Baby Project #33

Donor picked FINALLY!!!.  I am glad I have a few people in my corner to discuss these things.

My cousin was very blunt about not using the donor who wants to be a father. It is easy to say what you will do when the child is not here yet. He could totally flip the script once everything is sad and done. Then I am stuck in a drama situation. That is not the move for me.

I don’t even have to keep in touch with the other guy after I am pregnant.  He is just helping me out and that is it.

I am sure my mind can change as much as it needs to. Right now I have the donor picked. I am optimistic. More optimistic than doing my IUI‘s. I know this could possibly not work. I feel it has a great chance of working.  Even more than the 10% chance the doctor gave me  with frozen sperm.

The first attempt will be this month. I am working on getting the clomid. Who knows I am taking the soy isoflavone this month.

Thank you to all lesbian on YouTube. When I looked up insemination it was a lot of lesbian couples on YouTube discussing it. Many did insemination with a known donor.  I appreciate anyone who has walked in my shoes before. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

 

Baby Project #32

Wow my life changes on a dime. Now I am working on having a baby in a different way.

My new thing is a known donor. I will be working on plan B if that doesn’t work. But I am staying positive. I feel I will be less stressed then what I went through with the clinic.

The funny thing when it rain it pours. I have two possible known donor’s. One will relinquish rights no problem.

The other is wavering. He is 41 with no kids. I believe he wanted them under the right set of circumstances. It is funny how women have more options in this situation then men. We have known each other for nine years. We had a kind of own off thing.

If we did decided to co parent. He understood I am leaving the state. Also co parent is exactly that financially and all. I told him it would be easier for me for him to relinquish his rights. We had a two-hour debate about denying a child a father. I wasn’t in the mood for that. I did understand where he was coming from.
I still didn’t totally agree. I just spent a fortune putting frozen sperm in the Vijay twice. That child wouldn’t have had a daddy either.  His heart is in the right place. I haven’t decided which way I am going at this moment. I know HIV test will be done this week regardless of which way I go. I was thinking the home test. Then one donor made a good point. Why pay (40 bucks each) when we can go to a clinic for free. I love that a man worried about my money!!!

Things are looking up in my mind. Trying to stay sane and make my dreams come true.

Baby Project #31

It is funny how things come full circle. I have another appointment with a gynecologist. I need to get my STD screening again. I am also going to work on getting a prescription of clomid. I know I wasn’t successful the last time. They wanted me to take tests. I took the test and  now I want the prescription. I am really paying for not having a regular Gyno. Everyone gets this prescription with ease. I am the one who gets all the trouble.

My known donor is very handsome. He also has green eyes. I have to say I like that.

How about my mom and aunt are all on board to. They have really shown themselves supportive. They both said when I started this process and explained the expense. Can you just find someone to have sex with. My high and might self was against. Well I did try with the pain in the ass ex. Which I did talk to him, and we decided against it. He wants to be a father. I am moving to Boston and do not want to deal with the drama of someone wanting me to stay in GA.

 

Baby Project #30

I am not pregnant. I knew I wasn’t when I got my period this morning. I was supposed to come back in to get ready for another IUI. I called it all off. I need a break.

The financial part of this is stressing me out. So the social worker was great about it. Said if I wanted to I could come back. Well the doctor called me back and said no she does not think it is a good idea I come back. She was nice about it explained her side of things. She thinks my next step should be IVF. I cannot afford IVF at this point and also do not have the insurance for it.

My next step is a known donor. I know I am going backwards. People start with a known donor first.  The appointments of the process didn’t bother me. It was tossing up another 2500 bucks.

I went to the Known Donor Registry.  I saw a guy I met online years ago. I never met him in person. Funny how small the world is. I was a little put off by the doctor. Telling me not to come back.

I still was calling it quits. It seemed that she thought I was an emotional wreck that couldn’t go on. No I didn’t want to spend money I did not have. The amount I owe right now is on a credit card. I don’t like that shit. She said she understood. Oh well moving on in my world.

How does a regular person by themselves afford this? I have a good job. Not a six figure job, but a good one. I feel punished for following the rules.  She also gave me a lecture about known donors also. Either way I am an adult. Even with my old eggs. I have to make decisions that work for me.

Baby Project #26

Today was my second insemination. I have been on a good plain. I had four follicles that did release by the second insemination. The doctor seemed confident which is a great feat for this doctor. She has never been overly optimistic.

1) She told me to get an OBGYN and make an appointment for 10 weeks. (Just in Case)

2) She is willing to do forth insemination instead of three. Granted I don’t know if I can afford four. But the fact that she is optimistic of achieving pregnancy makes me happy.

