Pissed off!!

This morning I was really upset with someone. She hasn’t really been optimistic about my baby journey. She did apologize after I went the hell off. Initially when I told her I planned to have children by myself. She said why do I want to do that. Kids are not all that. That is easy to say when you have them.

Then today I told her about the known donor. She knew I was upset about not getting pregnant after spending all that money.

Her: is this a boyfriend?

Me: No this is a donor.

Her: So your child won’t know their father??(FULL OF JUDGEMENT)

This is when I went the blew up. One of her children doesn’t know their father. Also she knows many people as I do with both parents. These kids are not the best and brightest. I told her that is why I can’t talk to you bible belt folks out here. She got defensive an apologized. I think people don’t know what they are saying. Another friend yesterday said you won’t know his medical history. I am thinking and your point is?  If I adopted a child I might not know anything about that child.

You know what’s the true problem. I need to keep my mouth shut. I am not saying another damn thing to anyone. Only to the people supporting the situation at the moment. I told the person I had the conversation this morning  I am not talking about this situation with her again. She apologized again and said she was really sorry. I do believe she was sorry. Why at almost 40 years old do people feel I need to explain myself. My damn mother is all on board.

Then people will judge you when they do the same if not worse in their own life. I told a friend about a causal sex situation years ago. She came down on me with a vengeance. How that wasn’t good. I saw red.

I asked her you do realize I know you. She said yes. I said I known you for years. She said yes. I said how dare you judge me when you slept with your now husband three hours after meeting him. I got an apology.

I swear it is only certain people who do this. Not to be funny but in my experience it usually the ones in church every Sunday. Not getting on the folks in church. JUST SAYING!!!

Where Did These Kids Come From

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I haven’t figured out if I like or hate face book. I guess with my desire to have kids, I started noticing all the people who have children. When did this happen. It looks like everyone has procreate and I didn’t get the memo.

The funny thing is I was never averse to having children. I wanted them, a lot of them actually. I wanted a house full of kids. I am an only child. I grew up with my cousin. It was just him and I always desired a lot of siblings. The fact that I have never been married and do not have children was not my plan. I had a master plan; right after the wedding day I was going to have babies. Now I am ready for kids and if I don’t get married I could care less. Not to say that I would turn away the man of my dreams.

I wish the epiphany came a lot earlier. The boyfriend I have now, I actually dated ten years ago. He was gun hoe about not using protection when we dated before. I was in the hell no mode. Unless you put a ring on it, that was not going to happen.

It is funny how things turn full circle. Our relationship is going ok. He still works a lot. Hopefully in a few months more quality time will happen. We will see. I am trying to take it all as it comes. My fantasies of my life are having a harsh push or reality.