was a lot of lesbian couples on YouTube discussing it. Many did insemination with a known donor.  I appreciate anyone who has walked in my shoes before. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

 

Baby Project #32

Wow my life changes on a dime. Now I am working on having a baby in a different way.

My new thing is a known donor. I will be working on plan B if that doesn’t work. But I am staying positive. I feel I will be less stressed then what I went through with the clinic.

The funny thing when it rain it pours. I have two possible known donor’s. One will relinquish rights no problem.

The other is wavering. He is 41 with no kids. I believe he wanted them under the right set of circumstances. It is funny how women have more options in this situation then men. We have known each other for nine years. We had a kind of own off thing.

If we did decided to co parent. He understood I am leaving the state. Also co parent is exactly that financially and all. I told him it would be easier for me for him to relinquish his rights. We had a two-hour debate about denying a child a father. I wasn’t in the mood for that. I did understand where he was coming from.
I still didn’t totally agree. I just spent a fortune putting frozen sperm in the Vijay twice. That child wouldn’t have had a daddy either.  His heart is in the right place. I haven’t decided which way I am going at this moment. I know HIV test will be done this week regardless of which way I go. I was thinking the home test. Then one donor made a good point. Why pay (40 bucks each) when we can go to a clinic for free. I love that a man worried about my money!!!

Things are looking up in my mind. Trying to stay sane and make my dreams come true.

Baby Project #31

It is funny how things come full circle. I have another appointment with a gynecologist. I need to get my STD screening again. I am also going to work on getting a prescription of clomid. I know I wasn’t successful the last time. They wanted me to take tests. I took the test and  now I want the prescription. I am really paying for not having a regular Gyno. Everyone gets this prescription with ease. I am the one who gets all the trouble.

My known donor is very handsome. He also has green eyes. I have to say I like that.

How about my mom and aunt are all on board to. They have really shown themselves supportive. They both said when I started this process and explained the expense. Can you just find someone to have sex with. My high and might self was against. Well I did try with the pain in the ass ex. Which I did talk to him, and we decided against it. He wants to be a father. I am moving to Boston and do not want to deal with the drama of someone wanting me to stay in GA.