3) She wants to try Clomid if I want to do Three insemination. If I want to do four then she will do the letrozole for the third do to my good response.

All these this things are optimistic conversation.

I took her suggestion and went to the hypnotherapy which I really enjoyed the appointment. If I could afford it, I would go once a week. I can’t afford that at all. 🙂 The appointment was positive. I loved that she listen to me. She would say babies because she knows I want twins. She also got me started on my Laws of Attraction mission I was on.

She had a plaque on her desk that said IF YOU CAN DREAM IT YOU CAN HAVE IT!!! I am ready for my dreams to come true.

Doctor dude dropped out of sight again. Which I am a little pissed about. I agreed to go to this bridal shower to meet his ass. Well My aunt bought the ticket and I will try to enjoy myself regardless.

The ex contacted me again. I swear I know this man so well. I asked him what the hell does he want from me? He claims nothing. I told him that is a lie or he could finally cut ties and not get in contact with me again.

He asked me if I didn’t love him anymore. I told him I couldn’t say that because I am not an untruth. Then he said do I want him never to contact me again. Now that I can say yes. You are no good for me. Then he asked if we could be a friend. I told him he doesn’t deserve my friendship. Which all I been through with him, he isn’t any kind of friend.

I was a little upset with the conversation. I didn’t let it linger, and moved on to I am living my dreams. I am working on my vision board again. I am working on my life and what I can dream I can have. That is a new lease on life.

 

Baby Project #25

I got the trigger shot today. She saw four mature eggs.

Is it too much to ask that my twins show up out of these four eggs?? At first she said three and I was disappointed. We had five last go round. Clearly the high number didn’t help. She had to look again to find the fourth one.

I have my insemination tomorrow. She said if the eggs are still there when she does the ultrasound she will do one Tuesday and the next one Wednesday. If the eggs dropped she will do a double insemination on Tuesday. I could careless about either protocol as long as I get success out of it.

I am going to a bridal shower. Ticket already bought. Dr. Dude didn’t call me back this weekend. So we will see if he is there in July or not. I am not banking on it. I am more worried about my baby project then any man at this point. If he acts up I will enjoy Philly with my aunt.

Tomorrow I am going to have a lot to do. I plan to do to the acupuncture after my insemination. I am pulling out all the stops for this. I took two days off. I feel some fluttering in my lower region. I hope that means something.

Random Life and baby stuff

I was on my way to get my shot to help the letrozole. Six possible follicles found after the ultrasound.

She made the comment of this not being protocol. I asked her what she meant by that. I guess they usually go forward with the insemination if there are four follicles or less. I am praying she doesn’t cancel it. Granted she said, she see no reason not to go forward because we are dealing with an egg quality issue. She also went forward with the last IUI and I had five follicles last time. Granted at this point in the process she only saw three.  We all know how that last time ended up. I am working on being totally optimistic.

If all goes according to plan the trigger shot will be on Monday and insemination on Tuesday and Wednesday.

I took off Tuesday and Wednesday. After the first insemination I am going straight to my acupuncturist after the insem on Tuesday.  I am not sure if I am going to go to they hypnotherapy  I was really thinking about it. Nothing to lose but more money. I might call her tomorrow.  She says she has late hours. I can’t take more time off work. So it would need to fit into the schedule.

Doctor dude called me yesterday. My cousin wedding is in NJ in August. He asked if I could come down a day earlier and we could hang out. To me it is the same problem. I haven’t met you before. My friends think I am taking this to far. My safetly comes first. I been on to many bad internet dates to meet someone in a strange city. Plus when I go I am staying with my aunt in the hotel room she is paying for. Yes I am cheap.

So I called her to see when she was getting to NJ. She was actually going to be there a day early. Great that could work. I told her the situation and she suggested I attend the bridal shower with her in Philly. I was not planning to attend the bridal show. I said if she paid for my ticket I would go. She said I was trying to pimp her. I laughed so hard. I am not trying to pimp her, I have major fertility bills coming my way. I wasn’t planning to spend more money on a trip to Philly. She said no. Then called me back and said she would look into ticket prices.

All this to say Doctor dude lives outside of Philly. I called him and left a message. I never usually call him during the day. He actually called back and thought it was a great idea. He doesn’t have a problem meeting my aunt. He said he could give us the three-hour tour of Philly. So we will see. I might meet Doctor Dude in July. We will see!! No tickets have been bought yet!

My Aunt could be a back up set of eyes. To know this man isn’t crazy. Taking my Aunt on a first date or meeting was not my plan. Life works the way it works!!