Autism Center Evaulation

We were approved for the Eval with much arguing with the insurance company. I brought my aunt with me for a second opinion. When you don’t have a man in your life, the family will do. Ava couldn’t wait to get into the center. She could see all the toys from the office we were in. She was looking over the child gate, with bated breath.  As soon as the gate was opened, “see ya ma”  is what she would have said if she could talk.

While they were doing the testing, We went in the room with the owner for the questions she had for me.  I was glad my aunt came but she kind of got on my nerves a little. This is the first autism thing she has been to. So she was asking a question from her base of knowledge which was little. Asking questions, Why are there so many kids with autism? What changed over the years? Those questions are great. She needed to look them up online. I had questions for the present situations. I interrupted my aunt and touched her a few times to shut up.

She asked me before the visit if she could ask questions in her defense. I wanted to ask about the center and Ava being there. Not general autism questions. I asked if she could give my aunt a tour. She was happy to.

My aunt loved the place and felt this was a great option for Ava. I know I felt that way but having a second opinion that was making the right choice made me feel great.

I put in for the transportation. I wanted it to be ready and waiting for her first day. If they were any hiccups I wanted it taken care of before we needed it.  Ann from my autism group IM me the language for the transportation. I am so thankful I met this woman. I am defiantly getting her a gift and the woman who started the organization once everything is done and Ava starts this program. Finger still crossed no more hiccups in the process of Ava first day.

Hard day!!!

I was hit with a blow. My insurance doesn’t want to pay for the ABA center. In this place call the Untied States with it bullshit for profit insurance companies. Thank god for the woman who works at this place. She told me another family with my same insurance company didn’t want to fight it. WTF, I told her I pay a lot of damn money for my insurance fight those bastards. There is a mandate in Massachusetts to pay for autism therapies. They are saying they will pay for home, not center.

She played the single mother card. Told them I am at work paying for their insurance how the hell can I be home for her therapy. I thought to go girl!!, God is putting these Angels in my life to bless my baby with the things she needs. She got them to concede and they allowed the payment for the initial evaluation.

The insurance company called me and try to talk me out of the center by saying it will be 30 bucks a day. The lady at the center said don’t listen to that bullshit. They don’t have an in-network option so it will not be 30 bucks a day. They are riding the line of legality. The autism center said they have no problem sending a letter from legal.

Also with a mother love I called and harrassed for my secondary insurance for Ava disability to be approved by the state. I should have done it a lot earlier. God on my side it all came through they same day of the bad news of my insurance company being a bunch of assholes.

So even if it was 30 bucks a day. It should be covered by my secondary insurance. The secondary insurance will also pay for transportation for Ava to the center every day. They gave me a premium for this insurance. Which was not outrageous. I would have squeezed it out of my budget even if I had to charge it.

I was approved for premium assistance and it was covered. I told the woman at premium assistance she was my angel. They had a 90-day backlog. This woman did mine in one day. Yes, one damn day. God was so on my side. So no money out of my pocket and my baby get what she needs. We still have a few hurdles before she actually starts. Every hurdle can stop her going to Autism center in its tracks. So far we are still on the road to success. Please pray for my baby. I have been asking for prayers from everyone. I don’t care who you worship or pray to. Send one up for my baby.

Depression and complaining

I am not a complainer. I have suffered from depression my whole life. Doctors have always said it isn’t bad enough to go on drugs. Which I don’t want to go on drugs. I took them one time and the outcome was crazy. I have enough drugs I have to take for my neurological condition.

So a friend said she had a bone to pick with me. No need to go into all of it. Then I said look I am depressed and have a lot going on in my life. She said to see a therapist. I told her where am I supposed to fit that in. Here are my issues with a therapist. You have to have time for them. Which I don’t. It is hard to find one you like. Not all therapist are equal. I have been to therapist lets say five times in my life. I only had success with one. The woman that was there for me when I had all those miscarriages and thought I would never be a mother. That lady was great.

My friend said why didn’t I say anything to her about my depression. I am not a complainer. Complaining doesn’t get anyone anywhere. I know a few women in my life that will let the complaints fly. Now I there is a difference from sharing the hard things going on in your life to straight up complaining. I have friends I share with. Complaining I don’t do. There is nothing to be gained. What can anyone do about my depression. I can’t do anything about anyone else depression.

I am not a therapist and I actually have a friend finishing a school for therapy. She said we are friends and she can’t be my therapist. I still run things by her. LOLOL.

I remember someone telling me why  complain no one is listening.!!!

All about Ava

I did a montage with Ava videos on my Youtube channel. It is so funny how I have this channel, and I don’t have a whole lot of videos of her.  I found these old video’s which I wanted to share. I noticed she did look at me when she was young. I have no idea when the eye contact went away. Someone asked me how old was she when this happen to that. All having to do with things of autism. I have to say I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention. This journey of autism and Ava had all to do with her lack of words. The rest went over my head.

Introvert Guilt

I can be in the house all the time with no light and never want to leave. I have always been an introvert. Sometimes my house being a safe haven was much more comfortable to me than going out into the world. I will go to work by groceries and pay my bills. My free time would be in the house entertaining myself with movies, online, etc. I never felt like I was missing anything. I was in my own world of happiness.

Now with a child, I feel guilty about that tendency of mine. If she could talk I would like her to give me insight on what she wants to do. I have no idea if my daughter loves the park to the mall. She actually shows no excitement for either.  The only time I saw a real smile was the trampoline place. We have been twice and going again this month.

I knew I would have to get out the house when I had a kid. I was hoping that kid could help me with the process. My daughter isn’t capable of that help. She also doesn’t seem to care if she is the living room all day with her tablet, TV, and toys.

