The end of the Early intervention. All her therapist came to my house when I was at work of course. I bought a cake for everyone. Which said Ava graduation. No one took a picture for me. When I talked to my mom they already ate it.
When I called them I thought they would have my baby talking in no time. Little did I know when I called them I would be going down the rabbit hole of diagnosis, therapist, Autism, ABA, advocacy, and stress. My life has taken a turned I can’t say I was prepared for. I gained 50 pounds eating out of stress and worry for my baby future.
Even though she has made massive improvements. She still has not spoken a word. Which is the reason I called them in the first place? Advocacy for my child is my number one priority. EI told me they have parents that tell them not to come back when they suggest they get a diagnosis of autism. I pray for those babies that someone will help them.
I took her diagnosis very personal. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? What did I not pay attention to? Ill prepared for any of this. I had many nights crying in my pillow. Until I met other autism parents, I realized I am not a freak. A lot of these mothers are crying and eating the pain away. With the crying and eating they still get up and take care of their kids and advocate for their success. The tears of the mother are the prayers to god to spare their baby from any struggles or pain. Life is not paved in gold for anyone. We all have problems and things we have to deal with. I wouldn’t advise anyone to gain 50 pounds. If those 50 pounds keeps from a complete breakdown then eat dammit. I am sorry food got me through. I am working on getting it off now. But I am glad I ate than drank. Thank god for that!!!
I did a montage with Ava videos on my Youtube channel. It is so funny how I have this channel, and I don’t have a whole lot of videos of her. I found these old video’s which I wanted to share. I noticed she did look at me when she was young. I have no idea when the eye contact went away. Someone asked me how old was she when this happen to that. All having to do with things of autism. I have to say I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention. This journey of autism and Ava had all to do with her lack of words. The rest went over my head.
Ava will be three coming very soon. It is very bittersweet. We have had early intervention in our lives for half of her life. She has made some great strides. There has been a barrage of young women coming in and out of our home.
This will be a whole new normal. We had to get used to the home therapy, now we have to get use them not being here.
Ava is on a whole new journey. I am working on putting her in an Autism center. Which has not been an easy mission? I am stressed and worried about when this will happen. I will stop stressing when she finally starts her first day.
My baby is almost three. I haven’t heard mommy yet. Even writing it makes me want to cry. Life has thrown many curve balls. I am still praying for the reasoning and how to deal with some of my realities.
Ava does not have a variety of food that she eats. Not to mention I am not cook of the year. It is so frustrating that she will put random things in her mouth. When I offer her something different from her limited menu she acts like I am trying to kill her. She gives me the stank bitch face. If she could talk I feel she would be saying bitch you can’t be serious. I am not eating that.
I push it in her mouth to give it a try. I am not going to feed her something she really doesn’t want. If she never tastes it she won’t know if she likes it.
Now we are at the point if it is something she likes she will feed herself. If it’s something not on her list of likes, I have to feed it to her. So a few days ago, I got her to eat salmon and mash potatoes. I covered the salmon in the potatoes to achieve this success. She had me chasing her around the house with the food. Surprisingly she opened her mouth. Not how I wanted it to go, but shit I will take that.
I decided she will eat the school food. I want to see if they can get her to eat other things. I will send snacks that she likes if she totally refuses. I know most 2 years old are picky eaters. I also know this has a lot to do with autism.
They say there is a lot of adjustment being an autism mom. I can’t say I really have to adjust, being that she is my only child and the diagnoses have been with us for over a year.
I still have high hopes for my baby. No one is telling me she won’t succeed. The general answer is I DON’T KNOW. Which is an answer I hate? Tell me she is going to be perfect. Lie to me!!!
OK, I really don’t want to be lied to. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind a lie or two. 🙂