She does like to leave the house. We were at the door about to leave. I forgot something closed the door to get it. She fell to the floor upset that we weren’t leaving. Ava is really a go with the flow type. I had the last visit with the BSBA (supervisor) ABA person. She said she has progressed and does not have the behavior issues. I am really thankful for that. I enjoyed staying in the house this weekend. She woke up at 4 am two nights in a row. My mother lets me have a nap. I slept for three and half hours.  I let Ava have a late night which I will pay for when it is really time to go to bed. I needed a break. So I let her sleep. The shit you do to survive mentally. #mommyproblems

Early Intervention Ending

Ava will be three coming very soon. It is very bittersweet. We have had early intervention in our lives for half of her life. She has made some great strides. There has been a barrage of young women coming in and out of our home.

This will be a whole new normal. We had to get used to the home therapy, now we have to get use them not being here.

Ava is on a whole new journey. I am working on putting her in an Autism center. Which has not been an easy mission? I am stressed and worried about when this will happen. I will stop stressing when she finally starts her first day.

My baby is almost three. I haven’t heard mommy yet. Even writing it makes me want to cry. Life has thrown many curve balls. I am still praying for the reasoning and how to deal with some of my realities.

Homework??

Ava will be three soon. I am running around to find services through my health insurance. Which might be totally covered by my state. Pray for me on that one. It would help greatly financially if Ava is approved.

I talked to our possible speech therapist. We are on the waiting list for the time that works with our schedule. They said we didn’t have to come for the evaluation if I sent in the IEP.  There is an email system through my clinic that makes it easy to communicate with the doctors. Will the universe must have been on my side.

The speech therapist called me because she incorrectly sent me a note through the email system.  I took that opportunity to ask how much success she has had with autistic children talking.

She said to come to that canceled appointment so we can talk. She can’t tell me what to do without meeting Ava. Then she asked me if her present speech therapist given me homework. I said excuse me what?? She said we will discuss it during the appointment. She has several techniques to work on with Ava daily. I was so excited. I am ready for things I can do to help my baby talk. I am ready for her to talk my ear off.

I wish I knew about these techniques before. I was beating myself up for a few minutes that I should have found an outside speech therapist before now.  Then I came back to reality. When the hell would I have fit that in. She has a packed schedule of therapists.  Mommy guilt is real!!!!

She is so picky!!

Ava does not have a variety of food that she eats. Not to mention I am not cook of the year. It is so frustrating that she will put random things in her mouth. When I offer her something different from her limited menu she acts like I am trying to kill her. She gives me the stank bitch face. If she could talk I feel she would be saying bitch you can’t be serious. I am not eating that.
I push it in her mouth to give it a try. I am not going to feed her something she really doesn’t want. If she never tastes it she won’t know if she likes it.
Now we are at the point if it is something she likes she will feed herself. If it’s something not on her list of likes, I have to feed it to her. So a few days ago, I got her to eat salmon and mash potatoes. I covered the salmon in the potatoes to achieve this success. She had me chasing her around the house with the food. Surprisingly she opened her mouth. Not how I wanted it to go, but shit I will take that.
I decided she will eat the school food. I want to see if they can get her to eat other things. I will send snacks that she likes if she totally refuses. I know most 2 years old are picky eaters. I also know this has a lot to do with autism.
They say there is a lot of adjustment being an autism mom. I can’t say I really have to adjust, being that she is my only child and the diagnoses have been with us for over a year.
I still have high hopes for my baby. No one is telling me she won’t succeed. The general answer is I DON’T KNOW. Which is an answer I hate? Tell me she is going to be perfect. Lie to me!!!
OK, I really don’t want to be lied to. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind a lie or two. 🙂

Advocate Help!!

I have been in contact with my educational advocate. He had me write up my expectation for Ava IEP. I let him look at it first. He gave me a few corrections. Then I emailed it to everyone involved.
It was a very good suggestion. They will know what I want and can argue about it in the meeting. If they disagree.
I am hoping it all goes smoothly. I have to finish paying him for his services. Which so far seems very worth it. I had a lot going on at work today. I really need to make some calls and handle some business at lunch.
I have been so tired I took a nap in my car. I enjoy the naps until I have to get up and go back to work.
Ava has been going to bed late and waiting up early as hell. I wish I could finally feel like I am rested. I am always in a state of tired. Which is not helping me accomplish my other projects. God help me get enough sleep.

Almost 11pm

My child is finally sleeping through the night. The problem is she doesn’t go to sleep until 10-11pm. I have so many things I need to do. I keep putting her ass back in the bed. She laughs her ass off like we are playing the biggest game. I know she likes it when I am home. I really feel she stays up to spend time with me.
Which I love, but in the same breath, I have so many things going at once. I need a few night time hours to get things done.
My book it getting closer and closer to done. I will announce it on this blog if anyone in interested in reading it. It is a sci-fi novel on autism.
I am my own worst critic, I keep reading it over and over again and finding things wrong with it.
I have enlisted my friend to edit it. I am going to read it one more time and send it over for her to edit. Then I am going to get the rest together.
My Youtube channel is growing slowly. I am excited by the growth, but it has not turned into passive income.
I didn’t really start the Youtube channel to make money. I do enjoy making the video. I also noticed I wasn’t really putting in the time or effort to make it successful either.
With the limited time in my life, I can only devote so much. I still haven’t read the books the advocate told me to read for this IEP. I am going to get to it. I really don’t feel like reading the bullshit. I just want Boston Public Schools not to screw me and give my child everything she deserves.
Which I know is going to be hard which is why I hired the advocate in the first place.
Also, my mom lets Ava sleep for two hours a day. So I am sure when she start pre-school and has that 45 min nap she will be tired when she gets home. That will help me so much. At the moment she is a ball of energy when I walk in the door.